Home
by forevertwilight1116
Summary: Sometimes you have to let go of the person you love the most and wait for him to come home to you.
1. Chapter 1

_So this is how it feels like when you see the love of your life with someone else._

I think back to the days when it was me holding his hand, though not in public. Never in public. Now, I couldn't fathom why I ever refused to let him show his affections around others. I have always preferred it when we were on our own, always thinking that somehow, being affectionate with no one but the two of us will be more special, intimate. Now, watching him touch and hold her hand makes me want to go hide and cry. Gut- wrenching tears, soul- punching sobs.

 _Why did I ever agree to attend this event?_

Try as I might, I can't look away from the vision of them. I can see how _she_ looks at him. Like, really look at him.

 _I used to look at him that way. I still look at him that way. And maybe, I will always look at him that way._

He still hasn't caught my gaze since the moment we arrived at the same time, though separately. Him with her, and me, well, all by myself. I'm now grasping at the straws, willing him to look at me. Even for just a glance. Anything, really. Even just a glimpse of his mesmerizing, vivid green eyes. Just a taste of how it used to feel like, when brown meets green, of how it felt when two lost souls meet in the middle of a crowded room. I just want him to acknowledge my presence, show me that I was not forgotten. Show me that I wasn't nothing to him _. Just… anything_.

I looked at his _companion,_ and see that she is stunning in her own way. From where I stand, I can see that she has wide greyish blue eyes set on a perfectly bronzed face. Her hair is like a cascading waterfall in ebony. Her form is petite, yet it has sinewy muscles resembling that of a dancer. Her dusky skin glimmering under the lights.

I looked at where his hand was holding hers, affection and all, and I felt my heart sinking a little further.

 _Oh god, can this end already? I don't think I can handle more of this. More of him touching her. More of him giving her what was once mine. What I had and wasted._

I want to cry at the tenderness I see on his face when he looks at her. _That was my tenderness._

 _I still can't believe how I could fuck up the only thing I've got that is good. The only thing that mattered- that still and will always matter._

I shift my gaze from them and scan the entirety of the room. Over by the furthest corner of the room, I spot Alice and Peter, who seemed to be arguing, given by their postures and expressions. A little further scanning and I see Jasper with his boyfriend, Garrett, sitting at a table near the end of the room. From my perspective, I can see that Jasper is looking over at Alice and Peter periodically, his expression conveying a gloomy glare directed at Peter.

 _If Jasper wasn't gay, he and Alice would have been perfect together._

I continue looking around the room, seeing the faces of people who I thought would have been my family by now. _If only…_

I have noticed how _his_ family looked at me when they saw me. I wonder if they still hold a grudge over what happened between him and me… _over what I have done_.

 _I wonder if his mother, Esme, loves_ _ **her**_ _. But really, it wouldn't be a surprise if she does, since all Esme wanted was for her son to be happy; and it absolutely looked like he is happy. And I honestly want that for him. Regardless of whether it is with me or not._

I avert my gaze from his mother and father; it hurt too much, knowing that I can never call them my family someday.

From the corner of my eye I can see someone looking at me, so naturally, I tilt my head to the side and meet the eyes of his cousins who are giving me a deadly glare. _If looks could kill…_

I try to give them a passive stare, not wanting them to think that they can easily throw me off. From the corner of the group, I can see Tanya smiling at me. Since I have entered the room, she is the very first to offer me a friendly smile. I smile back at her, even though the one I gave her was a small, tentative smile.

Her grin got wider, although she did not try to approach me and start a conversation. I actually appreciate that from her, because I didn't want to start drama. _His family, with a probable exception of Tanya, still detests me. And I don't blame them at all. After what I have done, I hate myself too._

To break Tanya's gaze, I took a glance around the room before I looked down at the piece of paper in my hand. _Looks like I'll be dining with the bride's officemates, then._

I walk over to the table with as much dignity as possible, given the number of guests looking my way. It might sound highly paranoid, but I feel like they were all looking at me, recognizing me, and eventually judging me once they knew who I was.

As I sat down, I took in the elegant decorations draped all over the room. The curtains were in some rich cream color, and white twinkling lights hung down from the ceiling. There were probably about twenty- five round tables scattered strategically all over the room. The table tops were floor- length, in beautiful pastel colors. The high back chairs in ivory were comfortable and mixed very well with the motif.

I sat down and situate myself on the chair, sighing deeply as I try to discreetly remove my high heeled- shoes. I try to act as nonchalant as possible, as if I wasn't nervous being here. And it's not like I am gatecrashing, I was invited to this.

I take another glance across the room and see _them_. They were sitting a few tables ahead from where I am, _of course they are_ , and I think I'm out of their view from the front.

 _That's a good thing,_ I thought. I don't want to get caught staring at _him,_ on top of everything else.

As the program progresses, I find myself drifting back to the ceremony earlier. And I can't help but tear up a little. I think of the sincerity in the bride's and groom's vows to each other. I think of the way they looked at each other; it was so achingly sweet, it kind of overwhelms me. And I wonder, just like I always do, if I would ever get my happy ever after. _With him_. _Always with him_. Even if I know now that I may never get it. Especially now. He's happy with her. I can see that.

 _What the fuck am I doing here?_ I can't help but ask myself for probably the thousandth time today.

 _I'm here for them._

 _I'm here for my distant, long-lost friends._

 _I'm here for the almost family that I've lost._

 _I'm here for the love I've lost. I'm here for him. Always for him._

The bride and groom's first dance has just ended when I got out of my mind. Everyone was applauding them, so I joined in. I kept clapping, as if I don't have some sort of inner turmoil. I clapped and cheered until everyone has stopped, and when they did, I took another look around the room.

Everyone has a smile on their face, everyone is happy for the bride and groom. I am too, honestly. I just feel a tinge of jealousy when I look at them. _Because I imagine him and I, in that setting, with myself as the bride, and him as my groom._

But then my fantasy would vanish as soon as I have imagined it. He is with her. He's happy. I broke his heart and he moved on. From me. From our love. From the memories we built. He has moved on from me and I haven't. I know that I haven't, and probably never will.

I took a deep sigh and stood up, intending to go home already. I don't want to be here anymore and be reminded of everything I can't have with _him_. I turn to look for the bride and groom, to congratulate them and to wish them a happy life together. I know they would make it.

I saw the bride standing with her friends. She caught my eye, and then smiled at me. A real, genuine smile. One that I haven't seen in a while. I gave back one of my own and hope that it's as genuine as hers. I slowly raise my hand to wave her a hello and a goodbye, my face morphing into a bittersweet expression. I really wanted to stay, but my heart hurts too much already. I don't think I can take more of this.

The bride seemed to get what I was trying to convey because although she didn't leave the conversation she was having, she waved back at me, gave me a knowing smile and a timid nod.

I turned away, thinking that I should just forgo saying goodbye to the groom when I bumped into a solid form. I looked up, so startled that I didn't register the presence I'd bumped into. It was a presence that I will never forget. It is _the_ presence that will always haunt me and chase me away in my dreams.

"Bella," my name on his lips, spoken like a gasp. A short prayer. An astounding expression. His voice bristled with underlying familiarity under the guise of surprise.

"Edward." I uttered his name, the first word I've spoken in hours.


	2. Chapter 2

_Brown meets green. Two lost souls have found each other in the middle of chaos._

I tried to stifle a gasp, I was wholly unprepared to see him this close.

 _He's still so unbelievably beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. And it breaks my heart a little bit more._

"Hi, Bella. How you've been?" Edward asks, looking at me as if he could see through my soul.

"I'm fine. You?" I mutter, trying to avoid his eyes.

 _So this is what we've become? Two people who knew each other like the back of their hands, scrambling for a simple yet awkward, polite conversation._

"So, you're leaving?" Edward started, "I mean, I saw you standing up and waving at Rosie, heading for the exit. So, _normally_ , I assumed you were already leaving, and I can't let you go without saying… _hi…_ " I can sense a hint of hesitation in his voice, as if he was afraid this line of topic would open up the floodgates.

I took a deep breath, which causes his scent to permeate my senses. It's the scent I've been trying to forget for the past three years, at the same time, the scent I've been always been longing for.

"I'm just… yeah, I was about to leave. I think I'm still tired from the flight." I shrug, acting nonchalant.

"Oh yeah, how was New York, by the way?" Edward asks, looking as if _New York_ doesn't matter at all.

I flinch, knowing that New York is a sore spot, even after all these years. _For me, anyway._

"New York's good." I say, just wanting to end this conversation before it gets tense. Before…

"So how's Jacob? Good, I hope?" The tone of his voice changed the moment he opened his mouth to ask me the one question I've been dreading. Gone was the casual warmth to it, in its place is the cold indifference he has always succumbed to when it comes to Jacob.

"Edward, you know that-"I start, but was interrupted by the approach of his _companion._

 _Oh, God. I think I'm going to throw up._

"Hey, baby." She coos at Edward, smiling indulgently at him.

"Babe," Edwards murmurs, then leans to down to kiss _her_ cheek.

I avert my eyes from the scene in front of me. I try my hardest to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach.

 _Of course, he's moved on. You know that he has moved on._

"Bella," Edward tried called my attention, and when I looked back at them, I can see that they have their arms around each other, with Edward's hand resting on her hip.

"This is Irina Denali." He said, "Irina, this is Bella Swan, a _friend_ from back _home_."

 _A friend. I've been deduced to being a friend from home._

"Pleasure to meet you, Bella." Irina said, grasping my cold, sweaty hand into her warm right hand, with a wide smile plastered on her face.

"Likewise," I murmured, trying to find the will to smile sincerely.

I tried to scramble for an easy conversation starter, wanting to know _Irina_. Of course, I came up blank. _I_ _mean, how could_ you _speak casually with your ex- boyfriend's current girlfriend? Simple. You don't._

"So… some wedding, huh?" I ask, rather awkwardly. I can see Edward's eyes narrow slightly, _maybe he's gauging where I'm going to take this line of thought._

"Yeah, Rosie looked exquisite today, and Emmett does clean up nice." Irina beamed, "And the ceremony was so beautiful, and my God, their vows! I think I actually teared up a little earlier." She continued, giddy.

"Well, I predicted this wedding to be perfect, I mean, Rosie's been planning it for years." Edward rolled his eyes playfully, and I smiled a little in return.

"Of course, she's had all the details perfected even before they got engaged." I answered in jest, looking up at Edward. _This has always been our little joke_. How Emmett and Rosalie will surely get married in the future regardless of how much they fight, despite of all their breakups _and_ makeups. We never doubted that _they'd_ make it.

 _And it has always struck me how we seemed to have never hinted, or even joked, about how it is going to be if_ _ **we**_ _would get married._

I shook my head slightly to shake away these thoughts, now is not the time to have them, especially in front of _Irina_. I see Edward staring at me, probably seeing the melancholy on my face.

He gave me a curious look, and I think he was about to say something when Irina interrupted.

"So Bella, I'm curious, where are you currently located? I know Edward said you guys were both from Forks, but I don't think I've seen you there when we're visiting." She looked at me, smiling without a hint of malice. Irina seemed to be a genuinely nice person. _I can see why he's with her_.

"She's living in New York now." Edward answered curtly. I winced a little, _I knew that New York is still a sore topic._

"Wow, I've never been." She smiled indulgently at me.

"Well, I think you should go, even just for once. It's a beautiful city, really. Despite the hustle and bustle." I smiled at Irina, trying to ignore Edward's adamant stare.

"I think I will, someday though." Irina said, "Hopefully with you," she whispered up at Edward, while looking under lashes at him.

 _My heart hurts. And I think it even stopped for a second when Edward returned her smile tenderly._

" _We'll_ see," Edward murmured, before leaning down to place a small, gentle kiss on Irina's lips. She smiled wide in return, while I try to force myself to look away, _to stop my heart from breaking._

 _Oh my God, my heart. I don't think it will ever stop breaking._

Irina continued to chatter on about New York, how she's always imagined it would be, what sights she and _Edward_ were going to see, and some other things I was too occupied to pay attention to.

 _I know it's rude of me, but I just can't. I can't indulge her, not when she's planning for her and Edward's future._

 _I want it to be my future. With Edward. I want to be in her place, with his arms wrapped around me. For my lips to be the receiver of his._

 _And I know that I have no right. Not when I've given it up, given him up, for something I'm not sure of now._

I looked back to Irina, just as she was raising her left hand to brush away a piece of hair that has fallen from its confines. An unexpected glimmer hit my eye, reflecting off of the ring on her finger.

 _And I just knew, from the depth of my soul that my heart won't recover from this. For as long as I live, I will always carry this deep-seated pain in my chest. If I thought that my heart broke when he kissed her, touched her, I'm certain now that my heart is in tiny, thousands pieces, scattered all around me._

 _Edward's engaged._

 **AN: Thank you very much for all the reviews, follows, and favorites!**


	3. Chapter 3

_I think I congratulated them before I bat out of that reception party like my ass was on fire._

 _I think I even smiled a little for Irina. I don't think she bought it when I said that I had a very urgent emergency back in New York, my boss calling me and asking for my assistance immediately. I knew it sounds stupid, but it is all that I can think of at the time._

 _I know Edward didn't believe me._

I knew Edward caught the look on my face the moment I saw _the ring_ on her finger. He was looking right at me, as if waiting if I will combust, or cry. _The latter was more likely to happen than anything, really._

And I really can't remember the flight I took back to New York.

My thoughts were fleeting from one to another for hours, the seconds and hours blending together to form a deluded haze in my mind.

 _I'm feeling numb. I haven't focused on_ _ **it,**_ _to be honest. I'm scared that if I lingered on that thought, I'd cry. And break. All over again._

It's been five days since I ran out of Seattle. I try to focus on the present, on the manuscript I'm trying to read. But I think I've been reading the same paragraph for a few minutes now, the words all jumbled and blurring together.

I rubbed my eyes and sighed deeply. _My mind won't shut up. It kept on egging me to linger on what that ring meant._

" _He's engaged."_ I whispered under my breath.

 _My Edward._

 _He's getting married. And I'm not his bride._

A sob broke through me, completely unexpected that I was slightly startled to hear the sound of it.

I quickly scrambled up to lock my door before my breakdown takes in full effect. My vision, obfuscated by my tears.

I don't know how long I've been crying, but when I looked around my office, I found myself standing by my door, in the middle of the day, my hand over my mouth as I try to quiet the heartbreaking sobs tearing through me. My heart is breaking all over _again_.

Once I've started to let go of the tears, they won't stop. Not if I can help it.

 _So I cried for the loss of my heart. I cried for the future that I once held in the palm of my hands._

 _I cried for the greatest might have been of my life._

I don't know how, but somehow, once my tears have abated, I find myself sitting on the floor, sniffling, runny nose and all, when my assistant, Riley, knocked on my door to remind me of the meeting I have with my senior later in the afternoon.

 _Time to put on your Big Girl Panties, Bella. I have to face the reality now; my career is the only thing in my reality now. Just like what I've wanted, three years ago…_

I stood up on shaky legs and walked over to my desk. I tried to compose myself as much as possible, I wiped away the tears still falling from my eyes, and attempted to gather my thoughts and focus on my upcoming meeting.

 _I have to at least get this right. I can't lose this too. I have already sacrificed so much for this. For my career._

By the end of the day, I think I had collected my thoughts together. My meeting went well, although the tasks given to me seemed to be too taxing.

I sighed deeply, organizing the items on my desk, preparing to go home.

 _Home, I thought._

 _I really don't know where home is. I mean, physically, I'm now living in New York. But I know deep down that my heart is still in Forks. And I think it will always be in Forks. With Edward, my heart._

I gently shook my head, as if shaking off these thoughts out of my mind. _I can't think of Edward that way anymore. He's not mine to think of that way anymore._

Once I have my bag in my right arm and an envelope full of manuscripts in the other, I made my way out of the building.

As I stepped out, I breathed in the early spring air. This one is so different from how Forks feels like, where Forks is constant rain, New York ranges from mild humid airflow on a normal day to above freezing in winter.

In Forks, I'm surrounded by my loved ones, my family and friends. My father, Charlie, is still living in the same house he and my mom bought when they got married straight out of high school. My mom, on the other hand, is now residing in Phoenix, Arizona with husband number four. I keep a constant communication with the both of them, although my mom thinks that I'm closer to my dad, which in return makes her jealous.

 _I can't just help but to sympathize with my dad, I know he hasn't gotten over my mom yet, even though he denies it and it's been years. I think we're still both heartbroken over the fact that my mom chose to leave us when a good opportunity for_ _ **her**_ _came along._

Don't get me wrong, I have forgiven her, but it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when I'm reminded that she chose someone over us.

I was just around the corner when I saw a group of people walking towards me. As we approached the middle of the sidewalk, I see that they were a group of guys around my age. The ones in front were chatting and laughing, while I noticed the one at the back was looking at me. He was good looking enough, with blond hair and blue eyes. He smiled as we passed each other, and I looked down.

 _I'm not ready to meet people._

I haven't had people to call _friends_ since I moved here. I have acquaintances and colleagues. I haven't gone out in the three years I've been in New York.

 _I just don't want my friends back home to think that I've replaced them, too. Although, given how we've left things, they may already think that I have._

 _Edward isn't the only one that I've lost when I came to New York._

 _I've lost my friends too._

 _Alice and I haven't spoken since the night that I told her that I'm going to New York without Edward. Rosie and I still talk, but it seems stilted, we're distant, it's nothing like the way were back then. Emmett is civil to me, but not like the big brother that I've left behind. And Jasper has outright told me that he won't talk to me until I got my shit together._

 _And Edward… there's just so much history between us._

 _He's my first love, my first kiss, my first and_ _ **only**_ _everything._

 _I met him the summer I turned seventeen. I was timid and shy in high school, his cousin, Alice was my only friend back then. From her, I have learned that her cousin from Chicago was moving to Forks to be with her grandmother, whose health was slowly deteriorating._

 _I have also learned that they were moving in to the big, elegant house just around the corner from us. I also remember Alice being excited about her cousin, and how we would get along well. She said that Edward and I shared common interest in a lot of things._

 _I just didn't knew back then how right she was._

 _The first time I met Edward, we immediately clicked. Alice was right about us having common interests. He and I almost have the same taste in music, and we were both big book nerds. Although our genres couldn't be any more different._

 _Edward has always teased me about my passion for the romantic literature._

 _The day we started dating, no one even batted an eye at us. They all said that they saw it coming. Our friends said that they have predicted that we'd end up together from the moment we were introduced. Even my father said that he's never seen two people more compatible for each other than Edward and I were._

 _And yet._

I was just fishing out the keys from my purse when my phone started ringing. I immediately unlocked the door, struggling with the bag and the heavy envelope.

I sifted through the contents of my purse, digging for my phone. I didn't even check the caller ID before I put it against my ear.

"Hello?" I greeted whoever it is on the other line while setting down my purse on the nearest coffee table.

"Hi, Bella?"

 _I immediately stood straighter, the envelope in my hands falling to the hardwood floors of my apartment. My heart started beating wildly._

 _I'd know that voice anywhere._

 **AN: Hi! Again, thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your reviews, I'm still trying to figure it out.** **Again, thank you very much!**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Three years ago, 2013**_

" _Honey, I'm home!_ " Edward exclaimed, followed by the clicking of the front door as it closed behind him.

"In the living room!" I said distractedly. I'm still perched on the floor. Actually, I've been sitting at the same spot on the floor for the last two hours.

I heard his footsteps along the hallway, and I scrambled up to clean as much as possible of the mess I made while sorting through the files and documents handed to me earlier.

"Hi, love." Edward bent down to my level to caress my face and to give me a sweet little kiss on the lips as a greeting.

I closed my eyes, and sighed deeply.

 _The heavy feeling in my heart dropped to my stomach._

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

I tried to shake my head to say that nothing's wrong, but from the look he gave me, I knew immediately that Edward has caught on to my mood. I looked away from his eyes, afraid to see the realization dawn on him.

"Let's have dinner first, okay?" I asked him, trying to convey with my eyes for him to let it go for the moment.

"Okay." He stood up first, then held his hand out to help me up.

Together, we walked hand in hand to the short distance between the living room and the dining area.

Our apartment wasn't huge by any means, but it has enough space for the two of us. It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, the kitchen, living room, and the dining area. The apartment is in Seattle, a few hours away from Forks but was close enough to be able to regularly see our friends and families, and also distant enough that we can have each other all to ourselves when we feel like it.

Edward and I both went to Seattle for college. We were accepted into the University of Washington, with Edward going for medicine while I studied English literature. On our freshman year, we have decided to try the dorms first, the both of us wanting to experience college in all its glory.

But when sophomore year rolled around, we were really determined to move in together. The dorms didn't turn out to be a wonderful experience for us, at all. The moment we realized this, we've scouted for apartments outside the campus, and when we have finally decided to settle in one, we hurriedly moved in. We have been living together ever since, and we've already created our own routine these past years.

But tonight, dinner was an awkward, quiet affair. Edward kept on looking at me, and I've been persistent on ignoring his eyes, instead I focused on the plate of lasagna in front of me.

We've been dating for five years now. And I'm pretty sure he's _the one_. But nothing has felt more awkward than tonight. It's like we both knew that something big will happen tonight, but the two of us were trying to ignore it.

 _I'm afraid of what will happen if I break the silence._

The sound of utensils scraping against our ceramic plates is already grating on my nerves, but I refuse to break the silence.

After a few minutes, Edward suddenly cleared his throat and I was startled out of my mind. I looked up at him and see that he's done with his dinner. He has his hands folded in front of him, and he's looking directly at me.

I swallowed the piece I had been chewing, and set my fork down. I looked around the room, before settling on his dear face.

My breath hitched, the same way it always does whenever I look at him.

 _He's utterly beautiful. And he's mine._

I gulped down a lungful of air, and tried to settle my nerves.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward asked, his face full of concern.

"I got a job offer today." I whispered.

"That's great, baby!" I see a smile forming on his lips, but faltered when he saw how serious I looked.

"It's in New York." I whispered.

I waited with bated breath, looking at Edward intently. I think I know when Edward has collected his thoughts and I waited for him to voice it out.

"That's a great opportunity but I'm just starting my residency here-"

"I accepted it." I whispered. I looked back down, afraid to see his reaction.

"What?" Edward asked, sounding bewildered.

"I said, I accepted it." I said, finally looking up at him. I can see the exact moment my words have sunk in.

"Why?" he asked under his breath. He looked down, breaking our eye contact.

"You know how I've always wanted to go to New York." I reasoned.

"But you know I can't go now. I'm just starting my residency here, and you know how I can't turn down this opportunity." He looked into my eyes, pleading for me to back down.

"I'm not expecting you to turn it down." I said, staring back at him, willing him to see that I'm serious.

"But you know I can't let you go alone-"

"Jacob's going with me." I muttered under my breath, bracing for the reaction I knew I'll get.

At the exact moment I've uttered those words, I saw Edward's expression quickly transition from dejected and undecided to a cold hard glare. Jacob has always been a cause of rift between us. Edward has always insisted that Jacob liked me, and I decide to just always let it slide. I mean, Jacob is _only_ a colleague and friend. He's my boss, and eventually my friend. And that's it, he was only a friend. But Edward couldn't, _wouldn't_ , see it that way. For him, Jacob will always be competition.

 _Edward's crazy for thinking that. There won't ever be competition for my heart. It will always be his._

"Okay, I see. _Jacob's_ going with you." Edward suddenly stood up, the glasses on the table shaking due to the force behind the action.

I remained seated, looking up at him, trying to form words, trying to assure him that I can never even think of replacing him.

 _Doesn't he know that he's my whole world?_

Edward was pacing in front of me now, muttering words under his breath. I can't understand what he's saying, he's too agitated and volatile now. _But I know that he'll never hurt me._

I slowly stood up, not wanting to startle him now. I walked carefully to stand in front of him and gently held his hands in mine.

"Edward-"

"Why, Bella?" he sounded worn down, as if he's lost a battle.

"I just… I need to do this for myself. I can't let it pass me. I want to stand up on my own, discover myself." I'm close to tears now, but I won't let them fall. I want Edward to see that I'm capable of doing this, for myself.

"But you're going to New York. With Jacob." Edward sneered, as if Jacob's name has brought a disgusting dog smell to his senses.

"Edward," I started, "it's not like that. He's my boss, and he's the one who offered me this job. And I'm pretty sure we'll have separate lives in New York." I said, trying to placate Edward.

He nodded, as if trying to comprehend what I just said.

"What about me? Bella, you're leaving. You're planning to fly to New York and live your life." His voice seemed to be on edge, like a volcano counting down for an eruption.

"I'm sure, when we have the time, I can fly down to visit you. Or vice versa. I mean, we can always figure something out." I suggested, thinking and knowing that this will be the best solution for the moment.

"So, what? The five years we've been together is dwindled down to town visits?" Edward boomed, "What, Bella? What will happen to us?"

I remained silent, on the edge of tears. I opened my mouth several times, but no sound would come out. I slowly shook my head, preparing my heart for the battle.

"I can't turn this down." I whispered.

"Okay, I see where this is going. You're choosing New York over _us_." Edward said, turning for the door.

"I'll be at Emmett's." He stormed, banging the front door loudly on his way out.

I watched him walk away from me, leaving me in the dining area with tears in my eyes.

I've expected Edward to come home later that night, but he never did. As the night turned into days, I knew he won't come home until I've left for New York.

So when the day arrived, I have already packed all my belongings that I'd intended to take with me, and those I've decided to leave were sent to Charlie's. I've called Edward several times, but he never picked up the phone. I've reached out to Alice and Jasper, but they told me to get my shit together before I come looking for Edward.

I called Rosie, and she listened to me. I told her that I want to go out on my own, to find myself. I want to be sure of myself before I settled with Edward. She knew that I never doubted what Edward meant to me. She knew that Edward was the only thing in my life that I'm sure of.

 _It is with myself I'm having doubts with. I thought that I had to prove my worth to be deserving of Edward._

Rosalie knew how betrayed and undeserving I felt when Renee left Charlie and I. This feeling was passed onto my relationship with Edward.

I've always thought that he's too perfect, too beautiful for me. And somehow, by earning my keep, I'd be able to have him.

But my biggest fear, the one I haven't told Rosie, is that _I thought we're too young and too in love. I'm terrified of the thought that I'd ruin this relationship to the point of no turning back._

Before I've boarded the plane to New York, I called Edward. He never answered his phone, even when I said that I have to tell him something urgent.

A few days later, as I lie awake in my _too empty_ apartment, I reached for my phone on the bedside table and dialed his number. It rung a few times before I was directed to his voicemail.

 _I told him how sorry I was. How I thought that I have to be deserving to be able to keep him._

 _I told him how I wish that he's here with me, experiencing New York with me, like I've always dreamed of._

 _I told him how Jake met a girl a few hours into our flight, and how their connection was instant._

 _I told him that he's the only one, that he'll always be the one._

I cried into my pillow, the phone clutched to my ear as I tell him _I'm_ _sorry_ for a thousand times. 

And when my voice is hoarse from all the crying, I said the most important words to ever pass my lips.

"I love you, Edward."

 _But not once did Edward ever picked up the phone and called me back._

 _ **AN: Thank you for reading!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_Edward has_ _ **never**_ _called me since that night in Seattle._

 _So what the hell am I hearing on the other end of the line?_

"Hello? Is this Bella Swan?" The voice who sounded just like Edward's asked, his words as clear as the sky.

"Edward?" I whispered, afraid to say his name aloud.

"Yes, this is Edward," the voice said, chuckling lightly.

"What? No way." I countered. I felt foolish for arguing with whoever it is calling me.

"Yes, it's me. Uhm… I got your number from Rose." Edward said, his voice turning serious for the moment.

"Why?" I breathed.

"Because we need to talk, Bella. It's been three years." He reasoned, "We need closure, Bella."

I gasped, my throat feeling dry.

"And you want to do this over the phone?" I asked, disbelieving.

"No, ah, part of why I'm calling is to tell you that I'm coming to New York for a conference next week. I'll be there for four days, and I hope that we could meet up then and catch up." He explained.

 _Closure. Edward wants closure._

 _Maybe I need it too, for me to be able to move on._

"Okay, I'll meet you then. What day are you free?"

"I'll come up by on the 16th, so the Monday after that should be good." He said.

I sifted through my mind for my schedule for the upcoming week, trying to see if I can have a free day then.

"Yes, sure. I think I can accommodate." I assured while I distractedly picked up the envelope I'd dropped when I answered the call.

"Okay, good. Well, good night, Bella. I'll see you next week."

"Yeah, _see_ you next week." I muttered before I hang up.

 _Edward will be in New York next week._

The weekend passed by fast. On Friday night, after Edward called, I've decided to read the manuscripts I brought home. On the weekends, I spent the time tending to the errands that I've neglected all week. I went to the grocery, cleaned the house, done laundry, and such.

When Monday came in, I was told by my boss that I am to take a new junior editor under my wings. Her name is Angela Weber, and she's originally from Florida.

I met Angela the moment she came in and we instantly clicked. We were both timid, we do not have the need to fill silence with incessant chatter, but I can see that she could be quote outgoing too _. I think we're going to be friends_.

"Hey, Bella." Angela stood by my doorway, smiling at me timidly. "Would you like to go out to lunch with me?"

I looked up at her, feeling a light flutter in my chest.

"Sure," I smiled wide. "Let me just finish up real quick."

I quickly saved the document I was currently editing and turned my desktop on hibernating mode. I gathered my purse, and stood up. I subtly stretched my limbs, I've been sitting for hours now.

I fetched Angela on my way out, and we've decided to have lunch on the little café in front of our building.

"So, Bella, where are you originally from?" Angela asked as we sit inside the café, the busy lunch hour surrounding us.

"I'm from Forks, Washington. Born and raised." I smiled, before sipping my cup of coffee.

"I'm assuming you still have family back at home?" she inquired.

"Yes, actually. My father, he's the Chief of Police back home, and I've got some friends. Some people I grew up with." I mumbled into my cup.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Angela asked, her eyes gleaming with mischief behind her eyeglasses.

"Uhm, no."

"But, why?" she asked, her face forming a little scowl. "I'm mean you're pretty, and you seem really nice."

"It's… uh... I just haven't gone out much." _Well, not at all actually._

"Then, we need to go out tonight! My boyfriend and I are new here Bella, we need you to show us around!" Angela exclaimed. I can already see the excitement bubbling under her surface.

"I told you, I haven't gone out much in the last three years I've been living here." I tried to reason out.

"Well, then. We'll change that." She smirked.

 _Huh, if you say so._

By the end of lunch hour, I don't know _how_ , but Angela has convinced me to go out tonight with her and Ben, her boyfriend.

 _And here comes another dilemma. I don't think I have appropriate clothes for going out._

So I find myself rifling through my closet for nearly an hour now, still coming up blank. I was just about to give up when I remembered that my mom got me a dress that may be fine for tonight.

 _She gave me this when she's heard of my breakup with Edward. She called it the 'getting back in the game' dress. I'll wear it tonight, but I don't think I want_ _ **that**_ _effect. Yet._

By 8:00 pm, Angela called me to say that they're on their way to _Katz's Delicatessen_ , only a few blocks away from my apartment. So I gathered my purse and prepared to leave, locking the door on my way out.

When I arrived at the deli, I can see that Angela and Ben has already arrived. I was approaching the table when I noticed another occupant at the table.

 _Oh, god. Angela!_

I stuttered in my steps, not sure if I should proceed. But before I was able to bolt out, Angela saw me, and waved me over. She has this huge grin on her face and I want to slap it off.

 _I'm not playing your game, Weber._

I narrowed my eyes at her, and briefly looked at the other occupant, who's seated facing away from me at the moment, and turned back to Angela, whose grin got wider, if possible.

"Hi, Bella!" she greeted, standing up.

"Hello," I said curtly, trying to stop my hands from shaking.

The other two occupants looked at us, and whom I assumed to be Ben stood up, and walked over to Angela and me.

"Hi," he said, holding out his hand, "I'm Ben, Angela's boyfriend."

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan. Nice to meet you, Ben." I smiled, and took a hold of his to shake it.

The other guy slowly stood up and walked over to us, too.

"Hello, you must be Bella." He smiled. "I'm Paul Lahote, Ben's co- worker."

I shook his hand, not wanting to seem rude.

After the introductions, we all sat down around the table and perused the menu. With the orders done, we all talked and tried to get to know each other.

I've learned that like Angela, Ben was also from Florida. He's now currently working at a law firm with Paul. Angela and Ben were now dating for 5 years, starting back in high school. They went to college together in New Hampshire, and after graduation, have decided to try out the opportunities in New York. Paul is originally from New York. He graduated from NYU School of Law, and is now currently working at his father's law firm. They also asked me about my background, and I indulgently told them.

 _I haven't felt this much fun in forever, so I humored them. Although, I try to tell them as little as possible about those issues I've left at home._

The night was filled with laughter, and a burgeoning sense of a blossoming beautiful friendship. Before the night ends, we've all decided to hang out again, soon.

 _I think life in New York is going to get better from here._

The week passed by in a blur, and before I know it, it's Saturday night and Edward's going to be in New York by tomorrow morning.

 _ **AN: Hi, I would like to thank SunflowerFran for rec-ing my story. And also everyone who's Favorited, followed, read, and reviewed. The reaction I received was truly astounding, so again, thank you all so much for reading my little story! :)**_


	6. Chapter 6

Hours after I've laid in bed, I still couldn't sleep. I kept on thinking about what might happen on Monday, when Edward and I would talk, finally.

 _I wonder if this is what will finally set me free. I think I need this closure as much as Edward does._

 _Maybe I need the closure more than he does…_

I woke up early on Sunday, my mind still bleary from the green eyes I was dreaming about. I looked to my alarm on the bedside table and see that it's only 7 o'clock in the morning. I groaned, cursing my body for not having the ability to stay in bed longer than usual.

After internally cursing myself, I got up and went straight to the shower. _I have a long day ahead._

By noon, I was done with most of my errands. All that was left was to go to the grocery and doing my laundry. I was just preparing to leave the apartment when my phone pinged, indicating that I received a new message.

 _ **Hi, Bella. I'll meet you at Shopsin's tom night. 7pm. See you.**_

 _ **-E.**_

I involuntarily smiled. He also texted me when he landed in New York last Thursday night.

 _Edward is in New York._

 _Although this is not what I have dreamed of, I'll take what I can get. Maybe Edward and I could still be friends, like the way we were back then._

I shook my head slightly and picked up my pace. _Now's not the time to think of such things, we still need to talk, figure out where this leaves us, given the circumstances surrounding us._

I headed out of the apartment armed with my purse on one arm and my grocery bag on the other. I walked to the grocery two blocks from where I live.

I was just rounding the block when I looked up at the sky.

 _Today is a beautiful spring day, I thought. I hope it stays like this for the rest of the week._

I was wretched from my thoughts when I stumbled upon something on the sidewalk. I looked down and was horrified when I saw a whimpering dog scampering away from me. I looked to the owner's feet and trailed my eyes upward, looking to apologize for apparently stepping on his or her dog.

I was surprised when I eyes met a familiar face.

"Oh, Paul! I'm so sorry for stepping on your dog!" I exclaimed, near tears.

Paul smiled mischievously at me, as if he has a trick up on his sleeves.

"It's okay, Bella, you didn't fully step on him. You were just about to hit Sam with your grocery bag." He lightly chuckled, trying to reassure me.

"Still, oh God. I'm horrified of how I almost terrorized your dog." I said, looking at the large- sized Golden Retriever hiding behind Paul's legs.

"It's fine, really. Sam was just startled when your bag was inches away from hitting him in the face." Paul laughs, lightly patting my arm.

I looked at him, beginning to open my mouth to apologize again.

"By the way, you live in this area?" Paul asked, looking around us.

"Yeah, I live just around the corner." I said, tilting my head to the direction of my apartment.

"Oh. Well, I live in that building." He said, pointing to an apartment building across the street. "So, I didn't get the chance to ask for your number the other night."

 _Oh no…_

"I… uhm…" I stumbled, feeling blood rushing to my face.

"C'mon, Bella. Just dinner." He cajoles, still smiling warmly at me.

 _Well, what the hell do I have to lose?_

"Okay. Give me your phone," I said, reaching my hand out for his phone. "I'll punch in my number."

Paul hands me his phone, and I put entered my number. After giving it back to him, he touched something on the screen and in turn, I heard my phone ringing in my pocket. I fished it out and saw an unregistered number calling.

"There, you now have my number too." Paul said, looking at the phone in my hands.

"Okay." I smiled lightly.

"Well, I'll call you later in the week, Bella. And hopefully, we'll figure something out about the dinner that you owed me." He said, winking at me.

I nodded, utterly speechless now that it has settled. _I just agreed to go on a date with Paul. In the same week that I'll see Edward._

Paul gently nudged at the leash on his wrist, and Sam slowly stood up by his legs.

"Bye, Bella." Paul said, brushing his hand across my arm.

"Bye." I whispered back, looking at him.

He smiled one last time before turning around and walking to the direction opposite from where I was headed.

When I reached the grocery, it was thankfully not bathed in crowds. I went straight to the produce section, intending to buy meat and other poultry products for the week. After that, I headed to the dairy products to pick up ice cream, butter, and cheese. I have also decided to buy some vegetables and fruits. Next on the list were the cleaning supplies and other home essentials.

Before heading to the counter, I decided to buy some wine, too. I've figured that I will likely have company this week, and it is better to be prepared.

After ringing up my purchase, I picked up my grocery bag and started to head home. It was mid- afternoon now and it's so nice to smell spring in the air.

Thankfully, I didn't step on anyone's dog on the way home this time. I reached my apartment unscathed, and have not inflicted harm to anyone.

I was just about done putting away my grocery when my phone pinged with a text message.

 _ **How about tacos on Wednesday, Bella?**_

 _ **Xx Paul**_

I was actually stomped, not knowing how to handle this. Paul wants to date _me_ and I haven't gone out in years.

 _I'm just not sure if this is what I need right now._

Eventually, I replied to his text, agreeing to meet him on Wednesday night. I've figured, maybe this thing can be kept casual. Maybe it doesn't have to be so serious, we can just be two people who enjoy going out and having fun, no string attached. It's not like I want to have sex with him right away, maybe eventually, if we ever get to that point.

I looked up the date on the calendar on my phone, intending to see if I have anything that will keep me in the office late, but my eyes trailed to tomorrow's date instead.

 _June 20._

 _Edward's birthday is tomorrow. And I'm meeting him for dinner._

I don't know if he has somehow planned it but I let it go, instead, I grabbed my keys and purse. I put on my shoes and went out.

 _Time to go and buy something for Edward's birthday._

 _ **AN: Hi! Thank you for reading!**_ __


	7. Chapter 7

_Time check: 6:11 p.m._

I glanced nervously at my alarm clock for the thousandth time, still only clad in a bath robe. I look towards my bed and see that almost _all_ of the contents of my closet were lying on my bed. I think I might also go bald with the way I've been pulling on my hair.

" _Don't be coward_." I muttered under by breath.

I looked through my clothes _again_ and still came up with nothing to wear.

 _Again_.

 _Come on, Bella. Just pick something out, match it with a pair of shoes, then go out. It's not like this is a date._

I sighed, then headed towards my bed again. This time, I was _finally_ able to pick a camisole that is casual, yet dressy enough for dinner. I then looked through my meager collection of shoes, picking a pair of comfortable ballet flats. I forgo putting on makeup, instead I just dabbed on a slight sweep of lipstick.

I looked at the clock again, and _holy shit it's now 6:30 p.m.!_

I quickly scooped up my phone and wallet and threw it inside my purse. After making sure that I have everything I might ever need tonight, I tore through my apartment door like I was on a chase.

I was at the entrance to Annisa by 7:05 p.m.

I scanned the crowd for Edward, but I can't see him from where I'm standing. I decided to proceed to the hostess' podium to ask for help.

"Hi, I wonder if my dinner companion is already here? I think a table is reserved under Cullen." I said, smiling at her.

"Hello, miss. Good evening," she greeted. "Well, let me just check here." She then proceeds to check her list of diners.

"Miss Swan?" Kate, I read the name on her nameplate, said with a questioning look on her face. I nodded in confirmation.

"Mr. Cullen is here. Let me accompany you to your table." She said, stepping off of the podium to guide me through the restaurant.

We walked through a full restaurant, not stopping until we almost reached the back of it. I scanned the crowd again and caught a swift glimpse of bronze hair seated three tables away from where we were currently standing.

Kate continued on walking, with me trailing behind her. We were now close to the table and I can see Edward perusing the menu while nursing a glass of wine. He seemed to be in deep thought, and not notice our approach.

"Your table, Miss Swan." Kate said, smiling at me. "Mr. Cullen," she said, sending him a smile too before curtsying slightly.

I heard the softened scrape of his chair across the floor, which made me trail my eyes to his direction. Edward has stood up, and is now offering me a warm smile.

"Hello, Bella." Edward said, slowly closing the small distance between us.

"Edward," I said, smiling a little.

He now stood in front of me. I can smell the distinct smell of his cologne, and that unidentifiable scent that I have always associated with Edward. He leaned down, and pressed a small, gentle kiss on my cheek.

I stood still for a moment, not knowing what to do. I know a part of me wanted to reach out to him, and just hold him. I heard Edward softly clear his throat, and that has brought me out of my stupor. I remembered where I was, what we were here for.

I gently grasped his arms and slowly looked up into his eyes. I smiled lightly, just looking at him.

"Happy birthday, Edward." I said softly.

Edward grinned, his face glowing.

"Thank you." He said, just as softly as I did.

Edward then proceeded to pull out my chair and wait for me to sit own. I tried to do so as gracefully as I can, will Edward did the same with ease.

We sat at the table, just looking at each other for a few moments. In my head, I was looking for the things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how he's made me feel when every call I made was left unanswered, how it felt when he walked out and never came back. I wanted to tell him I how alone I was, when he and everybody else abandoned me for my decision.

 _I wanted to tell him all of these things. I want him to know how it felt, and I won't tell him these things for him to feel sympathy for me. I want to tell him so that I can move past this phase in my life, all these years of hurt has weighed me down. I haven't grown emotionally in the last three years, all because I was left with no explanation for what was done to me, to us._

The chatter around the restaurant has brought me out of my musings, and I noticed Edward was looking at me. _Really looking at me._

 _I wonder if he can tell what's on my mind._

I smiled gently at him, trying to reassure him that I was fine.

"So, shall we order?" he asked, hovering his hand slightly over his head, waiting to flag down a server.

I nodded silently while I perused the menu.

After placing our orders, silence has, once again, taken over our table. I looked at Edward, subtly checking out the things that have changed over the years.

His face now looked more noteworthy, the last of his baby fat gone. His eyes looked greener, if possible, as if the color has become more prominent as his knowledge broadened. His hair is now trimmed short, no longer skimming his eyes. And he now wore a light scruff, covering his sharp jaw.

 _He still looked so breathtakingly handsome. But now, he is more man than he was three years ago._

"How have you been, Bella?" Edward asked, his eyes looking all over my face, as if he's also trying to see what has changed.

"Well, work has been good lately, and I'm doing well." I smiled. "You? How's work?"

"Work has been hectic, as expected. But you know how much I've wanted to do this so that doesn't really bother me." Edward said. I can see how much he values his job, his eyes shining and his whole face was glowing.

"How's Irina?" I asked, my throat feeling dry.

"Bella," he said, a slight warning in his tone, "Let's not talk about it." He whispered, looking down.

I looked at the table, at loss for words.

 _What else is left for us to talk about?_

"Look, I know I said that we'll talk but can we do that later?" Edward asked, looking at me again.

I slowly nodded my head, not sure where he's going with this.

"I just…" he hesitated, " _I missed you_. And I know that I have no right to say that now, given the way we've left things, how _I've_ left, but Bella, you've been gone for too long and I just… I miss you, so damn much." Edward said, his voice wavering slightly.

I was dumbstruck of what Edward has said. In all the years that we have not talked, I've always wondered how he felt, if he has disregarded all the years that we've been together because of my decision.

 _And I miss him too. More than he will ever now. But that doesn't change things. He and I have our own separate lives now. I have prioritized my career, set aside my emotional growth and has seemingly cut ties with the people who knew me. And there is an Irina now._

I sat straighter, looked Edward in the eyes intending to get to the point of this dinner, but at the same time, the server has arrived with our orders.

After setting it down, the server left our table again and we began our silent dinner.

There was small talk, mostly just about nonsensical things. We kept the conversation light, just inquiries about how his family has been, how Forks is, and he shared some stories about his residency, the hospital he's now working in, and other random things that has begun to shape up his life.

In turn, I told him about my job, about my yearly visits to my mom, how Charlie was nagging me about visiting _him_ , what I think of New York and how it has treated me.

It was just like the old times, us having conversations about anything, except for _the one thing_ we should really talk about.

Dinner eventually ended, and we both fought to foot the bill. I reasoned that I didn't get him anything for his birthday, _although I actually did,_ and Edward said that this is his birthday treat. I offered to split the bill, but he declined. So I allowed him to pay, _I know how he's always hated to let a woman pay for her meals when he's the one who asked to eat out in the first place._

We stood in silence outside of Annisa, the both of us have declined to have wine with dinner. Edward suggested we go to a bar nearby, but I voiced out that we won't be able to talk with all the noise going on.

 _And even though I'm actually having a good time right now, I know that we really needed to talk. Air out our issues and move on with our lives. So I did the unthinkable._

"We can talk in my apartment," I suggested quietly, but I know Edward heard me given the way his eyes widened slightly.

 _I bet he didn't expect that. Well, I didn't, too…_

"Are you sure?" Edward asked, disbelief slightly coloring his tone.

"Yeah," I said, breathless.

Edward seemed to contemplate this for a while, periodically looking at me.

"I won't try anything," I joked, smiling slyly at him. Edward cracked a smile.

"If you say so," he shot back, winking. "Let's go."

I was slightly taken aback by his acquisition, but I think I was able to quickly school my features.

"Lead the way, Bella." Edward said, nudging my shoulder.

I breathed out a breath, turned to Edward and said, "This way."

We turned to the direction of my apartment and walked in comfortable silence, although there were small, silent conversations that led us to our destination.

 _ **AN: Thank you!**_


	8. Chapter 8

We were just rounding the corner, the both of us still in comfortable silence, when we walked past a group of rowdy men. They seemed to be drunk, so I huddled slightly closer to Edward. We have almost surpassed them when one suddenly grabbed my arm. I wasn't anticipating it, so I was not able to react quickly but Edward instinctively jerked me away from them and pushed me behind him.

"Don't touch her." He hissed under his breath, while covering me from their line of sight.

"Man, we just want to have fun." The one who grabbed me slurred at him.

He reached out to me again, but Edward's reflexes were faster than his, and he was able to deflect the drunk man's advances.

"I said," Edward started through clenched teeth, "don't fucking touch her!"

The man grinned at Edward, then peered around him to look maliciously at me, I cringed from his stare.

"C'mon, you wanna have fun, baby?" he asked, baring all his teeth in a disgusting smile.

I scowled at him and tried to get Edward to move. But he wouldn't budge.

"Let's just go, Edward." I said, tugging on his arm.

Edward stood still, shooting daggers at the men in front of us. I looked past the one in front of us to the others, who were lounging on the sidewalk. Almost all of them were wearing drunken grins, but still, I'm scared that they'll round up on us if Edward would attack.

I pulled on Edward's arm again, and this time, he looked back at me.

"Let's go." I repeated. Edward turned back to look at them, before speaking in a grave voice.

"I don't want to see any of you again, is that clear?" he roared at them, I saw the men flinching slightly at his tone.

Edward then quickly ushered me away from them, the both of us rushing around the corner with swift steps. I looked back at them over my shoulder and saw that they were still looking at us. I quickly averted my gaze and walked faster.

My apartment is now in sight, which made me almost cry out in relief. Edward has already slowed down his pace and I tried to match his. My breathing was heavy, my heart thumping quickly in my chest.

"I don't want you walking alone at night, Bella." Edward said, his voice almost too low for me to hear.

"I rarely go out, anyway." I tried to reason out, but Edward looked at me with this look in his eye.

"Just," he took a deep breath, "please, just promise me that you won't go out alone at night."

I nodded silently at him, my eyes wide.

"Promise me, Bella." Edward stopped walking and held onto my arm, looking at my eyes.

"Yes, I promise." I muttered, trailing my eyes to meet his.

We stood still for a few moments in front of my apartment, our eyes locked in an embrace.

I was snapped out of the moment when I heard a door slamming shut behind us. I looked over to the source of the noise and I saw my neighbor looking at us. I quickly averted my gaze and led Edward up to my apartment.

We walked up the stairs in silence, and I can see Edward looking around the place as we ascend.

Finally, we have reached my door. I rifled through my purse, looking for my key. Once I had a hold of it, I unlocked the door and stepped inside, ushering in Edward. He passed the threshold, still looking around.

"Nice place," he commented, looking at the paintings I had hanging up at the mantle before looking at me.

"Thanks," I said while I removed my coat. This prompted Edward to do the same.

I started heading to my kitchen, looking over my shoulder at Edward.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked, "I have wine."

"Yes, please." Edward responded.

"Okay, make yourself comfortable." I told him, tilting my head to the living room. Edward followed my gaze, and with a smile, nodded and turned to go to the couch.

I headed to the kitchen, going directly to my pantry cabinet to take out the wine I bought earlier. I also grabbed two glasses on my way out of the kitchen.

I walked the short hallway from my kitchen to the living room, and the sight that greeted me melted my heart.

 _Edward is in my apartment. He's really here._

He's currently perusing my bookshelf, with his back to me. I silently stood there for a while, just looking at him.

 _This is the man I'd thought I would spend the rest of my life with._

My eyes began to water slightly, so I held my breath, willing my tears to go away.

I softly cleared my throat, signaling my presence to Edward. He turned slowly and gave me a bright smile. When he saw that my hands were full, he quickly approached me and took the glasses.

He set it down on the coffee table and I followed suit, before sitting on the coach. Edward sat down beside me.

After pouring wine for the both of us, we sat in silence, contemplating what we were about to rehash tonight.

After a moment, Edward broke the peace.

"Bella," he started, "I'm sorry."

I was about to open my mouth when he continued.

"I should have stayed, listened to you. I should have never walked out on you like that."

I nodded, thinking about my words.

"That, you walking out, it has hurt me deeply, Edward." I said lowly, "since then, I've always wondered if it is really that easy to just turn your back on me, on _us_."

"You know that it's not…"

"Enlighten me then, Edward." I said, my voice becoming stronger.

"You should know that I wasn't expecting you to say that you were leaving for New York, with or without me." he took a deep breath, "I built my life around you, Bella. And for you to say that it's okay for you to go on without me, that you're willing to put your career over us, I just can't stand there and let you do that to us."

"But you did the same thing!" I exclaimed, turning to face him. "You put your career over us, too. You were willing to stay, you're going to let me leave, and you did."

"You should know that I would have followed you, anywhere." He whispered.

"But you didn't, why?" my voice wavered. I can feel the tears flowing from the corner of my eye. I quickly swiped my hand over my eyes, catching the tears.

"I didn't because you never gave me the indication that you wanted me to." He explained, "I assumed that you wanted to focus on your career."

"What about my phone calls? You never called me back." I asked, remembering the nights that I cried myself to sleep after every unanswered call.

"Well," Edward winced, scratching the back of his neck "my phone was the first casualty. I was so mad, I broke it when I got to Emmett's."

"I lost you, and I lost my friends too, Edward." I sniffled, "that was what hurt the most. I lost everyone I've ever _loved_. It wasn't easy for me to leave you all behind, I struggled here." I said, choking on my words.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm _so_ sorry, Bella."

As much as I wanted to hold back, the tears fell anyway. I cried softly, my body quivering. Edward put his hand on my back, gently stroking.

We sat in silence for a few moments, the both of us mulling over what has been said. My tears have died down, my body has stopped shaking. Edward still has his hand on my back.

He cleared his throat softly, his hands rubbing circles on my back.

"I was about to propose to you on the weekend you told me you were leaving, Bella." He said quietly.

I sat straighter, Edward's hand fell from my back. _My heart stilled._

 _He was going to propose, and I left._

"That's why I was so mad, Bella." Edward explained, "I was ready to lay my world at your feet, and you were ready to bolt out of Seattle."

I shook my head, still coming to terms with what he just revealed.

"I thought I had to prove myself, so that I can feel like I deserve you." I whispered.

"You never have to prove yourself to me." He said.

I nodded, speechless.

Edward reached over to the coffee table, refilling our glasses. I quickly gulped down my glass, and refilled it in the same manner.

The night wore on, the both of us sitting quietly in my living room, nursing our glasses. We mostly talked about what happened after I left, how Edward was inconsolable for days, how I struggled with adapting to New York.

I was startled from my sleep when I heard a groan. I quickly sat up, my head spinning.

 _I remember last night, I think Edward and I finished the bottle of wine between us._

 _I remembered us talking, rehashing the events that led to our breakup._

I squinted my eyes in the dark, trying to see around me.

There was another groan. I turned my head to where I _thought_ it came from. I peered around, and what I saw forced a gasp out of me.

 _ **AN: Hi, thank you! :)**_


	9. Chapter 9

Edward was spread all over my carpet, wearing nothing but his undershirt and boxers.

I looked down at myself, and sighed in relief when I saw that I was still fully clothed.

Slowly, I stood up, minding my throbbing head. I walked over to where Edward lay, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Edward was snoring softly, and occasionally groaning whenever he moved.

 _His head must have hurt as much as mine does,_ I thought.

I looked to where I saw the empty bottle of wine, with our glasses beside it. The bottle was drained to the bottom, not a drop of wine was wasted.

I thought to the previous night, trying to remember when we've decided to finish the whole bottle.

 _I think it was an unconscious decision, one that was triggered when we started talking about what happened after our breakup._

My memory was fuzzy, but there was this part of our conversation that was niggling in the back of my mind.

" _I've loved you with my whole heart, Bella." Edward whispered beside me, "that's something you can't just shake off, not even after some years have passed."_

" _I know," I replied. I know how it feels, Edward._

 _We sat in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. We were passing the bottle between us in swift succession, as if we were trying to drown our feelings._

" _You know," I said, disturbing the silence, "there was never a thing with Jacob."_

 _I looked at Edward, but he was facing straight ahead, so I continued._

" _Not after we got here in New York, not even in Seattle. He was only just a friend." I clarified._

 _There was only you._

 _Edward nodded, but he still stayed silent. I looked at him, and I only saw a glimpse of the boy I fell in love with when I was seventeen._

 _Gone was the trace of the slight baby fat he used to have in his cheeks, his eyes held mischief and wisdom now, the innocence long forgotten. His mouth, no longer curving into a boyish grin, but now it housed a permanent smirk as if he knew some dirty little secret._

 _Edward's a man now, the last years of his youth have passed. He has grown in the past years we've been apart, and so have I._

 _Maybe we're not the same anymore._

 _Perhaps we now want different things._

 _Or, just maybe, we haven't changed at all. Maybe even years apart haven't made much of a difference._

Edward fully woke up while I was in the kitchen, cooking a small feast for our breakfast.

He stumbled into the kitchen, with his arm raised at the same level as his head, shielding his eyes from the blinding glimmer of the sun peeking through the window.

"Good morning," I said, looking over my shoulder at him.

"Morning," he muttered, going straight for the coffee on the counter.

I snickered slightly, watching as he helplessly lowered his arm, the glare of the sun momentarily blinding him.

"Ugh, I'm never drinking again." Edward said, grumbling.

I chuckled more freely now, my hangover have passed when I took some Advil earlier.

"The painkillers are in the drawer to your right." I said, turning back to the stove.

I heard Edward inhale his coffee behind me, before he shuffled to the nearest chair.

"So," he started, "I'm sorry for crashing at your place."

"It's okay, really." I said, turning to face him. He had his mug of coffee close to his face, with his eyes scrunched up, trying to keep as much of the light out of his sight.

I plated the bacon I was cooking and walked over to where Edward was situated. I placed the plate on the table and sat across Edward, while I nursed my own cup of coffee.

"So, this is the awkward _morning after,"_ Edward joked, "I never thought I'd have it with you."

"Neither did I," I said, "what time is your flight?"

"5 o' clock." He said, after gulping a mouthful of coffee.

"Do you have somewhere to be?" I asked, hoping that he'd say _no_.

"No, I have already packed my bags before I left the hotel last night."

I sighed. _Last night…_

"Do you remember when we decided to get drunk? " Edward asked, looking at me.

I began plating some bacon and eggs, trying to decipher if he remembered what happened.

"No, not at all." I said, looking down at my plate.

"Well, I do remember, but just bits and pieces," he said before shoving a piece of bacon in his mouth.

I nodded before focusing on my plate again. Edward did the same, and we continued our breakfast in comfortable silence.

My mind kept on wandering to the only conversation I remembered having with Edward last night.

 _What did he mean when he said that it's not just something you can easily shake off?_

 _What about Irina? He hasn't mentioned her since he stepped into my apartment._

 _While on the subject, I've also noticed how he seemed to steer the conversation away from her, like when he did it back in the restaurant last night._

 _But I know that Irina matters a lot, given that they're engaged to be married._

 _That thought doesn't get easier, you just get used to it._

I was shaken off of my musings when Edward cleared his throat. I looked down at his plate and saw that he's done with breakfast. He wiped at his mouth, then gathered the mug. He took a sip of coffee before he looked at me.

"Do you want to go to the Museum of Modern Art with me?" Edward asked, looking at me with his eyes faintly pleading with mirth.

I thought for a moment, thinking about my schedule at work.

I thank the heavens that I have forebode to clear my schedule yesterday before I left the office.

"Sure," I said, smiling at Edward, "let me just clean up the apartment."

"I'll help you." Edward insisted, before standing up and clearing our plates.

I start to protest, but he gave me this look, the one he used to send my way when he wants to have something in his favor.

I shut my mouth and proceeded to the sink.

We ended up washing the dishes and cleaning the apartment together.

Edward reiterated that he has to help in cleaning because he was also responsible for the mess last night, and I conceded, not wanting to waste any more time arguing over simple chores.

After _he's_ made sure that the apartment was spotless, he quickly ran to his hotel to take a shower and change his clothes.

In turn, I also took a bath and prepared for my morning with Edward.

After making sure that everything is in order, I grabbed my purse and locked the door.

Edward has just texted me that he's already waiting downstairs.

I smiled to myself, thinking of the extra half day I get to spend with Edward.

 _ **AN: Thank you!**_


	10. Chapter 10

Edward was already waiting for me downstairs, leaning against the railings. He smiled indulgently at me, and then held out his hand, which was holding a paper cup of what I assumed is coffee.

I smiled in return.

I continued down the stairs quickly, while still being mindful of the steps.

"Hey," I said, smiling as I approached Edward.

"Hi," Edward replied, handing out the cup to me.

I thankfully get it from him, and took a sip. I looked up to Edward and see that he was looking at me.

I averted my eyes and looked around us. From the corner of my eye, I see Edward take a sip from his own cup before looking at me again.

"So," he started, "shall we go?"

"Yeah, sure." I said, steering us to the right direction, "This way."

We mostly walked in silence, although Edward would occasionally ask me random stuff about our surroundings.

After a few more minutes of walking, we have finally arrived at the Museum of Modern Art.

By lunchtime, Edward and I were done with the tour of the museum and were both starving. We've both decided to go to the Halal Guys, opting to give Edward the complete New York experience.

We were just standing in line, waiting to have our orders taken. The crowd is a bit busy, given that it is lunchtime.

"I can't believe I actually saw Van Gogh's The Starry Night in person." Edward said, his eyes held awe in them.

"Yeah, me too." I agreed, nodding. "It was beautiful."

"Sure was," Edward said, grinning at me, "Bella, thank you for accompanying me today. It means so much." He continued.

I looked at him, and smiled.

"It's nothing, Edward." I said.

"Well, I had a really great time." Edward continued, looking happy.

"Me too-"

"Bella!"

I was startled to hear my name and paused for a second before I turned to the direction I thought I heard it from, and I was totally not expecting to see who called me.

"Hi, Paul." I said, my voice slightly shaking.

"Bella, I thought that was you." Paul nodded, walking over to us.

I forced a smile to my lips, not really wanting to be in this situation _right now_.

"So, uhm…" I stammered, trying to find something to talk about.

"What are you doing here?" Paul asked, beating me to it. I noticed how his eyes kept on darting over to where Edward stood beside me.

"Oh, this is Edward Cullen," I said, gesturing to Edward, "a friend from _home_."

"Hi, I'm Paul Lahote, Bella's _friend_." Paul said while extending his hand to Edward for a handshake.

"Nice to meet you, Paul." Edward said, grasping Paul's hand, his voice slightly cold.

I looked at them while they stare each other down. I noticed how their grips on the other's hand have tightened, but it seems no one is backing down.

I cleared my throat, and the two of them snapped out of whatever it is they were having and looked at me.

"Uhm," I started, "It's our turn to order, Edward." I said, tilting my head to the cart.

"Well, then. I better get going." Paul said, looking at me.

 _Yes, go._

"Nice to see you, Bella." Paul said, "And Edward." He continued after a beat.

"Likewise," Edward said, although given by his expression, it really wasn't.

Paul was just about to turn his back to us to leave, when he faced us again. I caught the glimpse in his eye and _I just knew._

"We're still on for tomorrow night, Bella?" Paul asked, looking smug.

"Yeah," I muttered under my breath, looking at the ground.

"Do you want me to pick you up?" Paul inquired, sounding hopeful.

I looked up at him sharply. _What are you playing at, Paul?_

I narrowed my eyes slightly before answering.

"No, I'll meet you there." I said, looking at him.

"Well," Paul shrugged, "there's always a next time." He said, winking and smirking at me.

 _Oh, I want to slap that smirk off of his face._

Edward quietly cleared his throat beside me and Paul looked at him, giving him a conceited smile.

"I should really get going now," Paul said, looking triumphant, "Bye, guys." He said before turning on his heel and walking to the opposite direction.

"Bye," I whispered to his back.

I slowly looked up to Edward to find him already looking at me.

"What?" I asked him, wondering why he's looking at me like that.

"Nothing," Edward said, shaking his head.

He turned abruptly and headed to the cart to place his order.

I think I heard him grumble _asshole_ under his breath, but I wasn't so sure so I let it go.

I walked over to join him at the cart and place my order.

We mostly ate in silence, since I can sense that Paul's appearance has dampened Edward's mood. He hasn't said a word to me since then, and I tried not to pry.

After a few more moments, Edward cleared his throat and looked at me in the eyes.

"So, you're dating that Paul guy?" Edward asked brusquely.

"No," I said, looking down at my plate again.

"But you're going out tomorrow night." He insisted.

"It's just one date, Edward." I uttered, exasperated.

Edward took a deep breath and looked away from me. I bit my lip, looking for my words.

"Edward," I started, _almost_ reaching out for his hand.

Edward looked to be deep in thought, his brows furrowing vaguely.

 _I don't get it at all. Edward seems upset over Paul, and it confuses me._

 _He has no right to feel that way, given he has Irina._

 _But given how he reacted, it seems as if what's between me and Paul is bothering him._

I was brought out of my musing when I heard a distinct sound of a phone ringing.

Edward fished his out of his pocket and looked at the screen. He looked at me briefly before going back to his phone.

"I have to take this." He told me before standing up and walking over to the corner of the restaurant.

I followed his movements, still contemplating what his problem was.

After a minute or two, he returned to our table, pocketing his phone before sitting down.

"That was Irina," he said distractedly, "just checking on things."

I nodded silently, not knowing what to say. My mind is a mess right now.

"Look, Bella," he began, "I'm sorry if I was out of line earlier."

"I just don't get it, Edward." I whispered. "You come here wanting to talk, but when we had the chance, we didn't really talk about the most important thing."

"I know, I'm sorry." Edward looked down at his plate, screwing his eyes shut.

"Stop apologizing." I snapped. Edward looked contrite, his brows furrowing further.

"You confuse me, Edward. You said you wanted closure, and that's why you wanted to talk, but I think we didn't get it." I remarked, feeling the adrenaline simmering in my stomach.

Edward was quiet for a few moments, looking as if he's stewing over what he's going to say next.

"Maybe," he whispered under his breath, "I don't want closure anymore."

 _ **AN: Thank you!**_


	11. Chapter 11

"….. my father's firm….."

 _Edward said he's not sure about wanting to close_ _ **our**_ _chapter…_

"….. currently on this crazy case…"

 _My heart stopped beating when he uttered those words…_

"And I've been so busy lately….."

 _And now, I'm more confused than ever…_

 _Edward._

 _Edward._

 _Edward._

"Bella!" Paul exclaimed, waving his hands in front of my face.

I was startled out of my mind, looking around my surroundings before focusing my gaze on Paul.

He looked perplexed, as if trying to read what's on my mind.

I try to subtly shake my head, attempting to clear my thoughts.

Paul cleared his throat, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

"Are you alright? You seem distracted, Bella." Paul asked me, looking worried.

"I'm fine," I said., "Jjust a lot on my mind."

I tried to give him a relaxed smile, but I don't think he buys it. He continued looking at me strangely.

After a beat, or two, Paul started talking again.

"So, as I was saying, we're so busy with this case right now. Y'know, regarding this weird- ass mogul who was slapped with a lawsuit from his former employee. Something about sexual harassment…" Paul prattled on while my thoughts drifted again.

 _I just don't get it. At all. Edward has a fiancé waiting for him back home, yet…_

 _Actually, I don't even know what he wants from me…_

 _I know what I want, but it seems so far- fetched… Especially right now._

I shut my eyes briefly before looking over to Paul.

 _He seems nice, although maybe a bit cocky. He's good- looking enough, but not the kind that renders you speechless. He has this beach- tanned skin, which probably exudes a cool, surfer dude vibe. His hair looked as if he spent about the half of an hour in front of the mirror, trying to style it to perfection._

 _I bet he's a smart, funny, caring, and fun- loving guy._

 _Maybe in an alternate universe, I would have been excited at the prospect of dating him._

 _But that is not the case._

 _In this reality, my heart is too preoccupied, too invested in a past that has altered me completely. And try as I might, there is nothing I can do to change it._

I chased away my thoughts, giving Paul my undivided attention for the rest of our _date_. Dinner continued to be uneventful affair.

Paul walked me home after dinner. He insisted on accompanying me, saying that it's too dangerous for me to walk alone at night.

I conceded, still feeling a slight apprehension from the other night when that drunk man grabbed me.

We reached my apartment in a short period of time. Paul was looking at me expectantly, willing me to invite him in.

"So, this is me,." I muttered, gesturing to my building's entrance.

"Well, I had a _really_ great time…" he trailed off.

"Yeah…" I started, but was interrupted when Paul stepped up to me.

"I don't want the night to end yet…" he whispered in my ear. I tried not to cringe. He is invading my personal space.

"Look, Paul," I said, while trying to subtly move away from him.,

"I'm tired, and I really have to get up early tomorrow."

"Fine," he acquiesced. , "Ccan I see you again?"

 _Oh, shit._

"Uhm…" I tried looking everywhere but at him. _How do I say this…?_

Paul seemed to have seen the hesitant look on my face, because as he took a deep breath, I can sense that it is one of defeat.

"Is it because of that guy? Edward?" he asked me, his voice sounding sharp and defeated at the same time.

"I'm so sorry, Paul." I said under my breath, looking at him, trying to make him see that I'm being sincere about it.

"I really liked you, Bella." He said, his eyes boring into mine pleadingly.

"I'm sorry.," I said again, having nothing else to offer him.

"Well, too bad for me, I guess." Paul chuckled bitterly, whispering almost to himself.

I just stood there silently, looking at him, and feeling his remorse. I never wanted to hurt anybody, but it looks like it still happened, no matter how unintentional it was.

"Can we at least be friends?" Paul asked, his smile somewhat bittersweet.

"Of course," I whispered, smiling lightly at him.

Paul nodded, before leaning down to place a chaste kiss on my cheek. He then turned around, angling to walk back to his place.

"Good night, Bella,." hHe said, looking over his shoulder at me.

"Good night," I replied, looking at his retreating figure.

I stood on the building's main entrance for a few minutes, watching Paul's retreating back turn around the corner.

 _Oh, Edward. Will I ever break away from your hold?_

I shook my head, dismissing the thoughts that plagued my mind.

 _Now is not the time, and place, to think about it._

I whirled around, heading for the building's door.

 _2:11 am_

I rolled over to my side, facing away from the glowing light of the alarm clock on my bedside table. I've been lying in my bed for hours now, my mind kept on coming back to the conversation Edward and I had during lunch last Tuesday.

" _What do you mean?" I asked, my voice an octave higher._

 _Edward looked down, and seemed to be grumbling under his breath._

 _I was looking at him intently, trying to see if he's really serious about this._

" _I don't know what I want anymore,." Edward said, before looking up to meet my gaze._

" _What? Why?" I was completely baffled, not expecting Edward to say that._

 _He looked away, his hand tugging at his hair. Based from his expression, I can say that he's anxious. Edward took a deep breath, its intensity felt even when we sit across from each other._

" _It's just that things aren't how I'd imagined them to be." He started, "The people I knew while growing up, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and even Emmett aren't the same anymore."_

 _Ii sat silently, willing him to continue._

" _Work is stressing me out. My parents, especially my dad, I know that they're expecting something greater from me." Edward huffed out, his ears tinged pink on the tips._

" _And Irina?" I urged silently._

" _Irina and I…" he trailed off, gazing further out the window. "We have our differences…"_

 _I nodded at him, although I don't think Edward saw it._

 _I looked around us, seeing the other patrons merrily having their dinners. It seems all the somber energy was compressed into our table._

" _And you're not there, Bella." He whispered so low that I wasn't sure if I heard him right._

" _I don't think Forks is home anymore."_


	12. Chapter 12

" _What?" I asked him, bewilderment apparent in my voice._

 _Edward turned sharply to me, his mouth gaping as if he wanted to say something._

 _I looked at him, seeing the slightly crazed look in his eyes._

 _Examining his face closely, I can see the faint effects of stress on Edward's face._

 _And I know._

 _Whatever he's saying, it's true. He's confused. Whatever pressure he's getting from his parents and Irina is weighing him down._

" _Bella," Edward said, calling my attention. I focused my gaze on his eyes, waiting._

" _Forget I said anything," he told me, his eyes casted downwards again. "there's just a lot on my mind right now."_

" _Edward," I started, "I think you should-"_

" _I'm fine," he snapped._

 _I halted my thoughts, my eyes narrowing slightly at Edward._

" _I'm sorry," he whispered. I nodded at him, looking down at my plate again. I tried to gather my thoughts, preparing myself for what I was about to say._

" _Hey," he said. "Please don't do that. I'm sorry,"_

 _I sighed deeply, looking up again._

" _I don't get you, Edward." I started, "You say you're confused, that the pressure you're getting from your parents is adding to your confusion. Hell, it seems to me that even Irina is causing your thoughts to be muddled. Yet when I tried to give you an advice you shut me out even before I started." I huffed out. I can feel the blood rushing to my face, the adrenaline coursing through my blood._

" _I'm so sorry, Bella," Edward whispered again._

" _Stop apologizing," I snapped. "Tell me, what do you want, Edward?"_

" _I don't know, okay?" he said, his voice nearing hysterical._

" _Let me rephrase it," I said. "What do you want from_ _ **me**_ _?"_

 _Edward looked dumbfounded for a moment, his eyes unfocused, glazing over the surface._

 _I watched as I sat across from him. I saw how a myriad of emotions flash on his face._

 _Confusion._

 _Guilt._

 _Agitation._

 _Anger._

 _His face was unreadable for a beat, before it settled on exhausted resignation._

" _I want you to be in my life again, Bella." He whispered, "I want you to be there."_

" _Edward," I said softly, tears pricking my eyes._

" _I know," he breathed, "I know it's not fair of me."_

 _I remained silent, waiting for him to continue._

" _I know it's not fair to you, for me to ask that of you. It's not fair to the life you've established here, and it's not fair to Irina," Edward muttered, his voice bearing the exhaustion brimming on the surface._

" _I agree that it's so unfair of you to ask that from me," I said lowly. "And Irina doesn't deserve this from you either," I continued._

" _I know," he said, hanging his head._

" _I thought…" I hesitated, "I thought you wanted closure?"_

 _There was a beat of silence, the both of us seemingly contemplating our thoughts._

 _I watched as a couple on the table next to us was holding hands above the table._

 _How an older gentleman held out the chair for his wife._

 _I watched as a pregnant woman come out of the washroom, her companion grinning widely as he watch her approach the table._

 _Time passed as we gathered our thoughts, the seconds merging into minutes. It didn't wait for us to decide on the thing that intertwines our lives together._

" _I thought I did," he whispered, "I thought I wanted closure. Before coming here, I was so sure that I was ready for it. But the moment I saw you, all thoughts of closure seemed to have vanished."_

 _He looked up, and I was startled by the gleam in his green eyes._

 _It reminded me of the greenest of meadows, the color shining brightly with unshed tears._

 _I shook my head slightly, trying to clear my mind._

" _What about Irina?" I asked him, voicing out the question that has been plaguing my mind ever since we started talking._

 _Edward took a deep sigh, his face morphing into resignation._

" _I don't know," he said._

" _You don't know?" the shrill of my voice was an octave higher than normal, "Edward, you have to tell me specifically what you want." I urged._

 _Edward kept quiet, so I continued._

" _Do you love her?" I asked, bracing myself for his answer._

 _I just know that once he opened his mouth, my heart will break._

" _Yes," he said, his voice so low that I had to strain my ears to hear him._

" _Of course I love her," he continued. "She was there when I was alone, she was there when I thought I'd never be able to love again."_

 _I nodded, resigning to the fact that he loves her._

" _But it's not the same way that I loved you," he added._

 _My head snapped up, my eyes throwing daggers at him._

" _Don't say that," I said through gritted teeth. "Don't be an asshole now, Edward."_

" _It's true," he whispered. "You know that what I'm saying is true."_

" _You're marrying her," I said, not sure if I'm reminding him or myself._

" _I…" he trailed off, looking away from me. "God, when did my life became so complicated?" he muttered under his breath._

" _I think that concludes it, don't you think?" I asked him. "You love your fiancé, so you go home and prepare for a wedding. I don't see how I can fit in your life anymore."_

 _Edward remained silent, his face impassive. I took a gulp of air, preparing myself for his answer._

 _But it never came._

 _Instead, Edward raised his arm, gesturing for the bill. I sat in stupefied silence, the blow of what just happened rendering me utterly speechless._

 _I watched in daze as Edward paid for our meal._

 _Later, he stood up, looking down at me expectantly. I scrambled to get my bearings and stood up too._

 _We walked out of the restaurant in silence._

 _The walk back to Edward's hotel was bathed in deafening silence. Neither of us uttered a breath, the tranquility forming a tense string between us._

 _I never thought that it would come down to this between us; to have Edward ultimately choose between his past and his future._

 _I held down a sob, accepting the path I have created for myself._

 _Edward stopped walking and abruptly turned to face me. I looked around and saw that we were at the entrance to his hotel._

 _He was gazing at me with such emotion that I fought with my tears stubbornly._

 _He held out his hand, and when I reached out, he pulled me into a tight hug._

 _I wrapped my arms around his back, breathing in his scent._

 _I can feel Edward laying his head on my shoulder, his arms getting secure around me._

 _I held back the sob in my throat, relishing the moment of having Edward in my arms._

 _I wound my arms tighter and tighter, prompting the moment to last longer. Because I know that this is goodbye._

 _I know that the moment he stepped on that plane, he will slip through my fingers and be grasped by somebody else._

 _Because as much as I want him, I can't make him choose me over Irina._

 _I can't do that to him, and to myself. And I know that Irina was a mere casualty in our story that was turning out to be a tragedy. She doesn't deserve this, she didn't do anything wrong. She was merely at the right place, at the right time when Edward needed comfort._

 _The comfort that we have taken away from each other._

 _Yet, being here in the comfort of his arms was helping me mend by broken heart, and at the same time, tearing me apart._

 _The sob I have been trying to hold down broke through me, causing my body to shake in tremors. Edward held me tighter, his voice lulling me into calmness._

 _His hand was gently stroking my hair, his arms holding me closer to his chest._

 _I strained to hold on tighter and break free at the same time._

 _My tears have abated, but the quivers going through my body was constant._

 _Edward squeezed me one last time before he slowly released me._

 _Still holding onto my shoulders, he held me at arm's length, his gaze focusing on my face._

 _I did the same, memorizing his features._

 _My eyes were muddled by tears, I tried blinking them away, wanting to focus on his face._

 _Edward leaned down, giving me another hug. I can feel his nose in my hair, breathing in my scent._

 _In turn, I buried my face on his chest, memorizing his scent._

 _He pulled away slightly, looking down at me before he leaned in to place a gentle kiss on my forehead._

" _Goodbye, Bella," he whispered, his breath washing over my face._

 _I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the moment to go on forever._

 _Edward gently released me from his grasp, his touch fading as he stepped farther away._

 _I opened my eyes to meet his gaze, willing courage to take over my features._

 _I gave him a timid smile, and he returned it with one of his own._

 _I took a deep breath, schooling my features._

" _Goodbye, Edward," I said, my voice sounding stronger, wholly contradicting how I was feeling inside._

 _I watched as he turned away from me, entering his hotel._

 _I stood there for a few moments, until I can no longer see him._

 _I turned to the direction heading to my apartment, my entire being feeling numb._

 _I reached my apartment in what seemed like no time at all, my mind in a fuzzy daze._

 _When I reached my apartment, I started to robotically do the chores that I have neglected._

 _Hours passed, I know that Edward has already boarded his plane hours ago._

 _I kept on fighting myself, stubbornly refusing to think back to what transpired earlier._

 _I turned to the clock mounted on my wall, seeing that it's only 7 o'clock in the evening. Yet I'm feeling drained._

 _So I dragged my feet to the bedroom and prepared for sleep. After my evening ritual, I plopped down on my bed._

 _I lay awake for a few minutes, just staring up at the ceiling blindly._

 _I thought back to what happened earlier._

 _Edward wanted me back in his life and I refused._

 _He loves Irina, and is going to marry her._

 _We have decided to settle into our lives, and have said our goodbyes._

 _Unknowingly, my eyes have started shedding the tears I have been trying to hold back since Edward and I started talking._

 _ **AN: Hi! Thank you so much for reading!**_


	13. Chapter 13

"Hi, Bella. You look like shit." Angela chided, poking her head through my office door.

"Good morning to you, too." I grumbled, squinting my eyes up at her.

She grinned mischievously at me, before proceeding to situate herself on the chair in front of my desk.

"Yes, please sit down." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes at her.

Angela laughed freely, her eyes gleaming with mirth.

"You're grumpy this lovely morning," She teased, her eyes roaming my face, "And you really look exhausted."

"Well, yeah, I'm tired," I sighed, moving my eyes away from the monitor in front of me, and directed my gaze to Angela. She looks chirpy this morning. I _hate_ it.

"So… how's your date with Paul last night?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

"It was fine," I whispered, looking away.

"Only fine?" she exclaimed, "I thought you liked him?"

"Yeah, I do." _As a friend._

"Then, why?" Angela whined, her eyes pleading at me.

"Because," I said, going back to the draft I was reading before she entered my office.

"C'mon, Bella. Details, I need them." She pleaded, reaching out to take my arm and shake it lightly.

I shrugged her off, pretending to ignore her.

"Was he not handsome enough? I think you can compromise, since I bet he's really good in bed-"

"Angela!" I exclaimed, her widened eyes gazing at me, "Please, stop." I said, rubbing my forehead.

I can feel the sleep deprivation creeping up on me.

'I'm sorry," she said meekly, "I just thought that you know… you need someone. I haven't known you for long but I can sense that you're… lonely."

"I appreciate that, but I'm fine, really." I said, breathing out a deep sigh.

Angela remained quiet, her eyes scrutinizing my face. I looked away, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"It's a guy, isn't it?" she inquired quietly, her gaze never leaving my face.

"I…" I hesitated, not knowing how to deflect her question.

"Do I know him?" she asked, seemingly lost in her mind. I'd wager that she's already cataloguing every guy in this building, trying to determine if she knew who's been on my mind.

"I highly doubt it," I murmured mostly to myself.

"Is he the one from Sales?"

"What guy?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow at her.

"You know… that cute guy who smiles widely…. Wait, never mind. I think he's married." Angela babbled, lost in her mind.

I shifted my focus on my computer again, picking up where I left off while Angela continued to gush on that guy from Sales.

"Wait, is the guy you like married? Is that why you're not with him?" she asked suddenly, making me halt in the middle of the paragraph I was reading.

 _Married._

 _Not yet, but will be some time._

"I… uhm…" I stammered, not knowing how to say what's on my mind.

She raised an eyebrow, looking at me skeptically.

"There's no guy," I lied, averting my eyes from hers.

"Bullshit, I can smell your lie from here." She said crossing her arms across her chest.

I sighed deeply, "Look, Ange, I don't want to talk about it yet, okay?"

"Ha!" she exclaimed, jumping from her seat, "I knew it! There is a guy!"

I frowned at her, pursing my lips to hide the slight smile for her exuberance.

"What's his name? Where did you meet him? Does he live in New York? What-"

"Ange!" I called her attention, "Let's not talk about _him_ here, alright?"

"But-"

"Later," I interrupted again.

She stomped her foot, causing me to chuckle.

"I'm getting it out of you over dinner later, Bella Swan." She threatened, pointing her finger at me.

I smiled cockily, goading her.

"Back to work, Ms. Weber," I said, the mirth coloring my tone.

Angela huffed at me, her chin stubbornly set.

"Dinner, Bella." She said, before turning around to march out of my office.

I heaved a sigh, watching as her figure walk off before I returned to my manuscript.

 _Dinner sounds so fantastic._

 _Not._

I arrived at the restaurant ahead of Angela. I actually preferred it that way, so that I can think ahead of what I was about to tell her. _How much I want to tell her about Edward._

I looked around me and saw that it wasn't a busy night at all, given that it's only Thursday…

There were a group girls seated on the right side of our table, they were laughing occasionally, but were mostly just talking among themselves. I snapped my gaze away from them, and focused on the elder woman sitting by herself on the farthest table from me.

I looked at her subtly and notice that she seemed to be dining already, so she probably wasn't expecting anyone.

I felt a pang of pity, wondering how lonely she must have felt.

 _I wonder if that'll be me in some years…_

 _Maybe it will be me, if I never get out of this Edward funk…_

My thoughts were startled when Angela plopped down on the seat in front of me, wearing a grin so huge it looked like she ate the whole canary.

"So, what's his name?" she asked excitedly, her eyes bouncing all over the place.

"Hello, Angela," I said, rolling my eyes at her.

"Yes, hello, stop with the pleasantries!" she exclaimed, "I want to know the details, give them to me."

I chuckled at the expression on her face, before I picked up my glass and took a sip.

Angela looked at me impatiently, and I internally grinned. She quirked her eyebrow, and I almost burst out laughing.

"His name's Edward Cullen, and I've known him since I was seventeen." I said quietly, quickly sobering up.

"He's your first love then?" she asked, her face serious.

"Yes,"

"So…" Angela trailed off, urging me to continue.

"We dated for five years before I came to New York," I swallowed the heaviness in my throat before continuing, "I got the job I 'm now in, and I knew that Edward was just starting his residency in this big- shot hospital, so I decided to go alone."

"He didn't ask you to stay?" she asked, incredulity in her tone.

"No, and I think I gave him no reason to." I said, "I was so determined to take this opportunity that I was willing to do it with or without him. I think that's what hurt him. I took this job without asking him about it." I finished in a whisper, my mind clearing out for me to focus on my selfishness.

"Yeah, I can see that," Angela whispered. I looked up at her, expecting to see judgement in her eyes, but all I saw was pity. _Maybe for me._

"Anyway, he was in New York last week. And I saw him on Monday night," I said quickly, wanting to gloss over the Tuesday night we spent together.

"He was here to visit you?" she asked and I can hear the hope blossoming in her voice.

"No, he was here on business. But he wanted to talk things out for us, so we met for dinner." I explained, trying to look as unaffected as possible.

"So what did you guys talk about?" Angela asked, nibbling on a breadstick.

"He said he missed me, and how he's not sure about what he wants anymore. I…" I trailed off, calming myself before the tears fall.

"Did he ask you to get back together?"

"No, he's getting married." I whispered, looking down.

I heard rather than see Angela choking on the bit of breadstick she was chewing. I quickly looked up at her, wanting to make sure she's okay.

She was already taking a sip from her glass, her face red.

'What?!" she exclaimed, her face getting more flushed.

"I said he's getting marri-"

"I heard you," she griped, "I just can't believe it. What an asshole!"

"Angela," I said disapprovingly, shaking my head at her.

"No, Bella. He said he missed you and all that shit, but he's getting married? I can't believe that jerk." She huffed out, crossing her arms across her chest.

I sat silently, waiting for her tirade to be over.

"What did you tell him, then?" she asked me, narrowing her eyes as I prepare to answer.

"I told him to get back to his fiancée," I muttered, "I mean, I can't see how I can be in his life knowing that he's going to build a life with someone else."

"Yeah, you go girl," she said, smiling sympathetically at me.

I gave her a small smile of my own, watching as our server approached our table.

After talking, dinner was a simple, quiet affair. Angela kept on looking at me curiously, her expressions giving nothing else away.

And as we paid off our bill, I learned why she seemed to be contemplating something in her mind. She asked me to continue our night to a bar, saying that I needed it.

I obliged, although slightly unwilling.

 _I figured that I do need it, given the past days._

So we went to this bar three blocks from my apartment. Angela kept on handing me unknown drinks, which I promptly drank. I lost count on how much I've consumed.

We talked mostly about work, Ben, and random things. B _ut never about Edward._

 _I think she has sensed that I've already had too much of him to think about._

As the night ended, Angela and I parted ways. Her to go home to Ben, and me to go back to my empty apartment.

I stumbled on my way to home, my vision bleary and my feet wobbly.

It took me five or more times before I was able to unlock my door. And as I staggered my way through my dark apartment, I think I was able to break two lamps in the process.

I heaved a sigh of relief as I approached my bedroom, already thinking of my comfortable bed.

I released myself from my clothes, before hefting my weight on the bed.

I looked to my purse that I've discarded on my night stand and went to grab it, planning to fish out my phone.

I stared at the screen for a few moments before going through my contact list.

I have this huge grin on my face, thinking that my plan was funny and clever.

Once I came across the number, I quickly pressed on 'Call' and put the phone against my ear. It rang for a few seconds and I was already lulling myself to sleep. I was just about to hang up when a groggy voice caught my attention.

" _Hello?"_

I looked at the phone, all confused. My mind was already muddled by sleep, so I wasn't able to quickly process what I have just done.

" _Hello? Bella?"_

I put the phone against my ear, scrunching up my face.

"Hello?" I slurred, pressing the phone harder to my ear.

" _Bella, it's Edward. Are you alright?" the voice asked me, sounding more awake now._

Once I heard his name, I dropped the phone like a hot potato, feeling the nausea creeping up. I ran to my bathroom, and was able to make it in time before I purged out the contents of my stomach.

 _ **AN: unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading!**_


	14. Chapter 14

I spent the rest of the night hugging my toilet and vomiting the dinner I consumed with Angela. I was worn out, having been cursing myself internally and out loud.

My body was drenched in sweat and grime from the bar, my breath smelled like a cat died in it, and my mind was spinning rapidly.

I heaved dryly one more time before I wiped at my mouth. I'm drained and groggy, my stomach and throat hurt, and I know that this is just the beginning.

I only have myself, and maybe Angela, to blame.

I sat up straighter, reaching out my hand to the counter beside the toilet. I tried to reach for my mouthwash, groping for the contents on my counter, but instead, I had a hard object falling on my head.

"Oww," I muttered, watching as the hairbrush bounced off of my head before landing on the floor in front of me.

I groaned loudly before I evened out my shoulders, already feeling the kink in them, having an inkling that my nausea is gone. I rubbed my face a few more times, the exhaustion creeping in.

I squinted my eyes at the bright light, trying to determine if the sun has already risen. The thick curtains in my room were obscuring the outside world, so I do not have an idea if I've wasted the time for sleep on purging out the contents of my stomach.

I think I hear my phone ringing in the other room, but I just don't have the energy yet to get up and answer it. I leaned back on the toilet again, the ringing in my ears getting more pronounced by the second. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to chase away the impending headache.

The moment I opened my eyes, I knew that something was amiss.

My cheek is resting on the cold toilet, bearing an indent of the toilet seat. , I'm half sprawled out on my bathroom floor, my legs sore and my throat dry.

I slowly sat up, the pounding in my head nothing but a mere thought. I carefully straightened out my legs, the bones protesting at me. I tried to stifle my yawn, but it escaped anyway. I grimaced at my breath as it wafted through my nostrils, the scent reminiscent of my earlier vomiting.

I leisurely stood up, holding onto the counter to keep myself steady. I squinted my eyes at my reflection on the mirror.

 _I felt like shit, and apparently, I looked the part as well._

I tried to untangle the curls on my head, my fingers uselessly combing through my hair. I splashed my face with water, the cool liquid washing away the dried sweat off of my face. And I gurgled my mouth while I was at it, too.

Once I felt only slightly gross, I made my way to my bedroom.

The moment I stepped through the doorway, I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table.

 _3:25 p.m._

 _SHIT._

I quickly scrambled for my phone, turning the screen on to be greeted with eight missed calls and three text messages.

 _Three missed calls and two text messages were from Angela, all were sent this morning._

I held my breath, scrolling through my phone log.

 _Edward tried to call me five times since last night, the most recent was just this morning and he sent one text message, asking if I'm okay._

My heart battled with my mind, fighting over my desire to reply to his text.

I was startled when the phone began to vibrate and ring in my hands, the screen flashing that Angela was calling again.

"Hello?" I greeted, pressing the phone to my ear.

"Oh, thank God," Angela breathed. "You had me so worried when you didn't answer all of my calls!"

"I was sleeping," I muttered sheepishly, moving to sit on my bed.

"So, how are you feeling?" she asked. "I hope you're not too hungover."

"I just woke up, Ange." I said. "I'm so hungover that I woke up at three in the afternoon."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't think you'd be that drunk last night," she said, sounding contrite.

"It's fine," I replied, looking over to the window. I stood up, approaching the window to move the curtains aside.

The sky was bright and clear, the spring afternoon in full swing.

I took a deep sigh, watching the hustle of the city below. Angela kept on talking, but I can hardly keep up. My mind was too muddled, my thoughts fleeting from one to another.

"Ange," I said, interrupting her story. "I'm sorry, but I have to go,"

"Oh, yeah, sure," she acquiesced. "I'll see you on Monday, then?"

"Yeah," I said mindlessly. "Bye."

"Bye," Angela said before hanging up.

I placed my phone on the bedside table again before I climbed the bed, burrowing myself under my soft sheets.

 _I wonder why Edward called me last night. And not just once, but he tried to reach me five times._

I sighed, reaching for my phone again.

 _ **Hey, Edward. I'm sorry for calling last night. –B**_

I hit send and tossed the phone on the pillow beside my head.

I lay awake, my mind is filled with thoughts of Edward yet again.

 _I wonder how different my life would have been if I stayed back in Forks._

 _If I never pursued my career, would I end up hating Edward for holding me back? Would he hate me for it? I have always been skeptical about my decision to choose my career over my relationship with Edward._

 _I knew in the deepest abyss of my heart that I loved Edward wholeheartedly, unabashedly. He was my whole world, I loved him with everything I have to offer, but I wasn't really confident with myself._

 _I've always thought that I had to prove myself, for his love, for his family's approval, for me to be accepted into his world wholly._

 _I had the notion that what I had to give was nothing compared to what he offered. My family was lowly compared to his family's legacy of doctors. Although his parents were very kind and accepting, his grandparents were a whole lot different. Especially his grandmother._

 _I remember when I first met Elizabeth Masen-Cullen. It was the summer before we entered senior year. Edward and I have been dating for almost a year then, I have already met his parents and his brother and they were delighted for us._

 _His grandparents were visiting for the summer, and Edward invited me over for dinner to meet his grandparents. His grandfather, Edward Sr., was nice enough, he was polite yet reserved. On the other hand, Elizabeth Masen- Cullen sniffed in my direction, with her head raised so high I couldn't see the top of her hair._

 _She said that I was too much of a small- town girl, too naïve. I didn't take her words to heart, but as I lie awake at night, her words would nag at me, even until now._

 _From then on, I strived to be better, not just for Edward and his snippy grandmother, but for myself too. I learned to broaden my horizons, expand my dreams, and not just settle for what is available._

 _I think I never got to say this to Edward. Maybe if I had, he would have understood why I wanted to take this path in my career. Or maybe not._

 _Regardless, I think it's too late now. Too late for explanations, too late to understand._

 _I was too late._

My phone pinged from beside my head, indicating that a new message has been received. I rubbed my eyes, blindly reaching for my phone. I held the device, and my breath, my heart thumping in my chest as I open the text message.

 _ **It's fine. Had me worried though. I hope you're ok, Bella. –E**_

I clenched my eyes shut, my breath stuttering. I willed myself not to cry.

This might seem insignificant to others, but this is the most affection I got from him in the three years since I've fled from Forks.

I didn't know how much I've been missing him until I saw him again at Emmett and Rosie's wedding, regardless of the circumstances we found ourselves in.

He was my best friend above all, and I lost him because I wanted to be better for him. _How ironic my life has turned out._

 _And I didn't know if we have found each other again, or are we just merely saying goodbye?_

 _I never wanted to say goodbye, now or ever. But it seemed like we have already reached an impasse._

 _He's getting married._

 _I'm still getting over him._

 _I just don't know how I can still be a part of his life, not when I know that he's about to build a life with somebody else._

My heart aches.

My fingers were shaking as I press on the phone's screen.

 _I hope I didn't mess up the number._

I pressed the phone to my ear, my breathing heavy.

I waited with my heart pounding in my chest as I listened and waited to the ringing on the line.

 _ **AN: Thank you for reading!**_


	15. Chapter 15

" _Hello?"_

I almost dropped the phone when I heard the voice on the other line. My breath stuttered, my heart plummeting to my stomach.

" _Hello? Who's this?" the voice asked again. This time, the irritation was apparent in the speaker's tone._

I cleared my throat softly, trying to find my bearings.

"Hi, this is Bella. Is… uhm…?" I stuttered. "Is Edward around?"

"No, he's taking a shower, _Bella_." The voice said, my name uttered as if _it_ is such a disdain to say.

"Oh, okay," I said hurriedly, wanting to end this conversation already.

"I'll tell him you called," the voice told me. "And this is Irina, by the way." She finished, her tone was clearly trying to make a point.

 _As if I'd ever forget this woman._

 _His fiancée._

I nodded my head dumbly, forgetting that _Irina_ can't see me.

"Yeah, thanks. Bye, Irina," I whispered, my finger already hovering over the 'End Call' icon on the screen.

I could hear that she's already hung up on me, so I simply put my phone down, and stared at the ceiling.

 _Just when I had the courage to tell Edward, reality comes crashing down on me._

 _Hearing Irina, knowing that she's with him right now, is like a cold bucket to my heart._

Although, I do wonder why she sounded so off with me.

 _What did Edward tell her when he came back to Forks?_

For days, I waited for Edward to call me back. Maybe I'm being naïve, but I trusted Irina to tell Edward that I called him. _But he never did._

And then the days turned to weeks.

The weeks blurring into months.

Then, one morning I woke up and it has exactly been five months and a day since that phone conversation with Irina.

In the months that have passed, I lived my life as much as I could. My career has been flourishing since I put all my focus and effort on it. My friendship with Angela and Ben blossomed, and I now consider them my best friends.

Paul and I even went out for a few dates. I know that I told him that I couldn't date him before, but after a few platonic outings, I've decided to give him a chance.

He was a breath of fresh air, free from all things that would remind me of Edward.

At first, it was exciting and exhilarating. It was a brand new experience, getting to know another person's quirks, habits, and his character. Paul was a nice guy, although a bit cocky at times.

We get along well, he's funny and charming. He makes me laugh all the time, always making me forget the things that hurt.

The first time we kissed, I didn't get the feeling of warm butterflies in my stomach. It wasn't _the great_ _first kiss_ , but it wasn't bad either. The attraction was there, but I think he likes me more than I can reciprocate.

Things ended amicably between us. No tears or angry words, just defeat that I couldn't get my heart in it.

I told him that I was sorry for wasting his time. He said it was fine, saying that at least he got the chance to show me what he has to offer, rather than being shut down immediately.

He said this with a cheeky smile, so I know that he'll be fine. Maybe not now, but someday. He and I both knew that we weren't meant for each other then.

I tried to put all my thoughts about Edward in the back of my mind by keeping myself busy.

I made friends at work.

I went out with Angela and Ben on a weekly basis.

I tried to pick up new hobbies, resulting in me being able to make my own garden pots.

I even rekindled the friendships I've left behind in Forks, Rosie included.

I started going to the gym, something I've withheld for so long.

My days and nights were occupied by the new additions to my life.

But as I come home to my empty apartment, reality would come crashing down.

I've filled all the voids in my life, except for one.

At night, as I lie awake alone, when the new introductions in my life has taken their fill of the day, I'm left to ponder on the thoughts I've shoved to the recess of my mind.

Most were always drifting back to Edward.

I no longer shed tears for him, I've already come to terms with the fact that he's going to marry someone else.

Although there is still a slight pang in my chest whenever I think of it. I don't think it'll go away. I know that there will always be a part of me that will long for him.

But I've accepted that we have made our decisions. Edward not calling me all those months ago was an indicator that we can't have each other in our lives, not when there was somebody else.

And there is someone else.

There's an Irina in his life.

Rosie and I never talk about Edward, so I don't know if he's already married or not. But I figured, it's been five months since I've learned of their engagement so there is a greater possibility that he's a married man now.

I admit that it hurts, it hurts deeply but I cannot do anything about it. I no longer have the right, I haven't had the right for years now.

And even if it hurts my heart, I hope that Edward is happy. Genuinely happy, even if it's not with me.

I've wanted nothing but happiness for him, regardless of the then and the now.

And day by day, I've started to find the will to contentment again. It may take months, or years, but it's the least I could do for myself after all the sadness my heart went through.

I may not be ready to take a chance at love again, but at least my heart is no longer battered and bruised immensely.

"Hey, Bella," Angela called, grinning from my office's doorway.

"Hey, Ange," I said distractedly, my eyes trained on the manuscript I was editing.

"I'll see you later, right?" she asked.

I looked up at her and smiled, nodding my consent.

"I invited Paul, too," she trailed off, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, but Ben asked him to join us and I don't want to be rude-"

"Ange," I said, stopping her rambling. "It's fine," I assured her.

"Are you sure?" Angela asked, her brow furrowing. "Because I can tell Ben to cancel on him,"

"No, don't do that." I said, smiling warmly at her. "It's really fine. Paul and I are okay, so don't worry about it."

"If you say so," she said, her voice still unsure.

I stood up from my desk and walked over to Angela. She was standing stiffly by the door, her posture indicating unease.

I patted her shoulder gently, trying to show that it's not a problem to me if they wanted to include Paul.

He and I remained friends, although we were awkward at first. But we were able to move past our issues and have formed a friendly bond between us.

We both knew that us dating was just a phase, it did not leave us with marks or scars. It was merely an experience that we were both willing to take at the time.

I said this to Angela, as I tried to eradicate her unease. After a while, she seemed to relax, and said her goodbyes as she went on to her merry way.

I walked over the window and looked out at the New York skyline. November in New York was such a beautiful sight.

The Christmas decorations were beginning to fill the city, and it made me feel a small pang of nostalgia.

I used to spend the holidays with my parents when I was younger. Even though they have separated, they made it a point that I have to at least be with them during Christmas, but as I got older, the visits became less and less until it was almost nonexistent.

My mother was too busy with her life in Arizona, and I don't blame her at all. She's one of those people who loved to live in the present, and not get caught up with the past. We talk occasionally on the phone, but we were just too busy with our own lives as of late. It would be awkward to go down to Arizona and spend the holidays with her new husband.

On the other hand, my dad is not one for flying. He hates planes, and has this irrational hatred for airports. So Charlie visiting me for the holidays is scratched from the list.

 _But maybe_ _ **I**_ _could visit him…_

I shook my head slightly, already knowing that I am not prepared to go back to Forks yet.

 _Maybe someday._

The day passed by in a blur, and before I know it, I'm already dressing up for my night out with Angela. After making sure that I have everything I might need in my purse, I called the taxi company and waited for my ride downstairs.

As the taxi idled to a stop in front of the restaurant, I looked out the window and saw that tonight is a busy night for the restaurant.

There was a waiting line outside, and the interior was full to the brim. After paying for my fare, I went carefully stepped out of the cab, minding the light snow.

I made it inside without any accidents and immediately started looking for Angela. I was able to locate them after a few seconds, and saw that they were already seated.

I took a relieved sigh, I did not want to wait with the crowd, and made my way over to them.

Angela greeted me with a worried smile and a tentative hug. Ben also stood up and kissed my cheek.

Lastly, I turned my attention to Paul, who was smiling slightly at me.

"Hey," I murmured, nodding my head at him.

"Hello, Bella." He said, smiling just as genuinely.

I took a seat across from him, while Angela settled beside me.

We placed our orders and talked quietly with each other. We caught up with what's happening with our lives before our meal arrived. There was no awkwardness between Paul and I, and I think Angela sensed it too because she was able to relax and join happily in our conversation.

Our laughter was interrupted by our meals arriving. We inaudibly immersed ourselves with the food that was served.

I was in the middle of my first serving when there was an insistent buzzing on my leg.

Frowning, I took out my phone and see that an unknown number was calling me.

Curious, I excused myself from the table and went to the ladies' room.

I pressed 'Accept' and pressed the phone to my ear.

My breath stilted when I heard the voice on the other line.

" _Hello? Is this Bella Swan?"_

 _ **AN: Thank you for reading!**_ __


	16. Chapter 16

I watched as the droplets of rain splattered across the bus's glass window, the raining backdrop providing a calming effect on my thundering heart.

Three days ago, I received a phone call from Wright's informing me that my Grandma Marie's health was declining alarmingly. Upon hearing the words, I almost dropped everything to fly down to Port Angeles.

We were not close while I was growing up, mostly because she and Renee have never resolved their issues back when my mom was a teenager.

Marie Higginbotham was a strict, unyielding, conservative Catholic woman who commanded a stern household. She raised my mom with an ironclad fist, something that even a teenaged Renee was already too stubborn for.

My mother was harebrained even then. She was a free spirit, wanting to explore the wonders of the world at such a young age. Renee and her mother would often clash with each other, their personalities as different as night and day.

But as my mom said, it all came crashing down the day she started dating Charlie. My grandmother was an old-fashioned woman who thinks that adolescent girls should either stay at home, or build a career. She was against Renee dating, saying that such a thing should come later in life.

So, imagine the wrath of Marie Higginbotham when her only daughter was married straight out of high school to a farmer's son.

Grandma Marie immediately disowned my mom, forbidding Renee to ever step a foot in her household ever again. My mom saw this as an opportunity to break away from her mother's clutches, so she obeyed her orders and never saw her mother again for almost ten years.

I met Grandma Marie when I was almost twelve years old. She reached out to my mom, saying that she wanted to meet her only granddaughter before she succumbed to her illness. Her health was already dwindling even then, she was already developing through the early stages of Alzheimer's.

The first time I saw my grandmother, I remember how scared I was of her. She wore her hair in a tight bun behind her head, her eyeglasses perched on the tip of her distinct nose. Her clothes were conservative and classy at the same time. She sat still on a high- backed chair, watching us approach with a penetrating gaze. She looked a lot like my mom, if Renee had been stern and unyielding.

She acts with such grace even then, regardless of her illness. I remember being afraid to move too much in my seat, because I felt like she watches every move I made like a hawk. She never smiled as we approached her, her face remaining stoic; emotionless.

 _I was clutching my mother's hand so tight that it briefly passed through my mind that maybe I was hurting her. But instead, mom just squeezed my hand back, encouraging me to go forward and meet my grandmother._

 _We sat in silence for a long time, Renee and her mom were just staring at each other, their gazes holding so much, yet neither were saying anything. I sat quietly as I could, pouring my attention to the utensils placed in front of me._

 _"Isabella," my grandmother said, her voice sounding scratchy from the lack of use._

 _I looked up at her sharply, my heart pounding in my chest._

 _"How old are you, my dear?" she asked, her gaze solely focused on me._

 _I can see my mom move from the corner of my eye, but I didn't dare to stray away from the woman in front of me._

 _"I'll be twelve this September, grandma." I mumbled, my voice weak._

 _She nodded at me, as if choosing her words before speaking out loud._

 _"Well, I heard that this is your first time in Seattle, how are you liking it so far?" she asked, a hint of a smile on her lips._

 _I grinned timidly at her, then proceeded to tell her that I liked Seattle, since it is almost the same as Forks, with constant rain and the gloomy weather._

My grandmother doted on me in her own way, so it was really sad for me to see her suffering. I saw her just yesterday, and she was not able to recognize me. She thought I was Renee, and I did not have the heart to tell her that I'm not.

I talked to her doctor, and we have come to the conclusion that we should transfer her to Arizona, so that Renee would be able to take care of her. It breaks my heart, but I'm not financially capable of flying down to Port Angeles every so often. And besides, my mom agreed to this, saying that it is time to bury the hurt and care for her mother in return.

I looked out the window again, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the welcome sign of Forks.

I've decided to make the trip down to Forks and visit my dad. It's been two years since I last saw him, he flew to New York a year after I moved. I spent time with him then, but it wasn't enough since I was busy at work back then.

This time, I've decided to stay for a week. I've already talked to my boss about it, and he was agreeable. He actually said that I needed a break, since apparently, I was working _too hard_.

The bus was slowing down to a stop, the other passengers around me were already gathering their bags and preparing for departure. I remained seated, trying to calm down my thoughts.

I planned to stay at Charlie's, spend time with him, cook him meals, and scope out my old bedroom. Maybe I'd even take some things with me to New York.

Maybe I'd even hang out with Rosie, meet up for coffee and ask her how married life has been treating her. I'd ask about Alice and Jasper, how they're doing, ask if they would be willing to hear my side or they're content with how things were with us.

And I would try my hardest to not ask about Edward.

I don't want to know if he's happily married, if he wanted to start a family right away. I don't want to know that married life is treating him fairly well. I don't want to know how the wedding went, how happy Esme and Carlisle was on that day, how vibrant the bride looked.

I didn't want to know that he went through with this wedding. How he went on for months without talking to me, despite telling me that he wants me to be a part of his life. I didn't want to hope, that someday, we would be able to talk freely, just the like the old times.

 _Because this isn't like the old times._

 _This is the now, and it sucks._

I stood up from my seat, my bags in my hands. I slowly descended the bus, mindful of the wet pavement.

 _Of course it's already raining,_ I thought.

 _Forks wouldn't be Forks if it isn't raining._

I planned to catch a cab from the bus station to Charlie's rather than to walk in the rain. I had a week's worth of baggage with me, so taking any form of public transformation is out.

I sat at the taxi bay, my bags at my feet, as I wait for my cab to arrive. I looked around, soaking up Forks as much as I could. I saw a few familiar faces, but none I was friendly enough with to have a small talk.

Seeing the greenery around me reminded me so much of my childhood. I remember the hikes I used to go to with my dad. All the picnics we've had whenever the weather was nice, how I used to play with Alice and the other kids in the forest.

And when I was a teenager, I can vaguely recall how I used to spread out a blanket in front of our lawn, a book in hand. Then, I wanted to soak up the sun's warmth as much as possible while I read my favorite classics.

I remember how Edward and I used to take walks in the forest's paths when were in high school. How we used to just sit on the fallen trees and talk for hours about nothing and everything. The forest behind Charlie's house holds so much memories for me.

That forest saw me as a child, and was a witness to every scratch and scar I got while running through the trees. And as a teenager, that forest was where I first realized that I was in love with Edward.

My thoughts were interrupted when the cab stopped in front of me. Its driver was smiling widely, another familiar face. I lugged my bags to the trunk, the driver helping me load them. Once I was sure I had everything stacked away, I went and sat the back. The driver promptly followed me and started the engine.

I gave him Charlie's address and in return, he sent a wide smile in my direction.

"You're Chief Swan's daughter, right?" he asked, looking at me through the rearview mirror.

"Yes," I said, smiling at him.

"Isabella, right?" he clarified, as he drove the cab past Forks High School.

We passed by Forks Police Department Tower and I looked out the window, trying to see if my dad's police cruiser was parked there. It wasn't, so I assumed that he's at home.

The traffic was light, given that the population in this town barely reached four thousand. Soon, we were already cruising through Calawah Way, where my childhood home is located.

I released a huge sigh, mentally preparing myself as the cab slowly closed to a stop in front of the place I consider _home_.

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	17. Chapter 17

I was already grinning widely even before the front door opened.

I was standing on our porch, my bags clutched tightly in my hands as I wait for my dad to open the door. I could hear the muffled sounds of the television coming from the living room, so I know that he's home.

I dropped the other bag I was holding and proceeded to knock again, this time, hearing my dad grumbling something before I see his shadow moving across the room.

I waited with bated breath, my heart almost jumping out of my chest at the thought of surprising Charlie. He didn't know that I was coming home, and I really hope that he'd be happy that I'm here.

The door slowly opened, revealing a dressed down Charlie still looking at the direction of the living room.

 _No doubt still watching whatever game that was on._

"Hi, dad," I said, my voice sounding excited.

His head comically snapped to my direction, his eyes widening at the sight of me in front of him.

A huge grin spread across his face before he almost flung himself in my direction. I almost lost my balance but I quickly held onto him, clutching at his back as my dad hugged me to his chest.

"Bella," he breathed to my hair, his arms getting tighter around me.

I hugged him back, my emotions unchecked as I felt a few tears falling.

He slowly loosened his hold before holding me at arm's length, examining my face.

"You're here," he whispered mostly to himself, "you're really here."

"Hi, dad," I said, my voice croaking.

"Why are you crying, Bells?" he asked, his brow furrowing at my tears.

"Oh, I just missed you so much," I said, hugging him again.

"I missed you too, baby," he whispered, his voice sounding so gentle it tugged at my heart.

After a few more seconds, we released each other and dad proceeded to get the bags from me. We passed through the front door, with me following behind him. I looked around at the hallway, seeing that nothing much has changed, if anything changed at all.

I knew that Charlie likes to stick to his routine. He's been the same in the last decade or so, so it wasn't such a surprise that the house looked the same way it did twenty years ago.

I know that he wakes up at exactly 6 o'clock in the morning regardless of his shift, or whether it's his off day or not. And he takes his shower within the first ten minutes after he rose from the bed. He eats his breakfast after dressing up, and it's always toast and jelly, no matter how many variations you give him.

After breakfast, he drives to the station, and on Mondays and Wednesdays he likes to stop by the café around the corner to get a cup of freshly brewed coffee while he reads his newspaper. Once he gets to the station, you can't bother him anymore unless it's an emergency.

I've lived with Charlie my whole life, until New York happened. It was expected that I was to inherit his preference for a routine, and I did. Before I left for college, I used to wake up at the same time every day, whether I have classes or not. I used to pattern my breakfast choices within three options. I was Miss Goody Two- Shoes in high school, a pushover.

When Edward and I got together, I was able to spread my wings a little farther, but never to the extent. I still followed my routine, but I learned to adjust for Edward. I was able to explore a little in college, bit still.

They still expected that I would settle for a life in Forks. No one had ever thought that I'd venture out on my own. In New York, no less.

I knew that Charlie was also hurt when I've decided to take the job in New York. He didn't say it to me, but I saw it in the way his eyes teared up when I left. I was his only family, so it was only natural for him to find it hard to let me go.

And I know, that I owed him this visit, and so much more.

It's just been a day since I arrived in Forks, but I've already ran out of things to do.

I've already cleaned the house, done the laundry, ate my weight in fish, cleared out the storage room, and all other mundane things that I can do inside the house. I've neglected going to the grocery since it's raining, but it's number one on my list to do as soon as the sun shows itself.

I'm currently lying in my old twin-sized bed, staring mindlessly at the glow in the dark stickers I put up there in high school. I'm bored as the rain pelted against the roof.

My dad has gone to La Push to fish with Billy Black. He invited me to come, saying that the people on the reservation would love to see me, but I declined, stating that I was tired from the chores I did.

As I look at the stars on my ceiling, a memory flashed through my mind.

 _It's the first time Edward and I had the house to ourselves since we got together. Charlie was working overtime again, something about a case that's urgent. I actually didn't mind, knowing that I have Edward to keep me company._

 _Charlie doesn't know that I have Edward over, and it's making me a little nervous. I know that Edward wouldn't try anything, but I'm afraid of my dad's reaction once he learned that I was alone with a boy during the night._

 _Edward and I were lying beside each other, our legs hanging off of the edge since we were perpendicular to the bed. He had his right arm under my neck, his other hand holding my hand to his chest._

 _My stomach was full of butterflies, I excited and nervous at the same time._

 _We haven't done anything else but kiss, so I was slightly afraid that Edward was expecting more since we were alone._

 _I looked hesitantly at his face, shocked to see that he was already looking at me with this gentle look. I swallowed the lump in my throat, breathing heavily as Edward lifted his head and moved closer to me._

 _His lips were an inch away from mine, and all thoughts halted as they touched my lips for a brief, sweet kiss._

 _He kissed me again, twice, thrice, before moving back to his previous position._

 _I breathed out the air I was holding, my mind going dizzy with the lack of oxygen._

 _He smiled sweetly at me, the skin around his eyes crinkling. I smiled back and tried to push my nerves away._

 _Once I was calm enough, I sat up quickly, then turned to straddle Edward. He put his hands on my hips to steady me, all the while grinning wildly._

 _I took a deep breath before leaning down to press my lips on his. He breathed out a small breath and I took that as a sign to take his lower lip between my teeth._

 _I could feel his hands getting tighter on my hips, so I scooted farther up his lap. Edward groaned below me, and I loved the sound so I moved a little more, liking the feel of him._

 _I wasn't aware of it, but apparently I was moving my hips against his, my body desperate for friction. As our tongues fought for dominance, our hips were also moving in sync, both racing towards completion. I could hear myself moaning and whimpering lowly, my heart rate picking up wildly that it felt like it was trying to thump its way out of my chest._

 _My hands were moving all over Edward's chest and finally rested on his lower abdomen. I could feel the skin on my palms, his flesh hard and sculpted beneath me._

 _I tugged on his shirt, wanting to take it off when Edward suddenly stopped my movements. He gently retreated his lips from mine, his hands moving to my waist._

 _I leaned back slightly, looking at him in confusion._

 _Didn't he want this?_

 _I furrowed my brow at him, and as I saw the resolution on his face, my heart deflated._

 _Edward didn't want me_ _ **that**_ _way._

 _I scrambled off of his lap hurriedly, trying to keep my dignity as much as possible. I failed as I stumbled off of him and fell to the floor, hitting my head in the process._

 _"Oww," I winced, feeling my head for bumps._

 _"Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked from above me, his face peeking from the bed._

 _"Yeah," I said mulishly, rubbing my head as subtle as possible._

 _No bumps. That's good._

 _Edward sat up, then held his hand out to me. I ignored it, supporting myself instead as I stand up. I stumbled a little, still dizzy from my fall._

 _Edward immediately wound his arm around my waist and brought me to his chest. I tried to look away from him, embarrassed at my failed seduction._

 _I was looking at my desk, trying to discern the books scattered above it when Edward cleared his throat. I refused to look in his direction, afraid that I might cry if I see his rejection._

 _"Bella," he said gently, nudging my arm with his._

 _I looked out the window, acting as if I was alone._

 _"Bella," he tried again, this time putting his hand under my chin and tilting up my face to his._

 _I looked worriedly at his eyes, my own tearing up already at the corners._

 _"What was that earlier?" he asked softly._

 _"I'm sorry," I said, as the tears burst out helplessly._

 _"What are you sorry for?" he asked, hugging me tighter to his chest._

 _I sniffled loudly, shaking my head as a way to answer his question._

 _"Bella," he whispered, "please don't cry."_

 _"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, "I'm sorry, I thought you'd like it if we- and then you didn't!" I said, my voice muffled by his chest._

 _"What?" he asked, his voice colored by confusion. "Baby, what are you saying?"_

 _"I thought you wanted sex. And since we're alone, I thought we might-"I trailed off, too embarrassed to finish my sentence._

 _"Of course I want you," he whispered lowly, "but I won't pressure you to have sex with me."_

 _"You're not pressuring me. I want it too." I said stubbornly, finally looking at him as I say this._

 _"Bella," he sighed, "please think about this first, okay? I don't want you to regret it."_

 _But I know that I won't regret it. As long as it's with Edward, I know that I won't ever regret having my first time with him._

 _I nodded mutely at him instead, leaning my head back to his chest._

 _I felt his lips on my forehead as he kissed me lightly._

 _"I love you, Bella," he said, his voice brimming with reverence so much so that it brought tears to my eyes._

 _"I love you too," I said, a smile tugging on my lips._

 _I closed my eyes and hummed in contentment. I have never felt this happy before, and I know that this is just the beginning._

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	18. Chapter 18

Finally, the sun has shown itself in the dreary Forks sky.

It has been constantly raining since I've arrived here, and I thought that it would continue to do so until I left. So it really was a good thing that the rain has somewhat abated.

I was already feeling sick from eating fish for two straight days, and Charlie has nothing but it in his fridge. I've contemplated going to the grocery store despite the rain, but the gods must have felt pity for me and calmed down the downpour, saving me from another dinner meal made out of sea creatures.

As soon as I noticed that the rain had temporarily stopped, I quickly donned my boots and jacket. I grabbed my purse and checked if I have everything I might need before heading out.

As I stepped out to the porch, I was faced with the dilemma with regards to transportation. I don't have a car, and Charlie is at work. Taking a cab is ostentatious, given that I was in a small town.

I could walk, but I don't want to. It was a forty-minute walk, and I really don't want to risk the rain pouring again.

"Fuck," I grumbled under my breath, turning to head back inside when something caught my eye.

I slowly approached the shed on the right side of the house, eying the piece of metal warily.

I know that I'm not the most coordinated person to ever walk the surface of the earth, but I'm pretty sure that I can ride a bicycle.

 _Okay, maybe it's been years since I've ridden one, but it's like driving, isn't it?_

Without another thought, I hefted the bicycle from its resting place, checking it over to see if there was damage or whatnot. After I have deemed it safe, I lifted my butt onto the seat, and said a silent prayer to the coordination god.

 _Please, don't let me fall to my death as I ride this bicycle._

After rearranging the strap of my purse on my neck, I carefully lifted one foot on the pedal, kicking the other to the ground.

I wobbled a couple of times, but somehow, _miraculously_ , I was able to make it to Thriftway without any scratches. And it only took me twenty minutes or so.

I secured the bicycle to the rack, wanting to finish grocery shopping quickly before the rain poured again.

Once I got inside, I quickly grabbed a shopping cart and took out my list. I headed straight to the produce section, intending to buy some meat for dinner.

I swiftly went through my list, opting to shop for the basics first, thinking that I can just come back again once I have a reliable vehicle.

With my shopping cart full, I was just about to round the aisle and head to the cashier when I heard my name being called.

"Bella?" I halted at the mention of my name, my hand hovering over the shopping cart in front of me.

 _I'd know that voice anywhere._

Its owner and I may not have spoken in years, but I'd know that voice.

I turned slowly, trying to school my features into a calm façade when I'm slightly panicking inside.

"Alice?" I said, not being able to help it as my eyes widened as I took her in.

"Hi," Alice breathed out, looking as apprehensive as I was.

"Hey," I replied, feeling awkward as we stood in the cereal aisle of Thriftway.

"I didn't know you were home," she said, slowly moving towards me, her hands extended as if she was coming for a hug.

I stepped closer to her too, leaving my shopping cart behind me.

Alice and I briefly hugged each other, and it was rather awkward. We haven't spoken in the three years since I've left for New York.

She strongly disagreed with me when I talked to her about moving, and leaving Edward behind. I understand her, but it still hurt like hell when she said that she won't talk to me until I've figured out my _shit_.

Of course I saw her at Rosalie and Emmett's wedding, but we didn't talk then. Hell, I hardly talked to anyone.

And I highly doubt that she'd approach me there.

 _And now we're here, locked in an awkward embrace in the middle of a grocery store._

I cleared my throat, trying to find words in my muddled brain.

"I, uh," I started, "I'm visiting Charlie for the week."

"Oh, that's good," she muttered looking away.

I looked at her, like _really_ looked at her, and saw that she was sporting a tiny baby bump.

"You're pregnant?!" I exclaimed, my face reddening immediately at my outburst.

"Yeah, I am." Alice smiled sheepishly, all the while gently caressing her stomach.

I stared for a bit too long, my eyes fascinated with the baby growing inside of her.

Alice cleared her throat as she tried to get my attention. My eyes snapped to hers, an embarrassed smile dancing on my lips.

"Bella," she started, and I took a gulp of air, already feeling nervous with her tone. "Are you free today?"

I nodded dumbly, too shocked to answer her properly.

"We need to talk, Bella. I have so many things to say, and I'm pretty sure that the Thriftway isn't the right place for it," Alice said as she chuckled nervously.

I looked around us, and turned to Alice again.

"Yeah, sure," I said distractedly.

"Are you done?" she asked, her eyes going to the shopping cart in front of me.  
"Yes," I answered, looking at her again.

"Well, let's go." Alice said, tilting her head to the cashier.

I silently followed her, my mind coming up with things I want to say to Alice.

 _I wanted to tell her that I hate her. That she also broke my heart when she told me that we can't be friends anymore._

 _I wanted to tell her that I have better friends now._

 _Better than her._

 _Better than them._

 _I wanted to say that I'm happy with my life, with or without them._

 _That I've accomplished things without their support._

 _That I am better off without them._

 _But I won't say any of this, because none of it was true._

 _I don't hate her. I don't hate them._

 _We grew up together, and maybe we have grown apart, but nothing could have broken the teenage bond we have created._

 _She was my best friend. She was there when my mom left us to be with another guy._

 _She was there when my grandmother was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Alice was there when I first fell in love with Edward._

 _She was there for a shoulder to cry on when Edward and I had our first fight._

 _Regardless of all the years that have passed us, Alice was my friend._

After checking out, Alice insisted that she would carry my bags in her trunk as I pedaled my way to the coffee shop across Forks High School.

We have decided to meet there instead of driving together. I didn't want to leave my bicycle and I also refused to load it onto her car, afraid that I might mess up the interior or something.

I happily made my way to Forks Coffee Shop, not minding the gloomy skies looming overhead.

Once I got there, I swiftly parked my bike, seeing that Alice was already seated and waiting for me.

I was greeted by a few friendly faces as I made my way in, some were all too happy to see me again.

I approached Alice with a small smile, feeling slightly less nervous as she smiled back at me.

Once I was seated, we quietly placed our orders and sat in complete silence.

I can see from the look on Alice's face that she was nervous too.

I looked away, not wanting to overwhelm her with my gaze. After a few more moments, Alice shifted in her seat and I turned to her, waiting for her to start with whatever she has to say.

"Bella, I'm sorry," she started. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done. I didn't know what I was thinking back then. I'm sorry that I turned away from you, you were my best friend but I easily cast you aside when I heard that you were leaving us. I was stupid, I know that now. I should have listened to you, but instead I threw away our friendship like it was nothing. I'm so, _so_ sorry, Bella," Alice said in a breath, her word vomit rendering me speechless.

I shook my head slightly, clearing my thoughts as I organize my words. I opened my mouth a few times, but no sound would come out.

"I..." I trailed off. "You hurt me deeply, Alice," I said, my voice hoarse.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, tears threatening to fall.

"You knew how much I valued our friendship, yet you easily said that we couldn't be friends anymore if I left," I said, feeling the anger rise.

"And you knew how much I wanted that opportunity! It was so unfair of you to make me choose like that," I huffed out.

Alice remained silent, her gaze unfocused as I continued my tirade.

"And I get that you'd take Edward's side because he's your cousin, but you should have at least listened to me." I continued, "Edward's not the only one I lost that day, I also lost my best friend."

At that, Alice cried silently. I watched her with an unmoving gaze, willing to stick to my resolve that I won't cry.

Alice sniffled gently, collecting her wits before speaking.

"You should know that I only acted that way because I saw how your decision affected Edward," she said gently. "He drank for days, almost into unconsciousness. I couldn't let him do that to himself."

I was dumbfounded with this; I didn't know that Edward drank himself into a stupor.

"I thought that cutting you out of our lives would be for the best," Alice confessed quietly. "I'm sorry, Bella. I was so stupid for thinking that."

I nodded mutely, too shocked for words.

"I know now that I can't, because how can I do that when our lives were intertwined with one another's? Yours, mine, and Edward's. How can I be the judge of that?" Alice said, her cried muffling the words.

I stood up silently from my seat and made my way to Alice's side.

I hugged her gently, losing my battle as the tears fall from my eyes.

We may have not come to an understanding yet, but at least now I can begin to forgive.

 ** _AN: Thank you so much for reading!_**


	19. Chapter 19

After drying up our tears, Alice and I have decided to stay for a while and catch up.

I learned that she was four months pregnant, and is hoping for a girl this time. I asked her about her married life, how's Peter doing, how her two-year-old Alistair is doing.

Alice said that Peter was still the same stubborn man I met almost five years ago. I can see the wistful look in her eyes, as if she's yearning for something else. To dissipate the sadness that has consumed her, I asked about her Alistair and the child she's carrying. Alice's eyes lit up, and I saw how much she loved her children.

 _I felt a small pang of jealousy over it._

In all my life, I've always known that I wanted children. But that doesn't seem likely, especially right now.

I shook my head slightly, and focused on what Alice was saying instead.

As she regaled me with tales, I noticed that I was able to laugh more freely. I felt comfortable around her despite the years that has kept us apart. I knew that losing my friendship has taken its toll on me, but I was never able to tell just how much.

 _And now I know just how much of myself I have lost._

We talked for hours, with Alice telling me about how her life has been, and in turn, I told her about mine. Time passed us by, and with a glance to my watch, I took note of how late it has gotten.

"It's getting late," I said, my eyes still on my watch.

"Oh," Alice exclaimed, standing abruptly. "I'm sorry, I didn't notice how the time."

"It's fine," I said, smiling at Alice.

"Well, we better do this again." She replied, grinning widely at me.

'Definitely," I affirmed.

Armed with our purses, Alice and I walked out together. I accompanied her to her car, intending to say my goodbyes there.

We stood facing each other, smiles on our faces before we came up for a hug.

"I missed you, Bella." Alice whispered in my ear, her arms wound tight around me.

"I missed you too, Ali." I said, my voice wavering slightly.

Alice insisted to drive me to Charlie's house but I refused. Instead, I unloaded my bags from her trunk and secured them to my bicycle.

I watched as she drove away, a gentle smile still dancing on my lips. When I could no longer see her car, I loaded my bicycle and started to head home.

I've decided to take a detour along Mullins Lane, feeling slightly nostalgic. It's where the Cullens live, and I used to pass by it with every chance I get back in high school.

I don't know, but I think that my meeting with Alice made me feel the way I did back then.

 _I felt lighter._

I was so busy looking at the houses around me, reminiscing about the times I used to cruise by this road, that it almost escaped my notice that I was nearing the Cullen household. I slowed down my pedaling and just looked at the house in front of me.

It hasn't changed much in the last three years. The red brick with white trim Victorian house with the wrap- around veranda and attached gazebo looked meticulously cared for.

Edward and I used to just sit around in their lawn, reading or studying, as we soak up the rare sun in Forks. We used to just enjoy each other's company, regardless of what we're doing. We were so happy and I can't help but wonder if _I_ could ever feel that way again _._

I was so lost in my thoughts that I startled when I caught a flash of bronze coming out of the door. I quickly swerved, intending to avoid the rock on the road, but instead I lost my balance and fell to the ground.

The grocery bags were torn open, the contents spilled around me. The bicycle fell on me, too. I whimpered from the impact, feeling the ache on my ribs where the metal landed on me.

I raised my hands to my face, checking for injuries. I can see that they now bear scratches, and I winced when I saw some blood.

I tried to sit up, but my bicycle was still on top of me. I clenched my eyes shut, and took deep breaths.

I heard some shuffling moving towards me and I felt the pressure lifted from my chest.

"Bella?"

My eyes flew open as my name reached my ears.

Edward was kneeling above me, hovering. He has my bicycle behind him and has a concerned look on his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his brows furrowing further.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, starting to sit up again.

I tried to ignore the aching on my sides, but I think my face gave away my pain because Edward halted my movements.

"Stay still, Bella." He said, the order in his voice brimming under the surface.

 _No,_ I wanted to say, but the soreness on my ribs tells me otherwise.

"Let me just check your knee first, it's bleeding." Edward said, his hands steadying me around my shoulders.

I looked to my knees, and true enough, they were bleeding.

My jeans were torn open and bloodied, the skin beneath scraped and wounded.

I winced slightly as Edward applied some pressure, and I felt lightheaded as I saw some blood oozing out.

"Hold your breath, Bella. Don't faint on me now." Edward said, his voice sounding far away.

I tried, I really did, but I can feel the rusty smell wafting under my nostrils and I think I'm starting to get dizzy.

I saw Edward glance at my face, looking to see if I'm holding up. I tried to force in huge lungful breaths, but the pain on my knee makes me wince instead.

Edward looked at me again before placing his arms behind my shoulders and under my legs.

In one swift move, Edward has hefted me into his arms. I was startled with the movement, prompting me to place my left arm around his neck as I cradle my injured arm.

He started to walk briskly to the direction of his parents' house and I briefly panicked.

"Edward, my groceries…" I trailed off, looking on the ground, watching as my cans of soup roll around aimlessly.

"I'll get them later. I'll just patch you up first." He said, looking straight ahead.

I whimpered slightly, both from my wounds and from the inevitable entrance to the Cullen house.

 _I just hope his parents aren't home. Or Irina._

I cringed at the thought of her, and Edward must have noticed because he looked down at my face.

"It's okay, Bella," Edward said, his arms getting tighter under me.

I laid my head on his shoulder, and let his walking lull me.

Edward opened the front door with his right hand, holding me higher on his arms as he maneuvered us inside. I looked around and breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed that the house seemed to be empty.

Edward headed straight to the living room as he held me in his arms. He gently lowered me onto the couch, rubbing my arm gently before he went to retrieve his medical bag.

I looked around me again, and felt tears prick my eyes as I saw the interior of the house I never thought I'd step in again.

The white furniture still looked immaculate, and I briefly glanced down to my bloodied knee to make sure that I'm not ruining it. The décor was topnotch, but still homey.

The pictures on the walls display a happy family. I followed them with my eyes, smiling to myself as I saw how Esme and Carlisle aged with grace.

My eye caught a photo on the farthest left, and I felt my stomach erupt with butterflies as realization took in.

I hobbled on to the picture, my uninjured hand gripping the couch as I make my way.

I stood in front of it, my eyes tracing Edward's arms as it was wrapped around me.

It was our high school graduation picture.

Edward and I were both grinning from ear to ear, our arms around each other.

There was a glimmer in our eyes, we looked like a young couple in love.

 _And we were, so much._

I stood in the middle of the Cullens' living room when I heard a throat clearing behind me. I turned slowly, minding my wounded knee.

My eyes roamed all over Edward's face, but I cannot read the emotion. He was standing just behind the couch, his arms holding a black bag.

I started to hobble back to the couch and Edward quickly placed the bag on the coffee table before coming to my side.

He put his arm around my waist, gently supporting me as we neared the couch. He made me sit on the middle and he sat beside me before reaching for the bag again.

He pulled out a bottle of alcohol, some cotton, Band-Aids, and some gauze. I eyed the alcohol nervously, already feeling the sting.

Edward saw where I was looking and chuckled lightly.

"I have to clean your wound, Bella." He said quietly.

"I know," I replied, gulping down.

Edward gently raised my leg onto the couch, his hand avoiding to touch the wound.

"My shoes," I whispered, shaking my foot slightly to get my point across.

He gently eased my boot off before placing my foot on his leg. I bit my lip bashfully, feeling my face blush as Edward attended to my wound.

He dabbed some alcohol on a cotton ball before looking at my face. I nodded slightly and held my breath as he patted it onto my wound.

I winced loudly, the stinging sensation bringing tears to my eyes.

"Shh, Bella," Edward comforted, "this will only take a while."

He dabbed the alcohol- soaked cotton ball again, and I tried to hide my grimace this time.

I looked at him as he covered my wound with a band- aid, watching as the concentration on his face completely masked any other emotion.

After securing the wound with a gauze, Edward gently pried my hand away from my lap and examined the scratches. He cleaned it again before putting some gauze on the heel of my hand.

"All patched up," Edward said, smiling gently at me.

"Thanks," I murmured, a small smile blooming on my lips.

He gently eased off my foot from his lap and slowly stood up.

"I'll just go get your groceries. You stay here, okay?" he asked, looking at me intently before turning to head out.

I looked out the window and watched as he picked up my groceries in his arms. Edward quickly came back again and this time, he headed for the kitchen. I heard him rummaging around and when he reappeared on the doorway, he had my groceries in Eco bags.

He approached me again and placed the bags on the coffee table. Edward sat down beside me, and offered me a water bottle.

I took it from him gratefully, my throat suddenly feeling parched.

"I should go home," I said, preparing to stand.

"I'll take you home," Edward offered, standing too.

"No, it's fine. I've already taken too much of your time," I argued, gripping the couch to support myself.

"Nonsense, I'll drive you home." He insisted, all the while smiling at me.

I sighed dejectedly, seeing no point in arguing with Edward.

"Fine," I huffed. "Thank you, Edward. For everything." I added, feeling my face blush again.

"You're welcome," he said, holding his hand out to me.

My eyes automatically roamed over his hands, my heart stuttering at what I _didn't_ see.

 _Edward isn't married yet. Thank God._

 ** _AN: Thank you for all the reviews, follows, and favorites! See you on the next chapter!_**


	20. Chapter 20

I sat quietly on Edward's passenger seat, watching as he stowed away my grocery bags and my bicycle in the trunk.

He didn't let me pick up anything at all, insisting that he can handle all three bags and one piece of heavy metal by himself.

I quietly relented, not wanting to start an argument over whatever goes in the Volvo's trunk.

Edward gently assisted me to his Volvo, acting as if I was more wounded than I actually was. The thought of scoffing at him passed my mind, but my ache to feel him touch me won over.

After a few more seconds, he finally reemerged and took his seat on the driver's side.

The Volvo's engine quietly hummed to life as Edward adjusted his seatbelt.

I silently watched him, still feeling a little exhilarated at _not_ seeing a _ring_ on his finger.

 _But it doesn't mean that there isn't an Irina anymore, doesn't it?_

That train of thought swiftly sobered me up, and I can't help but feel a little irritation at Edward.

 _Why does it have to be like this?_

 _Why can't I just get over Edward like a normal person usually does after some time has passed?_

There was a scowl on my face, and I think Edward saw it before I turned to face the window.

"Hey," he said quietly, "what's wrong? Does your knee hurt?"

"No," I muttered petulantly, the frown deepening on my face.

"Come on, Bella. What's wrong?" he insisted, irritating me further.

"Nothing's wrong. Everything's just _fine_." I huffed out.

Edward remained silent, opting to start driving to Charlie's house. I felt a little embarrassed, snapping at him like that.

I turned straight ahead and looked at Edward from the corner of my eye.

 _Great job, Bella. Now he looks irritable too._

We drove around in silence, the minutes passing by uncomfortably. I wanted to apologize badly, but I think Edward wouldn't take it kindly.

We passed by houses in rapid succession, the scenery blurring with my thoughts. I still haven't figured out a way on how to apologize, and before I know it, Edward was already killing the engine before stepping out.

I blinked at his back stupidly, my mind literally blank. Edward went to my side of the car and opened my door. He offered me his hand and I watched with rapt attention as I grabbed it with my own. He gently pulled me out of my seat and assisted me to the front porch.

After making sure that I was stable on my feet, he went back and gathered my bags and bicycle. He replaced the bicycle on the shed and carried my bags to me.

We stood in silence, facing each other intently.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked him, my voice sounding husky from my silence.

"Yeah, sure," he said timidly.

I searched for my keys in my purse, stumbling a little as I tried to find my balance since my knee started to hurt.

Once I've unlocked the door, I tried to reach for a bag from Edward but he just shook his head at me and indicated that I go inside first.

I hobbled my way inside, putting down my purse along the way as Edward followed me silently. I lead Edward to the kitchen where he promptly placed the bags on the counter. I turned back to the living room and looked a=over my shoulder at Edward, who was starting to unload my groceries.

"Hey," I said, "I'll do that later."

"Are you sure?" he asked, his eyes going to my bandaged knee.

"Yes," I said defiantly, and started to head to the fridge. "Do you want something?"

"Yeah, whatever you'll have." Edward answered, sounding distracted. I looked over to where he was standing and saw that he was looking around Charlie's kitchen.

I grabbed two beer cans from the fridge and tossed one to Edward. He quirked his eyebrow at me before popping his beer open.

I quietly led him to the living room and sat on the couch facing the flat screen. Edward sat on the opposite side of the couch and turned to look at me.

I took a small sip from my can, waiting for Edward to start talking.

After a few moments of silence, Edward spoke.

"So, uhm, I forgot to ask, how's your grandma?"

My head whipped to his direction, my eyes probably widening comically.

"How did you know about that?" I breathed out, my brows furrowing at Edward.

"Oh, I ran into Charlie the other day, and he said that you're home." He explained, his ears turning red at tips.

"Charlie," I grumbled under my breath, "wait, so you knew that I was here the whole time?"

"Yes,"

 _Then why didn't you call me? Ever?_

 _Oh wait, Irina._

We sat in silence, the tension almost tangible between us. I kept on stealing glances at Edward, and he seemed to be doing the same.

"Look, Bella-"

"So how's Irina-"

We spoke at the same time, cutting each other's sentences midway.

"You first," Edward said, waiting for me to continue.

"How's Irina?" I asked meekly, refusing to look at Edward's face the whole time.

"Irina's… _Irina._ " He said quietly.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" I asked, my voice sounding higher.

In truth, I think my heart rate picked up.

Edward was silent for a few seconds before speaking again.

"She's pregnant."

" _What?!_ " I exclaimed as I unthinkingly stood, jerking my wounded knee in the process.

Edward looked up at me, and he must have seen the grimace on my face because he stood up too and gently coaxed me to sit again.

"No! Don't touch me!" I shouted, shaking off his hand on my arm.

"Bella, calm down. Let me explain," he said gently, putting up his hands as if I was a crazed person.

I stubbornly went to the chair opposite Edward and sat down, all the while crossing my arms over my chest and shot daggers at Edward.

"Jesus, Bella. Calm down," Edward sighed, sounding exasperated.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I counted to ten in my head as I willed myself to calm the hell down.

 _It shouldn't bother me this much that Irina's pregnant._

 _I mean, they're getting married after all…_

When I opened my eyes again, the first thing that came to sight was Edward looking at me intently.

 _I did act like a crazy person, and I had no right._

 _Edward isn't mine anymore. He can get anyone pregnant._

 _Regardless, they're getting married._

 _This shouldn't bother me. This shouldn't-_

"It's not mine," Edward said, his voice devoid of any emotion.

"What?" I asked, confusion coloring my tone.

"I said," he started, taking a deep breath before speaking again, "the baby's not mine."

"How?" I asked stupidly, my brows puckered into a frown.

Edward looked at me, like _really_ looked at me. His eyes roamed all over my face, as if he was searching for something.

His eyes settled on mine and held it for a few moments, the green in his swirling with trepidation and a small tinge of hopefulness.

"I broke it off with Irina after I came back from New York," Edward said, his voice firm and unyielding.

I think my jaw dropped, but I was too stunned to even check. My heart hammered and sputtered in my chest, the butterflies breaking into somersaults in my stomach. All the while, my gaze never wavered from Edward.

I must have stared for too long because he started to squirm a little on the couch, clearing his throat softly to break my gaze.

"Bella, say something," Edward whispered, his eyes pleading.

I broke free from my trance and refocused my eyes on his. My mind was shouting questions at me, and I tried really hard to _not_ fire them at Edward relentlessly.

The words were all blurring in my mind, but one was dominantly stark against all others.

" _Why_?" I whispered, not having the courage to voice it out louder.

I was really nervous of what Edward will say, so I tried to not get my hopes up. After all, there wasn't really an indication that he broke it off because of what happened in New York.

Maybe it's because of us, maybe it isn't about us at all.

"Bella, can you honestly say that I should marry her?" he asked, "because I know that I can't. Not after seeing you again."

I remained mute, trying to absorb his words.

"I know that I made a mistake here, proposing to Irina when I still harbor feelings for you. It's unfair to you, and it's unfair to Irina. But I never imagined how it would backfire." He explained, leaning on his knees to get closer to me.

I gulped down, my throat feeling dry as I remained tight-lipped.

I have Edward here, saying how he can't marry someone else, not being able to build a life with someone else but he can't pick up his goddamned and tried to reach out to me like I did a couple of times.

"You never called me back," I said, my voice surprisingly strong.

"What?" he asked, confusion evident on his face.

"Six months ago, I tried calling you and Irina picked up. I wanted to speak to you, but you never called." I told him, _finally_.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella," he said, rubbing his face with his hand, "Irina never told me that you called."

"Well, I expected that." I said, "but you said you wanted to keep in touch, but you never did."

"I know," he sighed, "it's just that there's a lot going on, I can't seem to keep track of my life the past few months."

"Well, it seemed to me that was good bye in New York," I murmured, feeling my face blush.

"Oh, Bella," Edward breathed out, "I could never say good bye to you."

 ** _AN: Hey, thank you all so much for reading and for the great reviews. See you next chapter!_**


	21. Chapter 21

Edward and I sat in silence in Charlie's living room, the both of us lost in our own thoughts.

I can't deny the relief I felt when I heard that Edward broke things off with Irina, but a small, rational part of my brain was still niggling me to ask him why he never contacted me.

It wasn't like we ended on bad terms back in New York, maybe sad but it wasn't bad at all.

It hurt when he didn't call in the last six months, maybe even more so than when he didn't in the past three years.

Because this time, we have talked, and came to a conclusion that we wanted each other in our lives. In any way possible.

"Why?" I whispered lowly, but I'm sure Edward heard me because he turned to look in my direction. "Why didn't you ever call, Edward?"

He took a deep breath and remained silent. I looked over to his face and saw that he seemed to be contemplating his words. I waited patiently, my heart thumping in my chest wildly.

This anticipation is maddening.

Just before I opened my mouth to pry Edward for answers, he spoke quietly.

"I didn't call after I broke things off with Irina because I wanted to make sure." He said, "I wanted to make sure that I made the right choice for us. I mean, I knew that breaking up with Irina was the right thing. She was good, and I loved her once, but it wasn't something that I think would last for a very long time."

 _Like a lifelong commitment,_ I thought.

I sat quietly, absorbing his words. I waited for Edward to continue, wanting to get the explanation _I think_ I deserved.

"She was a good distraction," He continued, "Irina and I met the year after you left Forks. She was new in town and didn't know anyone. It was a coincidence that she was also working on the hospital. We got to know each other, and just sort of fell into a relationship."

I nodded mutely, urging Edward to continue.

"When I proposed to her," Edward started and I winced, not wanting the reminder that he wanted to commit to somebody else for the rest of his life, he just looked at me and threw me an apologetic smile.

"I thought I loved her then. I knew that I loved her, but it wasn't enough. I think even Irina knew that it wasn't." he breathed.

"You loved her," I stated quietly, feeling the tears prick at my eyes.

"Yes," he whispered gently.

I looked down to my lap, my vision blurring slightly.

"Our relationship was good, although she knew that I was holding myself back. Irina didn't know about you until after Emmett and Rosie's wedding."

My head snapped up at that, my eyes searching his.

"Why?" I breathed out, the calm thinly masked.

"Because then she'd know," Edward whispered, "she'd know why I was holding back."

I tried to gulp down the tightness in my throat to no avail. So instead, I silently stood up and went to the kitchen.

I rest my arms on the countertops, willing myself to take deep breaths. My head was pounding, maybe from what Edward said or maybe just because, and my knee hurt like a bitch.

I slowly gathered myself, and headed for the fridge. I took out to water bottles and gulped down one.

I felt the cold liquid slide through my throat and shivered. I stood silently for a few seconds, organizing my thoughts and preparing myself for whatever else Edward has to say.

I walked back to the living room and saw that Edward was still on the couch, almost on the exact same position I left him in.

I silently handed him the water bottle and he smiled at me in gratitude.

I stared as he unscrewed the lid and took a gulp, his throat constricting. I find myself watching his Adam's apple bob up and down, feeling my lips twitch as I wanted to kiss it.

I was broken out of my thoughts when Edward cleared his throat, and I was horrified from the smirk playing on his lips.

 _He saw me watching him._

I almost want to hit myself, especially when Edward chuckled lightly. I glared at him, and it only made him laugh.

I huffed out and moved to sit on the chair opposite him when he reached out and gently grabbed my arm.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered, "please don't move away from me,"

I relented and sat down again but refrained to look at his face.

"Can I continue now?" Edward asked, his breath washing over me. I turned to look at him and almost jumped when I saw how close he was.

I moved to swat at him but he just grabbed my hand and held it in his.

Edward held onto mine tightly, and I observed how his large hand engulfed mine entirely. I relaxed my hand and wrapped it around his fingers. I looked up to Edward and saw him smiling softly at me.

I squeezed his hand, and felt the warm tingling in my heart.

 _Oh, how we fit perfectly, Edward._

"Irina and I were engaged for just two months when I saw you again," he started, "I planned to go on with the engagement, but once I saw you, I wavered."

"We found comfort in each other, you know. She has just gotten out of a serious relationship when we first met. At first, I hesitated. It wasn't like I was looking for a relationship when I met Irina. But as time passed, I learned to love her." Edward continued, his hand tightened its hold on mine and I firmly held it.

"When I told her about you, she wasn't mad. Maybe irritated, but not mad. She said that she knew all along that there's still someone else. I tried to explain to her, but she just brushed me off." He said, and I sat beside him, quietly pondering why she seemed mad at _me_.

"When I called and she answered," I began, "she seemed mad."

"When was that?" Edward asked, his brow furrowing as he seemed to jog his memory.

"A few days after you left New York," I said.

"Oh," Edward breathed out, "I just broke up with her, then." He explained.

"What did you tell her?" I asked, genuinely curious as to why I got _that_ kind of response from Irina.

"I told her that I'm breaking up with her because I'm not sure anymore. She threw a fit, called me names and threw some things at my head." Edward said, chuckling at the memory, "I think I deserved it."

I didn't respond, instead I just looked at him.

"Irina asked if I went to New York and saw you, I said yes. I didn't see any reason to lie to her face." He stopped talking, as if thinking if he should continue, "she asked me if I slept with you, and when I said no, she went hysterical and called me a liar."

I gasped at that, I can't believe that she'd think I would sleep with an engaged man.

"I asked her to calm down, but she didn't. So I went to go have a shower, and thinking that if I gave her some space she would. And I think that's about the same time you called." He explained and I nodded, finally understanding why she seemed to be so irritated with me.

"Anyway," Edward started, "she started calling me for a while, and I can't do anything about it. I didn't want to be rude to her, I mean, after all, we did date for a while. And finally, she just stopped and I heard that she got back together with her ex-boyfriend."

"He's her baby's father?" I asked, still feeling a little baffled about Irina's sudden pregnancy.

"I assume that he is," Edward said.

I was nervous about asking, but I wanted to make sure that Edward isn't the baby's father.

"Are you sure?" I hedged, the nervousness apparent in my voice.

"Yes, Irina told me herself." He answered confidently.

I breathed a little easier, thankful that _this_ issue was put to rest.

I mean, it's not like I won't accept this child, _if Edward and I got back together,_ but I just can't help but feel a little jealous that he and Irina has a bond that can't be broken if he turned out to be the baby's father.

"So after that, everything calmed a little and I had time to think. I thought about calling you as soon as possible, but I restrained myself. I thought that I should give you some time too. Especially after how we've left things between us." Edward said, "I wanted _you_ to be sure, I wanted you to have some break from me, before I start hounding you."

I dipped my head, coming in with terms how Edward _wanted_ me to have a break from him.

 _Haven't I had enough of that?_

"But just as I was about to call you, things started to get crazy again. The hospital board asked me to meet them, and after our meeting, I found myself being promoted. The pediatric specialist retired, and they asked me to fill in his shoes." He explained, "I haven't had time to myself since then. I wanted to call you, but I was waiting for my life to settle down a bit before I contacted you."

"Okay," I said quietly, my mind still reeling from the information Edward unloaded on me.

I was about to say more, but the flash of headlights from the driveway halted me. Before we had time to react, the front door flew open and Charlie appeared on the doorway, his face a mask of confusion.

His eyes roamed all over the room, as if checking for something amiss before they landed on us.

His eyes scrutinized our faces before landing on our joined hands. His mustache quirked slightly, before he muttered something under his breath.

"Bella," Charlie said, his eyes looking intently at mine. I blushed slightly and tried to nod my head at him.

He smirked at me before looking over to Edward's equally stunned face.

"And Edward,"

 ** _AN: Hi, thank you for reading! See you next chapter_** ** _J_**


	22. Chapter 22

"Do you kids like pizza?" Charlie asked, hanging his gun belt on the hallway.

"Yeah, pizza's fine," I muttered, eyeing my dad curiously. Edward remained silent, his hand gripping mine tightly.

"Edward?" he asked, looking at Edward pointedly.

Edward startled at the sound of his name and he reluctantly pried his hand from mine.

"Yes," he said, the tips of his ears tinging slightly.

I stood up gingerly from my seat and started to head for the kitchen. I had the urge to leave, since it seemed like Edward and Charlie had something to say to each other.

I was squeezing some lemonade on the strainer when I heard their muffled voices from the living room. I honestly tried to stay out of their business, but my curiosity got the better of me.

I strained to hear what they were saying, but I only managed to catch glimpses.

"…. we talked, but I haven't…."

"…. Well, I'm sure you'll works things out…."

"I really hope so, Charlie…"

"Me too, son. Me too…"

"… just promise me, you won't hurt her anymore…"

"I promise I'll try…"

I was unconsciously leaning over the counter, trying to hear them clearer when they stopped talking altogether. I leaned a little farther, trying to decipher the sounds coming from the living room. I was focusing so hard on it that I wasn't able to hear someone enter the kitchen behind me.

"Bella?" Edward asked, causing me to almost jump in the air and drop the squeezed lemon in my hands.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, my hand going to my chest to calm my erratic heart. "You startled me!"

"What are you doing?" he asked, his eyebrows quirked.

I tried to hide my blush and nodded my head to the freshly squeezed pitcher of lemonade on the counter.

"Making lemonade," I said, averting my eyes from his.

"Yes, I can see that," he smirked, "but what are you doing, leaning over the counter like that?"

"Uh," I stammered, "I was trying to reach the pitcher?"

"Were you listening to Charlie and me?" Edward asked, all joking void from his tone.

I looked sheepishly at him, my blush surely giving me away.

"No," I said.

 _Yes._

Edward sighed and took my clean hand in his. He squeezed it gently, before interlacing his fingers with mine.

"We'll talk more, okay?" he asked, his eyes searching mine.

I nodded mutely at him, my fingers gripping his in acquisition.

We stood silently in Charlie's kitchen, our hands joined as our eyes gazed at each other.

I wonder, _not_ for the first time, if Edward was really telling me the truth.

I mean, I get his reasoning. He has to figure out his life after the debacle with Irina, but would it really take six _freaking_ months to sort it out?

There was no wedding yet, no divorce papers to settle.

I know that I'm being irrational, but I feel like I have a right, given that I was waiting for him for almost three years, if I'm being completely honest with myself.

 _Was it really that hard to pick up the phone and call me?_

I may have unconsciously pulled away slightly because Edward tightened his hold on my hands. I tried to smile at him reassuringly, but I think all I managed was a grimace because he frowned.

"Are you okay?" Edward whispered, his breath washing over my face.

"Yes," I nodded, intending to look him in the eye so that he can see that I'm not lying.

He pulled away slightly and brought my hands to his lips. He placed a gentle kiss on them, his lips lingering.

I took a small sigh, willing away the doubt from my mind.

"I'll just get back to Charlie, okay?" he said, although given his tone, it looked like he was asking for my permission.

I nodded my head at him, intending to go back to the task at hand.

I could faintly hear Charlie and Edward talking in the living room again, but this time, I tried not to eavesdrop.

I focused on the lemonade, my mind wandering to random thoughts. I tried to think of how much work I've already missed, the deadlines piling up on my desk. I tried to think through the mail collecting in the mailbox, but my mind has other ideas.

 _I really can't shake off this nagging feeling. Especially now that the seed of doubt has been planted._

Dinner with Charlie went well, I think. They have obviously kept contact, given how there was no awkwardness between them at all.

They constantly talked about sports, fishing, _and_ sports. I wasn't able to contribute much to the conversation, but it felt like it didn't matter anyway. They have already filled me with a month's worth of sports talk between the two of them.

After clearing the table, Charlie headed back to the living room while I walked Edward to his car.

The distance between us was filled with silence, and it wasn't good for me.

It gave me the peace to think, to ponder on what has been happening between us.

I wanted to ask him badly, but I don't know how to proceed.

Our relationship is still too rocky to start questioning Edward already. I didn't want to anger or irritate him, but I wanted my doubts to either be confirmed or eradicated.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice Edward stopping his tracks.

I was made aware of it though when he grabbed my arm and yanked me back to his side gently.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, his brows knitting together in confusion.

I pondered for a while, preparing to lie through my teeth and say that nothing's wrong.

I was about to just say so when I accidentally looked directly into his eyes.

And I thought, _I can't lie to Edward. Not when we're trying to be a part of each other's lives._

"I…" I hesitated, "it's just that, I find it hard you know?"

His eyebrows pulled tighter, and I know that I have to explain further.

"Were you really planning to call me?" I asked bluntly, trying to maintain my composure.

He took a deep sigh, briefly closing his eyes before opening and refocusing them onto mine.

"Bella," he started, "please believe that I was really about to call you one of these days if you haven't already fallen in front of my parents' house."

"Really? When?" I insisted, my resolve hardening by the moment.

Edward paused, his face void of any emotion.

Seeing this, my heart sank.

 _And I thought we were making progress._

I pried away his hands from me before silently walking ahead. I didn't know what to do, and that makes me feel hopeless.

Edward caught up with me and we continued to walk in deafening silence.

Soon after, we were already standing by his car and not a word has been spoken between us.

I looked on as Edward unlocked his door, his actions still graceful even when faced with tension.

He turned around abruptly, roaming over my face before his eyes landed on mine.

"Can I call you later?" he asked, his voice sounding hesitant.

"Of course," I murmured quietly.

"Thanks for tonight," he said while a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

I smiled in acknowledgement, my mind still reeling from what happened in the last few hours I spent with Edward.

"Don't forget to clean your wound and change the dressing," Edward reminded me, his eyes briefly moving to my injured knee.

"Yes, doc," I chided, my knee actually throbbing a little when Edward mentioned it.

I shifted from one foot to another, trying to put my weight on my uninjured knee. Edward noticed it, and turned his concerned eyes to mine.

"Does it hurt?" he asked moving as if he was about to drop down on his knees and would begin tending to it if I say yes.

"No, it's fine," I said, although it feels a little sore.

"I'll call you, okay?" he reminded me, "and please tell me if it hurts."

"Okay," I said, smiling internally at how he seemed to worry over an injured knee.

"Okay, I have to go now," he said, glancing over at his watch.

I watched Edward as he climbed on his car and started the engine.

He threw a smile and wave at my direction before he started to back out of the driveway. I watched him drive away in the dark, standing on Charlie's porch until his taillights were out of sight.

I took a deep breath, and shivered slightly. I felt the cold in the air and decided that it's time I go inside unless I want to catch a cold.

With one last glance to the road leading to the Cullens' house, I went in and prepared myself for a long night ahead.

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading! See you next chapter_** ** _J_**

 ** _PS: Regarding the reviews from last chapter, I just want to say that my Edward and Bella aren't perfect and they're bound to make mistakes, maybe even lots of them._**

 ** _So please, bear with me, and with them, as we get along this story. Thank you_** ** _J_**


	23. Chapter 23

Edward called before I went to bed, but we only managed to talk briefly.

He said that he has to go to work tomorrow morning, and I felt exhausted, not to mention that my knee was starting to bother me.

We only talked about nonsensical things, the both of us still skirting around the topic that may make or break us.

Right now, I'm lying on my bed, staring up at the dark room. My mind was a mess; my thoughts were all scrambling for attention. I yawned loudly and rolled over to my side, squeezing my eyes shut as I waited for sleep to evade me.

I was startled awake by the sound of a car backing away from the driveway. I scrambled up from bed, stumbling my way to the window. I looked out and saw Charlie's cruiser driving away.

I looked at the car until it turned around the corner, disappearing from my sight. I hummed slightly and headed back to my bed. I snatched my phone from the nightstand on my way, and plopped down on the bed.

I held the phone for a few minutes, the screen flashing to indicate that I have new messages. I unlocked the screen to be greeted with two new messages. I opened the most recent one and saw that it was from my dad, telling me that he has to go to work and will be home for dinner.

I replied to him before proceeding to the next one. It was from Edward and he sent it almost three hours ago.

 ** _Good morning, Bella. I'm heading off to work now. Hope you have a great day._**

 ** _-E_**

I sighed deeply, holding my phone tightly in my hands as I thought of an appropriate reply.

 ** _Hi, I just woke up. Have a great day at work!_**

 ** _Xx Bella_**

Once I've hit send, I put my phone back on the nightstand and stood up again. I stretched my arms above my head, feeling my bones groaning in protest. I yawned widely, my body still awakening. I thought of the things I have to do today, the first agenda was cleaning the house and maybe packing up my stuff.

I have two more days left here before I have to go back to New York, and I plan to make the most out of them.

The ringing of my phone distracted me from my thoughts and when I picked it up, I saw that it was Edward calling.

I briefly hesitated, wondering why on earth was he calling me if he was at work.

"Hello?" I asked through the speaker, my tone uncertain.

"Hey, Bella," Edward greeted, "how's your knee?"

In truth my knee was throbbing like a bitch, but I wouldn't say that to Edward.

"Oh, it's a little sore, but nothing I can't manage." I said, stretching aforementioned knee to see if it was _that_ bad.

I winced slightly, the wound producing a little blood on the edges.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked, his voice thinly masking the concern.

"Yes," I hissed through my teeth, "just a little sore."

"I can check it if you want," he offered, sounding genuine.

"Oh, I don't want to be a bother. It's just a wound," I reassured, a _bleeding_ wound _,_ but still just a wound nonetheless.

"It won't be a bother," he breathed, "did you change the bandage like I told you to last night?"

Oh shit. Maybe that's why it's bleeding.

"No," I whispered quietly as I berated myself internally.

 _Stupid Bella,_ I thought. maybe I got it infected or something because I didn't change the bandage.

"Oh, Bella. What am I going to do with you?" he asked, albeit rhetorically.

"I'll change it after I take a shower, okay?" I said, trying to placate Edward.

"You know what? Why don't you come up here for lunch and I'll change it myself?" Edward offered.

I really didn't hesitate to answer him. First, I wanted to see him. Despite the doubts and things we won't tell each other, I still wanted to see him.

"Oh, sure," I quickly replied, sounding a little happy.

"And that way, we can have lunch together," he continued, "that is, if you want to."

"Of course," I said, "I'll drive to the hospital by noon then?"

"Yes," Edward replied, "just tell the front desk that you're here to see me and they'll let you through."

"Okay," I muttered, "do you want me to bring our lunch?"

"Yes, please," Edward answered, "I missed your cooking."

I blushed at what Edward said, my heart filling with butterflies to the brim.

"I'll bring lunch then," I stated, "maybe even your favorite."

"Now you're just teasing," he chuckled, "it's still two hours 'til lunch but you have my mouth watering already."

I laughed at him, the sounding reverberating through the phone.

I imagined Edward smirking now, his eyes glinting with mischief.

"Well, now you'll just have to wait," I teased.

"Okay, I have to go now. I have a patient waiting for me," Edward said, "I'll see you at lunch okay?"

"Yes, I'll be there," I clarified.

"Bye, Bella," Edward breathed, "and please get here safely."

"Okay, bye." I said before ending the call.

After putting down my phone, I quickly dressed for the day and headed to the kitchen.

I still have approximately two hours to make my homemade lasagna. And it's a really good thing that I stocked the kitchen, giving me the advantage of having everything I need to make Edward's favorite.

After an hour and a half of slaving away in the kitchen, I now have two separate containers of lasagna to bring with me to the hospital and a half pan cooling on the counter for Charlie.

Once I have made sure that I packed everything I needed to bring, I quickly dashed to the bathroom for a quick shower.

I didn't have the time to thoroughly clean my wound, but I think that Edward would make good on his promise and clean it himself.

I don't trust myself to do the job correctly anyway, given that I actually forgot to change the bandage last night.

After getting dressed, I ran downstairs, mindfully might I add, and grabbed the bag I prepared earlier. I scampered off outside, and forgetting yet again that I don't have a ride here.

I briefly considered taking a cab, and was again reminded by the voice in my head how ostentatious it was. Instead, I took a step toward the shed holding my bicycle and prayed to the gods above that I won't fall again.

I checked the pedals and chain obsessively and repeatedly before I boarded the bike. After making sure that my bag was secured to the basket, I slowly started to make my way to the hospital.

It took me a lot longer than it usually did back then, but I was able to make it to the hospital safely this time.

Sure I was sweating slightly, but I thought that it gave me a good exercise anyway. I was huffing out breaths lightly by the time I saw the hospital's welcome sign, but I think it was more worth it than taking a cab across a town this small.

I parked my bicycle on the bicycle lane, securing it with a padlock although I highly doubt that anyone would take it.

It was mangled from my fall a few days ago, the metal scratched. It was actually a miracle that I was still able to heft it across town.

After retrieving my bag from the basket, I made my way to the hospital. I saw a few familiar faces, some were patients and some were nurses whom I went to high school with.

I went to the nurses' station just like Edward said, and when I told the nurse that I was to see Dr. Cullen, she made a double take at me before smiling.

"He's waiting for you in his office," the nurse smiled at me, showing me her perfect white teeth.

"Okay," I said, "uhm, where is it?"

I felt stupid for asking, but I didn't want to make a bigger idiot out of myself by going through all the floors looking for Edward.

"Oh, it's on the third floor. Once you've exited the elevator, turn right. His office is at the end of the hallway near the NICU." She explained to me, her eyes roaming all over me.

I looked at her nametag discreetly and see that her name's Bree.

I didn't go to high school with _Bree,_ so I highly doubt that she knows me. Still, her eyes seemed to scrutinize every orifice of my face and it's making me a tad bit uncomfortable.

"Okay, thanks." I said, scrambling to get away from the nurses' station.

I boarded the elevator and repeatedly pressed the button for the third floor. I was actually scared that _Bree_ was going to join me to Edward's office. There's just something off about her, I guess.

I was just about to breathe a sigh of relief, the elevator's doors were finally closing, when an arm shot out and blocked it.

The arm definitely belongs to a female, its hand and fingers looking delicate. The elevator's doors began to open again, and I tried to mask my irritation at whoever it is that stopped it.

I looked to the arm again, and in my peripheral, the body it belonged to boarded the car. My eyes trailed up the limb and came face to face with Irina.

My eyes quickly darted to her belly, and true to Edward's word, she really _is_ pregnant.

I stood in shock, the surprise etched on my face.

Irina sneered at me, her eyes shooting venom in my direction. My throat was dry, my heart hammering in my chest.

 _Maybe I should have asked Bree to accompany me to Edward's office. That way, I wouldn't have been alone with Irina here._

The ride to the third floor was pure agony. We haven't spoken a word between us and I refused to look in Irina's direction, but I can still feel the hole she was trying to imprint on the side of my face.

When the elevator dinged its way to the third floor, I almost fell out in my hurry to get away from Irina.

I think I heard her chuckle behind me, but I didn't look to make sure.

"Well, Edward sure _works_ fast," I heard Irina say, her voice reverberating through the otherwise empty elevator car.

 _What?_

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_** ** _J_**


	24. Chapter 24

I walked the hallway to Edward's office, confused and befuddled about what Irina said.

 _Well, Edward sure works fast._

What does she mean? In what aspect did Edward work fast?

I was nearing the door at the end of the hallway, the one that says _Dr. Edward Cullen, MD_ , when the aforementioned door opened and revealed a smiling Edward.

He was wearing a long, white, lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck. Underneath the coat, Edward was wearing a light pink polo and chino pants paired with brown leather shoes.

His hair was in its usual disarray, yet he still managed to look professional.

My breath stuttered slightly at his appearance.

 _Edward really looked good, even when he's wearing a lab coat,_ I thought.

I shook my head slightly, and refocused my gaze on his face instead. I continued to walk towards him with a small smile playing on my lips.

He was looking right at me, his grin wide and welcoming. I walked faster, my feet almost gliding across the floor at is carried me over to Edward.

Edward walked the remaining short distance between us, meeting me halfway. He extended his hand to my direction and I tentatively took it, deeply sighing as I felt his hand grip mine tightly.

"Hi," he whispered, his eyes roaming all over my face before settling on my eyes.

"Hey," I said softly, gazing back at him.

Edward smiled briefly at me before he led me inside his office.

His office was spacious, the walls and floor pristinely clean. There was an organized collage of children's artworks displayed on the right side of the room, directly opposite from the wide windows.

I unconsciously moved towards the artworks, my eyes in awe of the pictures on the wall. Based from what I can see, these artworks were from Edward's patients. My eyes roamed all over the pictures, my heart tugging at those that clearly showed sickly children.

"Those were from my patients," Edward whispered behind me, "most of these children were very sick when they first came in, and I wanted to do everything that I could to help them."

I looked over at him, and was slightly startled at the compassion reflected in his eyes. I reached out to him, offering my hand for him to hold. Edward eagerly grasped my hand and gave it a squeeze before loosening his hold and leading me to the couch on the other side of the room.

We settled down on the leather couch, merely a hairsbreadth between us. My eyes were still taking in Edward's office.

The desk on at the center of the room took my attention. Its mere presence was exuding dominance over the space. The dark wood was a stark contrast to the otherwise light environment. At the corner of the office was an examination table with an overhead surgical light.

There was a basket of toys near the table, while the medical equipment was neatly stored on a tall cabinet propped against the wall.

My eyes moved over to the wall behind Edward's desk. There were multiple framed photos displayed on the wall.

There was one that I recognized. It was from his graduation, Edward and his parents were all grinning widely, their arms around each other. I smiled fondly at it, remembering that I was the one who took the photo.

The other pictures weren't familiar to me, but based on the order it was placed, these pictures were taken from the last couple of years.

Finally, I turned my attention to Edward and saw that he was looking intently at me.

"What?" I asked, feeling my face blush.

"Nothing," he smiled, shaking his head lightly.

I looked at him for a few seconds before I reached for the bag I brought with me. I quietly unpacked our lunch, handing Edward his container before I got mine.

I watched the reaction on his face as he opened the container. He hummed loudly, the sound sending warmth all over my body.

Edward took a huge sniff of his food before looking at me and grinning widely.

"Smells good, Bella," Edward said, his fork already poised to scoop a huge bite.

"Thanks," I replied quietly, my eyes intent on his actions.

I looked on in delight as Edward took a forkful and shoved it in his mouth. His eyes closed dramatically as he moaned almost pornographically. Blood rushed to my face at the sound and I tried to avert my gaze, looking down at my food instead.

"This is _really_ good," he exclaimed, his mouth full yet he was already scoping out another bite.

I took a small bite of my own, luxuriating in the burst of flavors on my tongue. I quietly ate my meal, all the while keeping an eye on Edward as he devours his lunch.

I wasn't even halfway through my lunch when Edward put down his empty container. He silently stood up and headed to the mini fridge behind his desk.

He bent down and retrieved two water bottles, unscrewing both before he handed me one as he took a sip from his bottle.

He reclaimed his seat beside me, turning so that he is facing me on the couch.

I consciously ate my lunch, hyper aware that Edward was watching my every move.

Once I felt full, I repacked the containers in my bag and faced Edward.

"Thank you for lunch, it was really delicious." Edward said, smiling at me.

"No problem," I whispered, ducking my head to hide my blush.

"Well now," he started, "please put your leg up on the couch so I can see your knee."

I blinked up at him, slightly stupefied at his request.

"Your wound, Bella? I told you I'll check it myself," he explained gently, although his eyes were shining with mirth.

I obediently raised my leg up to the couch after removing my shoe. Edward stood up and went to retrieve his medical bag from his desk. He produced a bottle of alcohol from the bag, and I winced slightly, already feeling the sting he will bestow upon my wound.

"I really have to clean it, Bella," Edward said apologetically.

I just nodded my head as I watched Edward unscrew the bottle and dab a little alcohol on a cotton ball.

He dabbed the cotton to my wound gently, but it still hurt.

I flinched from the contact, my knee jerking from the sting. I can feel my eyes tearing up slightly and Edward must have seen it too because he gave me an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, his eyes concentrating on my knee.

After a few seconds, I can no longer feel anything on my knee and I was actually grateful for it. I looked at Edward, watching him as he cleaned my wound with an expression of deep concentration on his face.

"So," Edward started, "how did you get here anyway? I forgot to ask earlier, but I know you don't have a car here."

"I rode my bike," I muttered under my breath.

Edward looked sharply at me, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Bella," he said, a clear warning on his tone.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry." I said, placating him.

"You should have called me to come and get you," he said.

"I didn't want to bother you any more than I already would." I reasoned out.

"It's not a bother," he insisted, his hands working fast on re-bandaging my knee.

I looked around us, trying to find something else to talk about other than my stubbornness. Just then, Irina came to my mind.

 _Well, Edward sure works fast._

I frowned slightly, still wondering about what the hell she was talking about.

Should I ask Edward about it?

I pondered it in my head, trying to come up with different scenarios as to why Irina would say that.

"What is it?" Edward asked suddenly, his brows furrowing.

I hesitated for a brief moment, debating with myself if I should just go for it or say that it's nothing. I looked at his face and tried to gauge his expression.

I really, _really_ want to know, but at the same time, I don't want to. I'm afraid that this might demolish all the progress we've made the past few days.

I must have been staring for a bit too long because Edward sighed deeply, and closed his eyes before looking at me again.

"Please tell me what's on your mind," he pleaded, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I saw Irina on my way up," I said silently, watching the expressions play on Edward's face.

He nodded quietly, indicating that I should continue.

"Well, there wasn't much said between us, but…" I trailed off, suddenly feeling nervous.

He quirked his eyebrow at me, waiting for my words.

"There was something that she said, and it stuck with me," I continued.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice turning hoarse.

"She said that you sure do move fast," I whispered, my voice becoming lighter and lighter as I reached the last word, "what did she mean, Edward?"

I looked up at him, and I watched in horrified realization as resolve settled in his eyes.

We remained in silence, our eyes never breaking contact. Edward was wearing a grave expression on his face, and it scared me.

I wanted to take back my words, take back time. All of a sudden, I had this feeling of dread settling in my stomach.

"I…" he whispered dryly, "Bella, I have to tell you something."

I bobbed at Edward to continue as I hold my breath, my heart stuttering in my chest.

"The reason that I didn't call you earlier was that," he swallowed inaudibly, "I slept with someone."

 _My heart._

 _My heart was shattered into a million pieces around me, the pieces bleeding me dry._

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_** ** _J_**


	25. Chapter 25

I sat in shock, my breath stilted in my throat.

 _I cannot believe the words Edward has just said._

 _What? How? When?_

I opened my mouth a couple of times, but no sound would come out. I furrowed my brows tightly, running Edward's words in my mind again.

 _I slept with someone._

 _I slept with someone._

 _I slept with someone._

 _Edward was with someone else, that's why he didn't call me in the past six months._

I snatched away my hand from his and abruptly stood. I robotically gathered my things, shoving the containers carelessly into the bag.

Surprisingly, there were no tears. My breathing was fine and my heart wasn't thundering in my chest.

On the outside, I looked like the poster kid for a calm façade, but deep inside, I can feel the storm brewing.

 _Maybe it hasn't fully hit me yet,_ I thought as I looked around the room checking to see if I've left anything.

"Bella," Edward whispered from the couch, his eyes following my movements.

I snapped my head to his direction and narrowed my eyes.

"Please let me explain," he pleaded, moving as if he's about to stand.

"Shut the fuck up, Edward," I snarled, my voice sounding feral.

Edward visibly flinched from the venom in my voice, his face perfectly resembling one of shock.

I took one last look around the room, my eyes briefly staring at Edward's before I quietly headed to the door.

I was already seething, and I _really_ didn't want to make a scene at Edward's workplace regardless of the circumstances in which we found ourselves.

I grabbed the handle and yanked the door open with so much force that I briefly wondered if I dislocated my arm in the process.

I ignored the slight ache in my arm and marched outside. The door didn't even touch the frame when Edward burst out, his eyes wild and frantic.

He stopped all movements when he saw me standing just outside his office, his eyes boring into mine.

We stood in silence for a few moments, the tension between us so palpable that I briefly wondered about what would happen if someone would walk between us.

 _I hope the person who will walk between us is the girl Edward slept with, and that the tension will burn her._

I shook my head at myself internally, scolding my mind as it wandered off to darker thoughts.

I brought myself back to the current situation and arched an eyebrow at Edward, silently challenging him to speak.

When he didn't say anything, I huffed out a breath and stomped off to the elevators.

I didn't have the guts to look back, afraid that my heart won't be able to take it if I ever saw Edward just standing there, looking forlornly at me.

I made it to the elevators without Edward chasing after me. Logically, I knew that I should have felt better with it, but my heart felt like it sank deeper into the dark abyss.

I took a deep breath as I stepped in to the elevator car. I gathered my wits and pressed on the button that will take me to the ground floor of the hospital. I looked straight ahead but in my peripheral, I can see Edward just standing at the end of the hallway.

A sob almost broke free, but I bit my lip so hard that I can taste the distinct tang of blood.

Just as the doors were closing, I saw Edward sprint to the elevator. I didn't have enough time to react before his arm was stopping the doors from closing.

I stood at the corner dumbly, just staring at Edward as he tried to pry the door open. Eventually, the door gave in and Edward was able to step inside.

An awkward silence bathed the space of the elevator, the both of us just standing there. I refused to look to Edward, afraid how I'll finally react especially now that we're in an enclosed space.

From the corner of my eye, I can see that he's staring at the right side of my face. He was breathing a little hard, no doubt catching his breath, the small puffs of air barreling to my face as Edward stood near.

"Bella, please let me explain," he said after a few seconds, his breathing now normal.

I turned my head to the other direction, completely removing him from view.

Edward gently touched my arm and I flinched, my arm snapping away from his touch.

"Don't touch me," I hissed between my teeth.

"Bella, please," he pleaded, his hand retreating from me.

"Please what, Edward?" I exclaimed, turning my face to his direction.

Edward blanched slightly from the scowl etched on my face. He backed away slowly, retreating to the other side of the elevator.

I crossed my arms over my chest, still glaring at him. Edward refused to meet my eyes for a second, but as he seemed to gather his thoughts, he faced me again and took a deep breath.

"Please let me explain, Bella," he begged again, this time his voice was softer.

I took a deep breath and counted to ten in my head. I wanted to have a clear head when I hear whatever _bullshit_ Edward has to say.

"Yes, _please_ explain it to me, Edward," I said, the sarcasm evident in my tone.

Edward seemed to have detected it too, but he didn't say anything else.

 _Good for him._

"Please explain to me how you can sleep with anyone while I waited for you to call?" I said, my voice getting louder by the second. "Please tell me how you can just easily let it go on for so long? How can I even trust you right now?"

"I…" Edward trailed off, looking like he was lost for words. "Bella, it wasn't like that,"

"Then what is it?" I asked.

"I don't even remember it," he whispered, "Emmett got me drunk after I broke it off with Irina, the whole night was a blur…"

I arched my brow at him. I can't believe he's putting the blame on anyone else other than himself.

"It was just a one-time thing, and I didn't even expect to have it go any further." Edward continued.

"How many are there, Edward?" I asked quietly, the words out of my mouth before I could even process them.

I didn't want to know how many women Edward slept with in the last six months that he _didn't_ call me. Yet, my subconscious was curious. It looked like it wanted to torture the hell out of me by asking that question.

"Just one, I promise you." Edward said, his eyes looking straight at mine, pleading for me to believe.

"Do you know her?" I asked, holding my breath in tense silence as Edward closed his eyes tightly.

"Yes," his voice was so low, I would not have heard it if we weren't bathed in silence.

I released a staggering breath, feeling dizzy as realization dawned on me.

 _He knew her and it hurt so much._

My chest aches, and I can't take any more breaths. I rubbed at the spot, feeling my heart hammering its way out of my chest under my palm.

The elevator dinged, indicating that we have reached the ground floor.

I looked back at Edward, waiting for the doors to open.

"Who is she?" I whispered, my voice merely a sound disturbing the silence that has descended upon us.

With his eyes clenched shut, I saw the tightening of his jaw. The way it pulled taut was mesmerizing, something akin to a heart clenching tight.

I waited with bated breath, my ears ringing from the silence around us.

The elevator doors were slowly opening up, the outside world coming into view as Edward opened his eyes.

The green in them were shining, swimming in unshed tears.

"It's Bree, the nurse from the front station," he said, his voice gravelly.

I choked back a sob and turned to go out.

My vision was blurring from the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I couldn't hear anything around me, the noise surrounding me was just a mere distraction from the thunder boiling inside.

 _Fuck that, of course he has to sleep with a nurse he works with._

I barged out of the elevator like a woman on a mission.

 _Hell, I am a woman on a mission._

My steps never faltered as I headed for the nurses' station. I could hear Edward almost running behind me, but I paid him no attention.

"Bella," Edward gasped behind me, his breathless voice urging me to move forward.

I finally stopped in front of the nurses' station, my eyes bouncing off of heads, looking for _her_.

After a while, she emerged from the back, her smile irritating the hell out of me.

 _Of course, Edward had to go sleep with someone pretty._

I stood my ground, my glare almost burning a hole on her face.

 _Bree_ must have caught sight of me glaring at her because she stopped whatever it was that she was doing and gave me a _fucking_ smirk.

Her eyes went over to my shoulder and she freaking glowed.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen," she purred, shoving her way to the front of the station.

I turned to look behind me at Edward, and he looked so uncomfortable I might have laughed off if the situation wasn't this crazy. I looked back to Bree, and see her goading smile aimed at me.

"How can I help you, _Bella_?" she asked, her tone scathingly sweet it makes me want to punch her.

I took a step toward her, my fists clenching at my sides. The murderous look on my face didn't even deter her, but maybe, my punch would.

"You fucking bitch," I hissed under my breath, my arm ready to swing a punch to her face.

She had the audacity to smile at me, and it taunted me. Just as I was about to introduce my fist to her _pretty_ face, someone held me back.

"Bella," Edward whispered at my ear, his arms around me. "Don't do this, please,"

I whirled around to face him, regardless of his arms restraining me.

"Don't do this?!" I almost yelled, my voice sounding hysterical. "What right do you have to tell me what to do?"

"Bella," he said again, this time his tone softer.

I pried his arms away from me and stormed off of the hospital. I can hear Edward following behind me, but I didn't turn back to check.

I was already fuming at this point, my face felt hot and I can feel angry tears pricking at my eyes.

Edward went around and stood in front of me. He leaned his head down, trying to catch my gaze.

"Let me drive you home, Bella," he gently offered, his hands going to my arms.

I stood back from him, my resolve made.

"No," I said, my voice firm and strong.

"But-"

"I said no," I uttered, this time looking Edward straight in the eyes to show him how serious I was.

He stood stoically in the middle of the parking lot as I distanced myself from him. I didn't dare to look back as I headed for my bicycle.

After securing my stuff, I quietly pedaled my way to Charlie's house.

 _I left Edward standing there, completely unmoving._

 _There were no tears._

 _No fights._

 _Just heartbreak._

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_** ** _J_**


	26. Chapter 26

The ride back to Charlie's was uneventful so far, well, maybe except for the drizzling rain. The light trickling of rain on my skin was a welcomed distraction. The quiet howls of the wind were blowing away the thoughts from my mind.

I rode my bicycle carefully this time, making sure that I won't inflict any more damage onto my knee. And besides, I didn't want to make another trip to the hospital any time soon. _Or maybe ever again._

The as thought as to why I would never step foot on the Forks Community lingered on my mind, and I tried my hardest to make it go away. At least until I've safely tucked myself back at home.

I was just rounding up the corner, my childhood home already in sight, when I heard an engine purring behind me.

I didn't dare to look back, I was afraid that I might fall off of my balance and injure myself any further.

Instead, I sidled to the right side of the road and waited for the vehicle behind me to pass through.

It didn't go ahead of me, though. Alternately, it even slowed down to my pace.

This piqued my interest, and made my heart race in my chest, so I came to a stop on the side of the road. I unhurriedly hopped off of my bike and turned to face the vehicle that also stopped a few feet behind me.

From my periphery, I can make out a silver _stupid shiny Volvo,_ and its owner still sitting behind the wheel.

I didn't have to look closer to identify the car that was following me.

I quickly hopped back to my bicycle, intending to pedal away as fast as I can. I was just poised to jumpstart my bicycle, my leg preparing to exert enough force that I'll almost fly back to Charlie's house.

The sound of a door closing behind me made the breath whoosh out of my lungs.

I remained still, my right foot frozen on the pedal while the other one balanced me and the bicycle.

I heard the footsteps walking towards me, and with sound brings some unwarranted anger and irritation.

I strained to hear if the footsteps had stopped, the howling of the wind almost drowning out the quiet sounds made by the _stupid_ _shiny Volvo owner_.

"Bella," he whispered behind me, his voice quiet.

I didn't turn to look at him, nor acknowledge him. I simply stood there, straddling my bike, my knuckles almost turning white from the way I clenched the bars.

"Bella, please let me explain," Edward continued, his voice sounding near.

I turned back slightly to watch him walk cautiously towards me, his hands extended as if I was a wild animal about to pounce.

I huffed and turned back around, loosening my hold on the bars and preparing to take off again.

The hand that suddenly held onto my arm seized my movements, its gentle grasp rendering me speechless momentarily. I turned to look at Edward slowly, bracing myself for the impact of seeing whatever expression on his face.

The spark of electricity that coursed through us was surprising yet expected, the current the same as it had been even years before.

Edward didn't remove his hand on my arm, and I didn't actually try to shake it off.

Instead, we stood there on the side of the road, two idiots unreasonably still as we looked at each other with trepidation in our eyes.

My anger dissipated for a fleeting moment when I saw the resignation etched on Edward's face. But as I recalled what he told me as we sat comfortably close on the couch in his office, it returned with a rapid pace.

 _I cannot believe that he can keep this from me for six whole months._

 _Regardless of our lack of relationship, I think I had the right to know something as major as this._

With this thought, I gently shook off his hand from me, ignoring the slight frown marring his beautiful face.

I turned my attention back to my bicycle, my hands flexing before I gripped the handlebars again.

I started to move again, leaving Edward behind, still standing on the side of the road.

The rain had started to fall a little heavier, prompting me to pedal faster.

I reached the driveway within seconds, my heart thumping wildly in my chest from my exertion of force. Sweat was lightly dripping down my back, and a light sheen of it was forming on my forehead.

I looked back subtly at the corner, trying to see if Edward was still there.

He was still there, standing in the middle of the rain, letting his clothes soak through.

I stowed away my bicycle in the shed, almost running to the porch as the rain started to fall harder.

I glanced over at Edward again, and see that he was starting to go back to his car.

Slight disappointment washed over me when I realized that he _still w_ asn't coming after me. But as I watched his Volvo move towards the house, my dismay turned into panic.

I scrambled to get off the porch and into the house, slamming the front door after me.

I leaned back against the door, breathing heavily as I pressed my ear to listen to the sound of an engine being cut off.

The footsteps on the porch's floorboard was almost muted by the rain, but I heard them loud and clear.

I tried to take deep breaths, the ringing in my ears disrupting the silence that has descended.

I pressed my ear harder into the door, trying to hear anything from the other side.

The pounding that came seconds after startled me so much that I jumped back from the door and landed on my ass.

I sat on the floor, dumbfounded, as I looked up. The door was visibly shaking from the thumping Edward was raining on it.

I clambered to get up, my behind stinging from my fall. Once I have regained my balance, I quietly headed to the window overlooking the porch.

I moved the dusty curtain aside, hoping that the movement wouldn't catch Edward's eye.

It seemed that it didn't as he continued his vigorous knocking. I watched him for a while, focusing on the intent look on his face.

After a while, he stopped his abuse on the door and started to pace instead. The floorboards creaked under his weight as the rain pelted in the background.

I slowly retracted from the window, gingerly touching the curtain to put it back in place.

I took a deep breath and tried to gather my scattered thoughts as much as possible.

I walked a few tentative steps towards the door, my heart unexpectedly calm. I clasped the doorknob in my hand warily, the cold metal a stark contrast from my warm touch.

I turned it slowly and watched with rapid attention as the door opened between us.

Edward has stopped his pacing, his hair everywhere. His eyes were trailed on the door, looking as if he stopped breathing for a moment as I revealed myself behind the entrance.

I stepped out quietly before I closed the door behind me. Crossing my arms across my chest, I gazed up at Edward with a serious look on my face.

He looked momentarily taken aback by my reappearance, so I let him take me in before I started to demand answers from him.

We stood in silence for a few seconds, with Edward and his crazy hair all over the place and me standing tersely in front of him.

He cleared his throat a few times, his eyes bouncing all over the place. I let him compose himself, while internally, I was doing the same thing.

A few more moments of silence passed by before Edward cleared his throat again and opened his mouth to start. I refocused my eyes on him and waited.

"Bella," he started, his voice hoarse, "I'm sorry for springing it up on you like that,"

I nodded and waited for him to continue.

"And I promise you, I didn't intend for it to happen at all, but it did and I'm so sorry," his voice was a whisper by this point, his words barely heard by my straining ears.

"Was there anyone else?" I asked quietly, my head hanging with my eyes trained on his feet.

"Just Bree," he whispered back, but he could have shouted it at the top of his lungs by the way it punched me right through my gut.

I bobbed my head mutely, still not looking up to his face.

I heard Edward release a deep sigh, his hands moving towards his hair in my peripheral.

"Bella, please," he pleaded.

My head snapped to look at his face, "Please what, Edward? Please understand your predicament?" I asked sarcastically.

He swallowed audibly, the bob of his throat distracting me for a second.

"It's not like that," he said, "I was drunk and I didn't know any better."

"God, Edward," I exclaimed, "I waited for you for six months, and what? This is what awaits me here?"

"I didn't tell you to wait!" Edward cried out, "We said good bye in New York, didn't you remember? You practically forced me out of your life again, Bella. What was I supposed to do when I thought that you were living your life out there?"

I stared at him, stupefied beyond belief.

"Well, that changes things," I muttered under my breath, "a lot,"

I abruptly turned back around, intending to head back inside. Edward shot out his arm towards me and firmly grasped my hand.

I stood there, with my back facing Edward, resolve made in my mind.

"Bella," he said, his breath washing over my shoulder in warm puffs.

"Good bye, Edward," I told him, freeing my hand from his.

I walked stiffly to the door, not daring to look back at him.

I silently went in, my lip trembling from the effort of trying to reign in my tears.

The last image I had of Edward was him standing on Charlie's porch, despair etched across his face as the rain fell down from the skies.

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	27. Chapter 27

That night, Charlie came home earlier than usual. He said that the day at work was slow, _well as slow as it could get in a small town such as Forks anyway_. I didn't tell him about my run in with Edward, nor the near violence I was _almost_ a part of in the hospital.

Yet, as he crossed the threshold, the first words out of his mouth were to ask me why Edward was waiting outside in the rain.

I didn't say a word, barely acknowledged his question, really. Instead, I just glanced up at him before I continued to focus on the book currently on my lap.

Charlie sat on the recliner parallel from me, and I thought he was about to start his nightly routine of watching sports shows with a beer in his right hand all through the night.

Instead, he sat across from me and fixed me with his steely stare.

I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, but aside from that, I continued to pretend that all is fine in the world.

The silence was deafening, and for the first time ever, I wish he would have just turned on the television and focused on it, rather than on me.

I squirmed a little, my eyes blurring from staring at the book in front of me. I have been reading the same sentence for almost half of an hour now, my mind not comprehending its meaning.

"Isabella Marie," Charlie said, trying to call my attention.

I merely hummed at him, acknowledging his presence, while I hopelessly scanned the page again.

"Isabella," he tried again, this time his voice sounded somehow stricter, with more authority.

I can't help but look up and meet his gaze, my eyes immediately looking for signs that will give away if he knew what transpired between Edward and me.

Charlie quirked his eyebrow at me, his mustache moving surreptitiously.

"What?" I asked timidly, making my voice as small as possible.

"Don't what me, Isabella. Why was Edward waiting in the rain?" he asked, straight to the point.

I just shrugged my shoulders, trying to give the vibe that I didn't know why Edward was in the rain.

 _It didn't work._

I was scanning the page again, the words mixing together, forming a jumbled thought without any intelligible meaning in my mind.

Charlie huffed across from me, and I can see that he's moving to reach for the remote control on the coffee table.

I almost breathed a sigh of relief at this, but it got stuck in my throat when Charlie just held the remote in his hand, his gaze still focused on me.

"I don't know what's going on with you two, but I just hope you're not going to let whatever it is to stand in your way of happiness." Charlie said quietly, his focus moving from me to the still turned off television.

I opened my mouth a few times, my throat dry from the lack of use.

"I'm going to cut my vacation off and head to New York tomorrow evening, Dad." I said quietly, my voice enveloping the silence around us.

"What? Why?" Charlie asked, his tone shocked.

I heaved a huge sigh, willing to form the lie out of my mouth.

"It's work, Dad," I whispered, "my boss called me and said that there was an emergency."

"But you're on vacation…" he said, his tone softer, defeated.

"I know. I'm sorry, Dad. I'll try to come back this Christmas, okay?" I acquiesced, trying to placate my father.

I already felt bad about lying to Charlie, but add to the guilt that I tried to leave him just because of this stupid thing with Edward was making me feel worse.

I quietly closed the book I was pretending to read and set it on the table. I stared off into the distance, my mind a whirl of thoughts.

"It's Edward, isn't it?" Charlie asked.

I wanted to deny it, refusing to acknowledge that it has something to do with him.

When in reality, it had _everything_ to do with him.

"I…" I trailed off, not knowing how to tell my father that the same guy broke my heart again.

Charlie and I weren't emotional, by any means. My teenage life was awkward at best, with a petulant teenager and an awkward father.

He wasn't even the one who gave me the sex talk, the responsibility fell on my free- spirited mother. When given an poignant situation, Charlie would tend to just huff it off or just shrug his shoulders at me.

When I told him that I was leaving for New York three years ago, he didn't protest or anything. Not even when he learned that I was leaving without Edward. He just accepted it and hugged me tight, telling me to take care of myself.

"Bella? What is it?" Charlie asked, breaking me from my reverie.

I met his stare and took a deep breath.

"Did you know that Edward slept with someone after he called off his engagement?" I asked, my voice wavering at the end.

Charlie looked shocked, his breathing seemed to have stopped altogether.

I was afraid for my father, scared that he might suffer from a heart attack after the bomb I dropped on him.

When he looked to have resumed breathing, I gave a sigh of relief. I gave him a few more moments to collect his thoughts, but given by his reaction, he didn't know.

"That son of a bitch…" Charlie muttered under his breath, his moustache twitching as he continued to berate Edward.

"Dad," I said gently, trying to catch his attention.

"No, I didn't know about that," he said, "if I would have known, I would have shot that bastard in the face."

I was part mortified and amused by the picture Charlie painted in my head. A snort almost came out, but I held it in.

I shook my head slightly at the thought and glanced out the window. The rain was still pouring down, maybe a little harder than it was earlier. Charlie's cruiser was parked front and center on the driveway.

Upon closer inspection, I can see the outline of Edward's Volvo across the street. My breath hitched in my throat and I whipped my head back at Charlie's grumbling.

"That boy's been there since I drove in," he said, shaking his head slightly.

"I didn't know," I whispered, looking down at my lap.

"Do you want me to talk to him? Make him go away?" Charlie offered, his hands grasping the recliner's arms to stand up.

"No, Dad. Don't do that," I said, looking back to the window again.

I squinted my eyes at the car, trying to see through the drizzling rain. I remembered that the windows were tinted, so I can't see Edward.

I sighed quietly, my eyes still trained on the Volvo.

It was pathetic to run away to New York after what happened, but I just don't know how to recover from it.

Though we may have not promised anything to each other, it still hurt to think that Edward slept with someone, regardless of whether it was a drunken mistake or not, while I waited and pined for him.

For almost all of my adult life, I waited for him. Especially when I thought that he was doing the same thing for me.

 _But he didn't, he lived his life._

 _Maybe I should too._

"That boy, you still love him?" Charlie asked softly, his gaze neither judgmental nor critical.

"I don't know," I said, my voice low.

He quirked his eyebrow at me, as if challenging me to object to what it was on his mind.

"Yes," I relented, looking down at my lap again.

"As much as I hate to suggest this, why don't you talk to him?" Charlie offered.

"I don't know what to say, Dad." I started, "How do you recover from something like that?"

Charlie remained silent, his gaze focused on the window behind me. He looked to be deep in thought, his eyes glazed over as he got lost in his mind.

I trailed my eyes to the pictures on the walls. A lot were of me while I was still a child, school pictures taken from nursery to college. Some of them captured my awkward phase in high school, and some has Edward in them.

My heart clenched a little tighter at the picture tucked away at the corner. It can be easily overlooked, but it can still capture an appraising eye.

It was a picture of Charlie and Renee on their wedding day. They were at the city hall, with the judge standing behind them. My grandmother on Renee's side didn't approve of Charlie so they weren't able to get married with a bigger celebration. Yet, the look in their eyes showed how happy they were, regardless of the circumstances.

I glanced back to my dad, to the shell of the _boy_ on the picture.

Of course he looked older, the grays on his temples were a stark comparison to his dark hair. His face has lines now, especially around his eyes. His eyes didn't shine as bright as they used to, as if the life in them has dimmed.

I looked back to the picture and focused on Renee this time. I compared this Renee to the one in my head, the one I saw only a few months prior.

I think she looked almost exactly the same, maybe except for the laugh lines around her mouth. Her eyes were as bright as they were twenty years ago. The light in them didn't dim nor die, instead they seemed to have shone brighter than they ever were.

Charlie huffed across from me and I snapped my gaze to his direction. His eyes were also trained on the wedding picture on the wall, melancholy taking over his face.

"Do you still love her?" I asked him quietly, watching his face for any sign of distress.

"There isn't a day that went by that I didn't think of her, Bella," he said lowly.

My throat tightened at my father's words, my heart clenching painfully in my chest.

"Why didn't you fight for her?" I asked, almost afraid for Charlie's reaction.

This isn't something we have ever talked about. The topic was too raw, too intense for light conversation.

"She cheated on me, chose someone else over us… How do you fight a losing battle?" Charlie said, his voice gruff.

I sat stunned at his words, not knowing how to react to something like that.

I watched as Charlie stood up from his recliner, the chair protesting from the movement. He went to the direction of the kitchen, and a little while later, I heard the fridge door opening and the clinking of bottles.

My ears were ringing from the silence that has descended upon the room, my heard whirling with unanswered questions.

I looked over to the window again, the Volvo still occupying the space across our driveway. I looked closely and see that Edward had rolled down his window, and is currently looking at the house's direction. I think he hasn't seen me yet, so I was able to study his features from afar.

Nothing much has changed at all, he was still the same boy that captured my heart from the first instance. And yet, a lot has happened.

We got together and then we broke up.

He got engaged to someone else and we saw each other again.

He broke off the engagement and slept with somebody else.

Fate seemed to like to throw obstacles on our paths when it would look like things were already going our way.

It was battle of fate, will, and timing.

 _And how do you fight a losing battle?_

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	28. Chapter 28

I looked out the window, feeling calm as I view the clouds surrounding the surface. The vision was astounding, its serenity doing wonders to my thunderous thoughts.

I turned my head slightly to the right to check on my seat mate. Mrs. Mallory was an elderly lady who was flying to New York to visit her eldest child and grandchildren.

When I boarded, she was already seated, audibly vibrating with excitement. As we took off, she regaled me with tales about her daughter, Lauren, in New York and how she just gave birth to her third child.

Mrs. Mallory and her family were originally hailed from Port Angeles, but Lauren moved to New York for college. She met her husband in New York and started a family there, thus making either her or Mrs. Mallory to fly out every few months.

Mrs. Mallory was currently sleeping and I let out a small sigh of relief. She nearly talked off my ear while talking about her knitting projects and I felt bad for not listening.

I turned my attention back to the window, focusing on nothing in particular as I gazed out.

After a few seconds, I turned straight ahead and closed my eyes. I stretched languidly in my seat, for once I was thankful for my short stature as it gives me an advantage whenever I fly in business class.

After situating myself in a more comfortable manner, I let my mind wander to the past few hours.

 _Yesterday, as the rain continued to pour down, Edward remained parked in his car well into the early evening._

 _I watched from the window in my room as Edward got out of his Volvo a couple of times. He would pace in front of his car, his hand occasionally grabbing a fistful of his hair._

 _He seemed to be muttering to himself, his expression agitated._

 _My breath would catch in my throat whenever he would cross the street and walk to our front porch._

 _Yet, I never heard him knock on the door._

 _By quarter to seven, I saw Charlie going out of the house. He crossed the street quickly and rapidly tapped on Edward's tinted windows._

 _Edward looked part scared and part surprised as the window lowered. Charlie must have said something to him because he stepped out of his car cautiously._

 _I watched the two of them as they casually leaned on the Volvo's hood. They were talking in low voices so I couldn't hear anything at all. Instead, I opted to watch their faces._

 _Charlie looked mad. His face was a little red from my view and his gestures were tense. I moved my eyes to Edward and see that he looked contrite. His head was hung low and he looked like there was no energy left in him._

 _Suddenly, Edward's head snapped up and looked directly at me._

 _I was startled from the movement and was not able to move away from the window for a few seconds. We stared at each other for a while, my breath taken from me by the expression on Edward's face._

 _He looked sad, his face awash with guilt and remorse._

 _I looked away from him, feeling my tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. After gathering myself, I moved my eyes to his face again and see that he looked like he hasn't taken his eyes off of me._

 _I nodded slightly at him, my heart tugging in my chest as I saw Edward send a small smile at me._

 _I backed away from the window slowly, my gaze moving over his face as I retreated to my room._

 _I turned away from the window numbly, my resolve settled as I reached for my laptop._

 _I was just about finished buying a ticket back to New York when I heard an engine starting from below. Curious, I silently crept my way to the window to see if Edward has already left._

 _I was surprised to see that his Volvo was still parked across the street, but upon closer inspection, our driveway was empty._

 _I looked to the corner to catch the taillights of Charlie's cruiser rounding the corner._

 _I swallowed nervously, the sound reverberating through the quiet space. I was too busy looking at Charlie's lights fading into the corner that I nearly jumped when a knock crashed the silence that has descended._

 _I looked frantically to Edward's car, seeing that the engine was off and it looked like no one was inside._

 _Another knock resounded and it prompted me to shake out of my stupor._

 _I quickly went down the stairs, my foot narrowly missing the last few steps._

 _I caught myself just in time and as I stumbled to the door, I paused briefly, grasping my chest as I tried to catch my breath._

 _After my breathing has returned to normal, I gripped the doorknob tightly in my hand, the knuckles almost white from the force I have exerted._

 _My heart was beating wildly in my chest, and I'm actually nervous of what was waiting for me on the other side of the door._

 _I stood there for a few moments, my hand grasping the handle as I tried to calm my heart._

 _Once relaxed, I twisted the metal slowly, the door creaking quietly as it revealed Edward part by part._

 _He was standing on the porch, his hands wrung in front of him. He was wearing a nervous look on his face, and it gave me relief that I wasn't the only one feeling anxious._

 _His eyes were cast downwards, his feet shifting in place._

 _This is not the Edward I know._

 _In all the years I've known him, I haven't seen him look so unsure of himself. I've seen happy, in love, sad, angry, excited, and everything but never insecure._

 _His eyes slowly rose to meet mine. I was taken aback by the cautious look in them._

 _Has Charlie told him something?_

 _We stared at each other for a short while, the green and the brown both hesitant to break the silence._

 _I saw Edward trying to open his mouth a few times but no sound came out._

 _I didn't take my eyes away from him, subconsciously moving over his face, trying to remember everything._

 _The tranquility was broken by Edward's deep sigh._

 _My eyes snapped back to his and I saw the determined look on his face._

 _He took a step towards me as I remained rooted in my place._

 _There was a mere foot between us, the onslaught of Edward's scent disarming me for a second._

 _I gathered my wits and looked at Edward expectantly._

 _"_ _I'm so sorry, Bella, for everything," he quietly started._

 _I swallowed the dryness in my throat, and nodded at him to continue._

 _"_ _I should have told you about Bree right away," he continued, "I shouldn't have hidden it. I didn't know what I was thinking,"_

 _I flinched slightly at the mention of her name, another reminder that while I waited for him, he was off sleeping with somebody else._

 _"_ _And I'm really sorry about the Irina debacle, I should not have tangled you with that," he breathed lowly, "and lastly, I'm sorry for waiting for six months before I tried calling you,"_

 _Tears were edging their way into the corner of my eyes and I tried to blink them away. It was futile, as they were already gathering into a big lump waiting to fall down my cheeks._

 _"_ _I…" I trailed off, my breath stuttering, "Please answer me honestly, why didn't you call me for six months? Why did you sleep with someone else? Why, Edward?"_

 _He stood in silence, his face a mask of sadness. I looked past his shoulders onto the pouring rain behind him._

 _The night has fully settled and there was nothing but darkness and the howling wind left behind._

 _"_ _I was being honest when I told you that it was a drunken mistake when I slept with Bree," he said, "After that night, she tried to ask me out for a while and I tried to let her down gently. I didn't want to burden with you with it,"_

 _"_ _But you did anyway," I whispered under my breath._

 _"_ _I'm sorry," he said quietly._

 _"_ _Stop apologizing and answer me honestly, Edward," I told him, my voice full of bravado._

 _"_ _I was trying to sort out my life after the mess it was left in," he started, "After you left the first time, I was in shambles, I didn't know how to pick up the pieces you left behind."_

 _I released a deep breath as did Edward, and I prepared myself for the battle brimming under the surface._

 _"_ _I was mad at you; I was mad at how you just so easily left me behind. I can't understand how you can just turn away from us," Edward said lowly._

 _His words brought a sharp pang to my chest, my heart aching from his anguish._

 _"_ _I'm sorry," I told him quietly, the tears sliding down my face. I quickly ducked my head down and hastily wiped at the tears._

 _"_ _When I met Irina, I didn't want it to be serious. I didn't want to give anyone a chance to hurt me again the way you did," he continued, "After a while, I can see that she was able to see through me and I thought that that was a good thing. I thought that maybe she's someone I can spend my life with. And then, you came back," Edward swallowed inaudibly, stopping for a while to catch his breath._

 _"_ _I was so confused when I felt all these surges of feelings again when I saw you at Emmett and Rose's wedding. I loved Irina then, but when I saw you…" he trailed off, I waited, "it was like coming home. I haven't seen you for almost three years. I thought I was over you, yet as I caught a glimpse of you trying to move towards the exit, I knew right then and there that I at least had to talk to you,"_

 _I nodded numbly at Edward, my head still down while I tried to hide the tears. After making sure that no tears were visible, I looked up at him and gazed into his eyes._

 _"_ _From that moment, I knew that I had to do something. My time with you in New York was everything. I thought that that was how it was supposed to be if I had come with you." Edward smiled a little, the corner of his mouth turning up, "But I still can't do anything, I still have to severe ties with Irina. She didn't deserve to get cheated on, emotionally or otherwise."_

 _Slowly, I eased back from Edward and walked to the canopy swing set up on the front porch. I gently sat down and waited for Edward._

 _He walked towards me hesitantly, his expression asking._

 _I nodded silently at him and watched as he took a seat beside me._

 _"_ _After breaking off the engagement, I wanted to call you right away. But I knew that I had to protect you from the rumors that might start if I pursued you right away. I couldn't let them think that you're the one to cause us to break up," Edward explained, his eyes trained straight ahead._

 _"_ _Then that thing with Bree happened and I just couldn't bring you into it. I didn't want to burden you with all these things when you had a life to live," Edward said, his form tense._

 _"_ _You know what hurt the most?" I asked him quietly, my eyes unfocused in the dark, "You didn't even ask me what I wanted. You know that I would have done anything for you, Edward. I loved you with all my heart, I was willing to carry it all with you," I said, my words finishing in silence._

 _"_ _I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered beside me, his hand moving to lay on top of mine._

 _"_ _What would be saying sorry heal?" I asked rhetorically, "It won't bring back the time we've wasted, nor would it heal the hearts we've broken. All it's good for is the finality it brings to a situation,"_

 _From the corner of my eye, I see Edward looking swiftly to me. I refrained from looking at him, afraid that I might lose myself if I looked into his eyes._

 _"_ _I'm coming back to New York tomorrow," I whispered, "I want to live my life. I want to start anew, without this constant ache in my chest."_

 _I stood up silently, my shaking legs almost giving out._

 _I felt Edward coming up behind me, the heat from his body penetrating through the cold wind._

 _As his arms wound around me, I felt myself give in a little. The warmth that spread through my chest almost made me change my mind. But I fought myself. I now know that I have to do this._

 _I have to live for myself._

 _Be free for myself._

 _Then, maybe someday._

 _I turned in his arms and wrapped mine around Edward. I buried my head in his chest, listening to his heart beating under my ear._

 _After a while, I untangled my arms from him and took a step back._

 _I took his face in my hands and just gazed at him. The tenderness and resolve mixed on Edward's face almost brought tears to my eyes._

 _Slowly, Edward caressed my face in his hands and shifted his head closer._

 _My breath caught in my throat as Edward placed a gentle kiss on my lips._

 _I closed my eyes and just lived in the moment. Just this once._

 _He gently pulled back, his hands still stroking my cheeks._

 _When I opened my eyes, Edward was looking at me with a gentle expression on his face. I smiled a little at him before I moved my arms to my side._

 _With one last look, I stepped back from him and walked to the door._

 _"_ _Goodbye, Edward," I said, looking at him over my shoulder._

 _Edward nodded at me, his eyes intent on my face._

 _I quietly opened the door and stepped in._

 _I leaned against the door, my ears straining to hear the footsteps on the floorboard. I heard Edward as he took the steps down to the driveway, I could make out the sound of the Volvo's engine as Edward started it._

 _With a soft sigh, I moved to the window, watching as Edward drove off._

 _For a while, I just stood there, pondering on what just happened._

 _I said goodbye to Edward._

 _He explained his actions and I said goodbye._

 _Shaking my head, I straightened up and headed for the stairs._

 _It's time to pack up my life in Forks._

I was jostled from my thoughts when the overhead speaker announced that we were soon landing in New York.

I looked over to Mrs. Mallory again, and this time she was awake.

She was looking out the windows, a gentle smile on her face.

"Time to face the day, dear," she said.

Yes, time to face the day indeed.

 ** _AN: Thank you all so much for reading, the reviews, follows, and favorites. They are all very much appreciated._**

 ** _See you next chapter!_**


	29. Chapter 29

**EPOV**

It's been three months, four days, and seven hours since Bella left Forks.

I remember our last conversation just like it was yesterday.

The way we stood on Charlie's front porch, and the raindrops pelting against the roof as background noise.

Whenever I would close my eyes, I can still see the hurt and anguish on her face, the slight tremble in her frame.

I hated that I was the reason these expressions were etched on her face, especially when I cannot do anything about it.

I have caused it, and now I have to endure it.

I clenched my eyes shut as the ache in my chest throbbed, reminding me that she's not here anymore.

 _You're a jerk, Edward._

I know, alright. Of course, I know.

I tried calling her a few times, maybe twice or thrice, but each and every time landed me to her voicemail.

It was a clear sign to me and I didn't hold it against her at all.

I released a deep sigh and opened my eyes as I heard the door opening. My eyes immediately went to the direction of the door and I was surprised to see the startling blue eyes staring back at me.

I straightened a little in my chair and my hands automatically went to my tie, fumbling with it as Rosalie walked across the room as if she owned the place.

"Rose?" I asked, my brow furrowing at her.

"Hello, Edward," Rosalie said, rolling her eyes at me.

I watched as she went straight to the chair in front of my desk, plopping herself down before I could utter another word.

"Yes, please make yourself comfortable, Rose," I muttered sarcastically under my breath.

"Oh cut the crap, _Eddie_ ," she snapped.

"Well, to what do I owe this pleasure to?" I asked her, my voice dripping with mockery.

Rosalie arched a perfectly trimmed eyebrow at me, her lips pursing in contempt.

"You know what, Edward?" she started, her tone conceding, "you've been a piece of shit lately,"

I winced slightly at her words, especially when they hit right at the target.

 _I am a piece of shit, especially as of late._

"Can you tell me something new? Because I'm pretty sure I know that now," I told her, my own eyebrow arching at her in challenge.

Rosalie sighed, closing her eyes as if to gather herself. I turned back to the paperwork in front of me, my mind quickly shutting off anything that doesn't have anything to do with work.

 _Focus, Edward. Focus on your job. It's the only thing you've got going right now._

A few more silent minutes passed by as Rose just sat there, her eyes watching every breath I take. Her stare was unnerving, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as she penetrated me with her gaze.

I was just about to open my mouth to tell her to stop when she spoke first.

"What are you doing, Edward?" she asked, the fight in her voice suddenly lost.

"What do you mean what am I doing?" I asked in confusion, "I'm working, Rose,"

"You know that's not what I mean, shithead," she snapped at me, her bark returning.

"Then what are you exactly asking for?" I asked her, even though I have a feeling about what she wants to talk about.

"Why did you let Bella leave?" Rose asked, her eyes focusing on mine intently.

I swallowed audibly before I took a deep breath, my eyes moving past her shoulders as I looked over at the blank wall behind her.

I thought back to _that_ day again, my heart clenching painfully in my chest for a minute.

 _"_ _Let her go, Edward," Charlie said, "Let my daughter go. Let Bella live her life without you in the shadows."_

 _I sat in shock as I let Charlie's words sink in._

 _Let her go?_

 _How could I let her go again?_

"It might be the best for her, Rose," I whispered lowly, my head unconsciously lowering back to my lap.

"Bullshit," she said, "You and I both know that that's not the reason."

"Rose," I said exasperatedly, "what do you want me to say? That I wanted Bella to stay? Of course I did, I do. But…"

"What?" Rose asked, her eyes almost bulging out of her sockets.

If the situation hadn't been serious, I would have laughed off at her expression. But lately, I haven't found anything funny, or worth anything at all.

"I just…" I trailed off, not knowing how to proceed with my thoughts.

 _Let her go, Edward._

 _You've done enough damage to last a lifetime._

 _Let her live her life without you in it._

 _The way Charlie looked at me as he stood in the rain was frightening in itself._

 _I quickly scrambled to get out of the car, the raindrops catching in my hair as it fell from the sky._

 _I gulped down the dryness in my throat, the heat of anger radiating off of Charlie as we settled on the hood of the Volvo._

 _"_ _I heard that you had fucked someone else," Charlie said gruffly, his tone menacing as the anger became more apparent._

 _I flinched at his words, the effects of my stupid mistake making itself more apparent._

 _"_ _I'm sorry," I whispered under my breath, my eyes trailed on the mud on my shoes._

 _"_ _Don't apologize to me," he said, "but do me a favor, Edward. Stay away from my daughter,"_

 _"_ _Charlie?" I asked dumbly, my mind not yet processing the words that tumbled out of his mouth._

 _"_ _Let her go, Edward," he said, "Let my daughter go. Let Bella live her life without you in the shadows."_

 _My head snapped up at his words, my eyes automatically going to the second floor._

 _I caught sight of Bella looking out at us through her bedroom window. She looked pale against the darkness shrouding her figure, I thought mindlessly._

 _She quickly looked away from me, her form quivering form my view._

 _After the initial shock of seeing her standing by her window, I felt my lips tug into a small, tentative, involuntary smile. Bella smiled back at me, the action doing wonders to the thudding in my chest._

 _I watched in slight disappointment as Bella slowly retreated from her window, letting the shadows behind swallow her figure._

 _Would she want to be free from me?_

 _Could I let her go again?_

 _I thought back to my actions from months ago, how reckless I've been._

 _With Irina. With Bree._

 _Everything that I have done lately have come back to bite me in the ass. And I deserved it._

 _I was stupid, thinking that I get to bid my time. I thought that I deserved to test out the waters, figure out what I really want._

 _I know that Bella doesn't deserve any of the burdens I've unloaded on her, so maybe this will be the best for her._

 _To be finally free to live her life without me._

 _The thought pains me, but I find myself nodding at Charlie._

 _Agreeing with him._

 _Accepting that I'll remove myself from Bella's life._

 _Maybe give her the peace that she deserves._

 _Charlie clapped me on the back suddenly, shaking me out of my thoughts._

 _I didn't have time to react as he quickly stepped away from me. I just watched him as he crossed the street again and went in._

 _I stood in the rain for a few more seconds, my mind still coming to terms that I'm bound to leave Bella alone._

Rose cleared her throat loudly from across my desk, startling me out of my mind.

I looked at her with wide eyes, the ringing in my ears being chased away as I remembered where I was.

"Earth to Edward," Rose said, her eyes rolling at me again.

"I'm sorry, I just dozed off for a while," I said sheepishly, embarrassed that I have forgotten about her presence in the room.

"You sure did," she chuckled lightly, before clearing her throat again.

I watched as Rose composed herself, her face becoming serious in a matter of seconds.

"What are you doing, Edward?" she asked, her brows wrinkling in concern.

"I don't know," I mumbled, "I just don't know anymore, Rose,"

"Do you love her?" Rosalie asked quietly, almost inaudibly that I nearly missed it.

"Yes," I told her.

 _Of course._

 _I've always loved her. Even when I'm with someone else._

 _Even when I'm doing stupid things, I've always loved her even then._

"Is it enough?" she asked, her eyes gazing straight at mine.

 _Is it enough?_

 _Is love really enough for us?_

"I don't know, Rose," I said, "after everything I've gotten Bella through, would it be enough?"

I looked at Rose for guidance, my eyes pleading with her to assure me.

I wanted her to assure me that it will be enough.

I wanted it to be enough for us, for Bella and me.

"You've made a huge mess of things, Edward," Rose told me, her expression scolding.

"I know," I nodded at her, my head automatically bowing down.

"You might have to fight for everything to get to Bella again," she added, her tone condescending.

"Yeah," I agreed with her, already thinking of Charlie's wrath.

"But hey, if it's worth it, like _really_ worth it, then why not, right?" Rosalie asked as she smiled slightly at me.

 _It's worth it, I know it is._

 _And this time, I am willing to go fight for it._

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	30. Chapter 30

_**EPOV**_

After escorting Rose out to the parking lot, I went back to my office in a daze as I contemplated what we have talked about.

I know that I've been pussyfooting around lately, especially when it comes to Bella. And I know that whatever reason I give cannot justify how I've acted regarding these issues.

Releasing a deep sigh, I squeezed my eyes shut as I leaned back on my desk chair. The sound of the chair creaking as it protested against the weight was loud compared to the otherwise quiet room.

My mind kept on playing my thoughts on a loop; flashes of Bella transforming from a gawky teenager to a gorgeous young adult were constantly flaunted behind my eyelids.

I met Bella Swan when I was eighteen. We have just moved from Chicago to live closer to my grandmother, Grandma Platt, who was then suffering from Alzheimer's.

When I first saw Bella, I was sitting at the furthest corner of the school canteen with Emmett. I was already annoyed and irritated from the attention we have gathered as newcomers. I remember how every other student was craning his or her neck to catch a glimpse of us, regardless of the scowl on my face.

I can recall with perfect clarity how Bella Swan stumbled into my life.

 _The school canteen was abuzz with the chatter of the students. The whirring of the fans overhead didn't deter the noise, and it was actually annoyingly impressive that the babbling around us overrode the mechanical noise._

 _I remember looking over to the entrance, expecting to see Alice bursting through at any moment._

 _Instead, I got a flash of mahogany before it sputtered in its steps and briefly disappeared. I almost jumped from my seat to assist the girl, but I was halted from my plan when I saw Alice reach down to assist the girl, gathering the girl's arm in her tiny hands as if to steady her._

 _As they breezed through the chaotic space, the girl's face became clearer and clearer until I was able to distinguish her features._

 _The first thing I noticed about her was her big, brown eyes. They were framed with thick, long lashes that were almost sweeping the top of her blushing cheeks._

 _The second thing that caught my attention was her naturally pink lips. Her bottom lip was being punctured by her teeth, making the color in them more prominent._

 _When the girl raised her head and caught my eyes, I swear that it felt like time stood still. I never thought that it was possible, but meeting her gaze has brought more feelings than anything else I have ever experienced in my eighteen years._

 _It was like looking into another's soul without any words spoken._

 _Her gaze shot through my heart without my consent. And in that moment, I knew that I had to get to know her._

 _I was startled out of my thoughts when Alice suddenly appeared in front of me, her grinning face holding secrets I didn't want to uncover._

 _Unless it has something to do with the girl beside her…_

" _Edward!" Alice shrieked, her voice making me sit back in my chair._

 _I smiled at her briefly before I trailed my eyes off to the blushing girl standing behind her. The girl's hair was obscuring her face from my view, and as I watch her, I notice how she was wringing her hands in front of her._

 _Even from a mile, I could see that she's nervous but given my front row view, I can tell that the girl was unbelievably shy and somehow, being in our presence brings it out tenfold._

 _I gave a small smile in her direction, trying to ease her discomfort, but she wasn't looking at me. The girl was still looking at the floor, her eyes trained on her feet._

 _Alice was still talking in the background but I do not have a damned idea about what. My eyes were locked on the shy girl behind her._

" _Edward," Alice said, waving her tiny hands in front of my face._

" _Yes?" I asked her, glancing briefly at her before looking back to the girl behind her._

 _Alice suddenly pinched my side, wholly gathering my attention. I yelped slightly before fully turning my attention to her._

" _What?" I asked incredulously, rubbing at the sore spot on my side._

" _Stop staring at Bella," she hissed under her breath although her face has got this smile._

 _I blinked stupidly at Alice, trying to come up for an excuse. I came up blank and this just made Alice grin wider._

 _She rolled her eyes at me before she turned back to the girl, grabbing her arm gently before pulling her in front._

 _As the girl stumbled to regain her balance, I have come to notice that the girl was tiny in comparison to me. She barely reached my shoulder, my form completely dwarfing hers._

" _Edward, Emmett, this is Bella," Alice said, still holding on to Bella's arm._

 _Bella slowly raised her head to look at us, our eyes meeting briefly before she looked behind me to Emmett._

 _I moved a little closer to Bella, my hand reaching out to shake hers._

" _Hi, I'm Edward Cullen, Alice's cousin," I said with a gentle smile._

 _The first contact came with a bolt of undercurrent charge that shot through my arm. It wasn't exactly painful, but it left a throbbing feeling coursing through my veins._

 _Bella grasped my hand timidly in hers, her touch so soft that it felt like I was holding on to a wisp of a feather._

" _I'm Bella," she said lowly, "Bella Swan," the blush on her cheeks reddened further, the color a great contrast to her pale skin._

 _Bella Swan._

 _I smiled indulgently at her, the grin spreading across my face subconsciously. She gave a small grin of her own before her attention was caught by Emmett's boisterous personality._

 _I watched as they exchanged pleasantries, Bella blushing furiously as Emmett teased her._

 _I was in awe of her reactions, especially how she was able to blush over at anything as it seems._

After that first day, things seem to have gone along well with Bella and me.

We got to know each other over the following weeks, and it was delight on my part to learn that we shared a lot in common.

She was shy at first but as time went on, Bella seemed to come out of her shell as we learned more about each other.

It was as if I was perpetually dreaming of how good things are between us.

We became good friends in what seemed like no time at all. Bella was still painfully shy, but when we were hanging out alone, she seemed to be more of herself where she shares her thoughts with me without any preamble. We spent a lot of time together, talking about anything under the sun, learning about each other, unconsciously falling in love.

Of all the things we've talked about, it hasn't crossed my mind that it was possible to feel more for the girl in front of me. Not that I don't find her attractive because I do, wondrously so. It was just that it seemed too easy to fall for her, too natural.

For my teenaged brain that was hounded by hormones, it seemed that I should have been alarmed, or even aghast by the thought of falling for someone so easily, but I wasn't.

It was as if I knew from the deepest abyss of my being that this is how things were to be.

My mind went on to such great lengths, making me wonder if I have actually done the right thing by honoring Charlie's words.

He was Bella's father, and I understand that he wants nothing but happiness for her, but what if it doesn't have to be this way?

What if given enough time, Bella and I could finally, _finally_ , rekindle our stunted romance?

This was not the first time I have thought of that; I've had this notion even before but it seemed like things were just not in our favor back then.

It was wrong of us to not communicate with each other, to hear out what the other wanted instead of just making the decision for them. But we were too stubborn, too hard-headed to acknowledge that we were wrong.

And I want to make it right, for Bella, for myself, for _us_.

Maybe even when she has moved on, I wanted to make peace with Bella.

I wanted to finally give her the closure from our past, to free her from the heartbreak it has brought us.

I want her to be happy, maybe even if it's not with me.

I wanted to be in her life again, maybe even just as friends but the possibility of something more will never be out of my mind.

I opened my eyes to the sound of my knocking on my office door. I shifted my weight on my seat, the chair groaning again.

I glanced quickly to the clock on my desk, seeing that it's two o'clock in the afternoon.

I sat up straighter and fiddled with my tie, trying to fix it. The door opened slowly and Nurse Stanley's head peeked in.

"Your next appointment is here, Dr. Cullen," she said, smiling at me.

"Please show them in," I told her as I straightened my desk.

Nurse Stanley nodded at me before moving back to let the patient in.

I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself to hold off any thoughts regarding my personal life.

These thoughts have to take the backseat first and make room for the professional tone to take the forefront of my mind.

I plastered a friendly smile on my face as the stroller which holds a gummy toddler came into view. A man was gently pushing it into the room with Nurse Stanley walking behind them.

I collected my thoughts and stored them in my mind as I stepped into the role of Dr. Edward Cullen.

"Good afternoon, I'm Dr. Cullen," I said, stepping forward and reaching my hand out for a shake.

My day at the hospital had been long. After my two o'clock, there were two emergencies that needed my attention so I rushed in even when it was time for me to leave for the day.

By the time I was able to leave, I was exhausted beyond belief, my limbs already sore from moving all afternoon.

I drove to my apartment slowly, afraid that I might lose control behind the wheel if I dared to drive faster than what I can handle right now.

It was already dark on the road, the sky grim as rain loomed overhead.

The apartment's windows were dark when I arrived as it looked like I have forgotten to turn on the lights when I left earlier.

I slowly moved out of the car, reaching across the seat to gather my backpack before I locked up.

I quickly headed for the door as the rain had started to fall. Once the door was unlocked, I hefted my bag higher on my shoulder and went in.

I turned the lights on as I crossed the threshold, the apartment glowing from the lights overhead.

I released a deep sigh, the sound reverberating around the empty space. I unceremoniously dropped my bag on the couch as I headed to my bedroom.

After changing clothes, I reached for my discarded pants to fish for my phone.

I turned the power on as I walked back to the living room. After flopping down on the couch, I scanned through my contact list, intent on dialing the number once I've located it.

The phone rang for a few seconds, each passing moment adding to my nervousness.

"Hello?" the feminine voice asked on the other line, her tone breathless as if she ran to get to her phone.

"Mom? I'm sorry if this was a bad time to call," I said, straining to hear if I could pick up any noise from her end.

"Oh, I was just making dinner, honey," Mom assured me.

I moved to find a more comfortable position on the couch, my heart thundering in my ears as I thought of the reason why I called.

"Edward?" Mom asked when I remained silent.

I hummed at her to indicate that I was still on the line.

In all honesty, I was nervous as hell. I didn't really know what I was thinking, but I knew that somehow, I had to do this.

Nothing was really holding me back anymore, no fiancées, no obligations, no anything.

"Mom," I started, my voice unusually lower, "what do you think about me moving to New York?"

 _ **AN: Thank you for reading!**_


	31. Chapter 31

_**BPOV**_

"Hey, babe, we're still on for tonight, right?" he asked, his voice sounding a little garbled through the phone.

"Yeah," I said distractedly, my eyes scanning through the document displayed on the monitor in front of me.

"So, how's your day?" I heard him ask me quietly from the other end of the line.

The question sat for a few seconds in uncomfortable silence, my mind too preoccupied with work.

My eyes were watering from the glare of the monitor and I feel like a headache was coming. I've been sitting on my desk for a few hours now, the manuscripts raining down like thunder.

The office has been pretty hectic these past few days, my boss has acquired a whole new block of aspiring writers. And with these new writers came new manuscripts to read. And I've had the unfortunate job of scouring through them to search for a possible publishing deal.

I love my job, _really_ , but the stress that came with it was too much sometimes. I love to read and the advantage of getting paid to do it doesn't really justify my complaint, but focusing on my job makes me neglect the other aspects of my life, however unintentionally.

The prime example of it was the kind of relationships I have with the people in my life. For the longest time, I haven't had the time to get a love life, and maybe it's for the lack of trying, or maybe because I've been holding on to Edward for too long, but regardless, my job has come over it either way.

I don't resent the notion, but sometimes I wonder if I had tried harder, if I had yearned for more, maybe this part of my life would not have suffered.

"Bella?"

" _Shit!"_ Having forgotten that I was still on the phone, I was startled out of my thoughts by the voice on the other end of the line.

In my shock, I managed to bump into the cup of steaming coffee on my desk, completely soaking the papers, and my hand, with the hot liquid.

"Bella?" Hearing my name made me focus on the person on the other end of the line.

I cleared my throat subtly, my thoughts coming into focus.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just…" I trailed off, my numbing around the word.

"Busy, I know," he chuckled, the warmth that should have been there was absent.

I sighed internally, the guilt ridding me of any other thought.

 _I don't even know why he bothers; given that I haven't had much time for him lately…_

"I'm sorry," I whispered into the phone, hoping that my voice can convey how much I regret the time I _cannot_ give him.

"It's fine, babe," he assured me, his tone softening over the line.

Cringing internally at the term, I swallowed the words in my mouth and tried to look for the words that may offer him some reassurance.

"I'm really sorry," I started, "I'll try to make it up to you?"

"Sure, I'd love that," he said. I can hear the smile in his voice and it makes me feel a little warm inside.

It's not the kind of fire that can ignite your whole being, nor the kind that will leave its mark behind. Instead, it was the kind of fire that makes you feel like the embers of a flame is tickling the very edge of your being, wanting to catch your attention, although you both know that it would not be enough.

He continued to talk from his end, his voice a calming balm to my mind. I tried to catch up on what he was saying, but all I gathered were bits and pieces about his day.

I felt bad that I wasn't solely focusing on him, but by this point, my career is something that I cannot just set aside for a possible relationship.

"So, I guess I have to let you go now," he teased, maybe even sensing that I wasn't actually wholly paying attention.

"Yeah," I quietly whispered into the phone. I felt bad, but I really couldn't find an excuse nor a reason to keep him on the line while I focus on my work.

"Okay, then. I'll see you tonight," he reminded me, "Goodbye, Bella,"

"Bye, James," I whispered, "Have a good day,"

"Yeah, you too,"

After disconnecting the call, silence from the other line became a welcomed distraction. The phone was still pressed to my ear, my neck already straining from the effort of holding it in place.

I languidly set the phone down on my desk, the screen facing downwards. I can feel the heat coming off of the cover, and I pressed my palm onto it.

I looked around the room, the dullness of the ambiance making me feel melancholic.

Time has passed me by in a blur, the holidays have come and gone in a blink of an eye. I was not sure of the exact moment it happened, but before I realized it, my recent visit to Forks became a distant memory.

Charlie came to New York for Christmas. It was his surprise for me, he said. And in reality, I was actually surprised when I found him on my doorstep two days before the holiday. We mostly spent the time inside my apartment, but we occasionally went out and did some touristy stuff, like going to the Rockefeller Center to see the Christmas tree.

My dad stayed for only three days. It was not enough, but the time we spent together was precious to me, regardless of the duration.

For New Year's, Angela and Ben invited me to their apartment on the 21st Street. I had fun, I met new people, and I met James Hunter.

At first, I was hesitant to start dating again, but Angela has reminded me that it has been two months since I last heard from Edward. The last conversation Edward and I had was on my dad's front porch, when I was telling him goodbye yet again.

I didn't want to admit it, but there was a part of me, as small as it had been, that was still waiting for Edward to come after me regardless of what Charlie may or may not have told him. But as the days turned into weeks, the hope of Edward calling me was getting slimmer and slimmer until it just evaporated into thin air.

When James approached me at Angela and Ben's party, I can vividly remember how I can't look him in the eye, my shyness increasing tenfold in his presence.

I thought he was incredibly handsome, his physique reminding me a little of Edward. That thought made me second guess the idea of agreeing to go out with him, but I eventually relented due to his persistence.

James was a broker on Wall Street, his job making him develop a strong personality. I was intimidated at most times, especially when we talk about things that he was greatly passionate of. Despite this, he has never made me feel interior, nor had he made me feel that I was not deserving of his time. In fact, he actually pursued me unabatingly until I eventually gave in.

We've been going out for a month and a half now and I think that things were good. We get along well, we can talk about stuff, and despite our differences, our personalities don't clash. Sometimes I give myself enough time to think that maybe this can go on long-term, but I didn't want to hope too fast, lest I jinx us before anything actually happened.

What I liked most about being with James was that he didn't give me enough time to linger on Edward. We were always talking about my day or his, our jobs, what we were going to do for that day, or whatever else we have on that time. And I was thankful for that.

It's not like I want to just write off Edward, just forget about everything that has happened between us or anything. But I just didn't want to linger, to hold on to him anymore.

He has always been a constant in my life, regardless of where I am. He was in my every thought, and wherever I go, I was always reminded of him. and it wasn't just doing me any good anymore.

With James, I have a distraction; away from my thoughts, from what troubles my mind, away from Edward.

My day at the office had been long, my imminent headache already pounding its way to my head. My neck was feeling stiff, maybe because I have been holed up in my office for the whole day, my head positioned to be of the same level as the monitor on my desk.

As I entered my apartment, with the key still hanging from my fingers as I turn on the lights, I felt a wave of loneliness as the light gave way to the emptiness in front of me. The abundance of silence was ringing in my ears, and I wished, not for the first time, that I had someone to come home to.

I haven't really given much thought to my solitary life when I first came to New York, but as I watched the people I know build life with someone else, it gives me a pang in my chest, like I was missing out on something great.

 _Maybe that was why I gave in to James…_

I shook the thought as quickly as it came to my mind, not wanting it to plant its seed and make me analyze every move I made when it regards to my relationship with James.

He was a good guy, someone I can trust and rely to. He didn't deserve the thoughts that were bound to make their way in my mind.

I headed to my bedroom to change for my date with James. I admit that I wasn't overly excited about it, but I know that beggars can't be picky, so I swallowed whatever was left of my pride and crossed the hallway.

 _And James is a great guy,_ I thought to myself. Maybe I don't feel the chemistry between us, but so what? It's not all about chemistry anyway.

It's not like we weren't compatible. I mean, we could talk about a lot of things, he makes me laugh, and he is really, really good to me.

He may not have been my choice, but sometimes you don't get to have who you want.

Sometimes you just have to make it work with the one who found you in time of your loneliness.

 _ **AN: Thank you for reading!**_


	32. Chapter 32

**_BPOV_**

My eyes suddenly popped open, an indescribable feeling settling over me as I took in my surroundings.

The room was dark, that much I could tell. The pillow my head was resting on felt wrong, it felt hard against my cheek, the fabric coarse against my skin. I wiggled a little, trying to determine more of my surroundings. The duvet thrown over my body felt heavy, the fabric seemed thicker, starchy. It makes my skin itch a little, although not so much that it becomes uncomfortable.

My breath stuttered in my throat when a heavy arm draped over my torso from behind, my body going rigid from the sudden action. I wracked my brain for a second, trying to think back about the previous night.

I remembered coming home from work, lounging on my couch for a few minutes, inevitably falling asleep for an hour or two. The ringing of my phone woke me up, I recall. And then I scrambled to get up, took a shower, and dressed up for a night out.

 _James_.

I had a date with James.

Finally coming to my senses, I looked around the room again. With clear, unobstructed eyes, I can remember seeing the large, masculine-looking lamp adorning his bedside table, the ottoman he had at the foot of the bed, and the mirror perched on the wall. My eyes trailed down to the floor, actually just much as I could see of it, and saw the trail of clothing that leads to us. My mind went back to the date we had, how much fun I had in his company.

We talked a lot, ate good food, and had a lot of drinks. I remember James whispering in my ear later in the night, asking if I wanted to come over to his place. When we got to his apartment, we were drunkenly stumbling through the darkness, laughing along the way as we tried to find our way to his bedroom. There was kissing, lots of it, before we stumbled into bed.

The soft snoring behind me broke me out of my thoughts. I slowly shifted to move his arm from me, intending to roll over so I can look at his face.

He was sleeping soundly, his face peaceful. James had his mouth in a pout, his eyelashes fluttering across the top of his cheekbones as he dreamed behind his eyelids. I slowly reached my hand out, swiping my fingers across his cheek. The stubble felt rough against my fingers, the scratch a welcome distraction for my tumultuous thoughts.

His eyes slowly peeked open, the sleepiness apparent. I retracted my arm, watching as he became half coherent.

"Hey," James said quietly, a smile already forming on his mouth.

"Hi, I'm sorry I woke you up," I whispered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his brow furrowing a little.

I reached out to smooth the crease on his forehead, my fingers coming in contact with his smooth skin.

"Nothing's wrong," I murmured, my eyes following the motion my hand was doing on his skin.

I snuggled further into his chest, my chest heavy. Hesitantly, I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come back to me.

After making a hasty goodbye to James, I dashed off to my apartment to prepare for another day at the office.

James had wanted me to play hooky with him, but as tempting as it was, I couldn't, especially given how busy I have been these past few days. And besides, I had to get my shit sorted out at work. I can't just set it aside, knowing that my main priority should be on my career.

By the time I was at the building's lobby, I knew that today was going to be a bad day. Earlier, when I got to my apartment, the other occupants of the building were milling outside, trying to stay vigilant as there was an attempted robbery the night before and the police were investigating the place. It caused me to wait with the others outside, the clock ticking by.

When I rushed out of the apartment, there were no available cabs. I was prompted to take the subway to work, just in time for the morning rush. Helpless, I hopped down the vehicle two stations away from my stop, intending to just walk to work.

I got there twenty minutes late, with my boss almost blowing off my phone since I inadvertently forgot that we had a presentation earlier today. The elevator ride was no better, since the car was full of the other employees of the building. I was barely able to take a breath, the air stilted in the confined space.

When the elevator stopped at my floor, I was stuck in the middle of the car, the people in front of me unmoving. It didn't leave me much choice, making me almost shout out for the others to make me exit the elevator.

I briskly walked to my office, leaving out quick greeting to those I passed by. The sweet relief upon seeing my desk did not come. Instead, I felt dread washing over me as the view of my boss, Mr. Volturi, greeted me. He was standing over my desk, looking at the manuscripts I had lying around. I hurried my steps, my breath almost leaving me just so I could reach him faster.

He was tapping his foot impatiently, his arm crossed over his chest, a scowl almost permanently etched on his face.

I looked down to my feet, afraid to stumble on my way and add to my boss's foul mood.

I stopped within three feet from Mr. Volturi, my eyes still trained on the floor.

"Miss Swan," he said, his voice deep and frightening, "you're late,"

I flinched from his tone, my hands shaking at my sides.

"I'm sorry, sir," I whispered, my eyes briefly looking at his face before moving to my feet again, "it won't happen again,"

I heard Mr. Volturi huff out a breath, the air hitting me at the top of my head. From where my eyes were trailed, I could see his feet moving. Slowly, I lifted my head just in time to catch him turning for the door.

I let out a small sigh of relief, the air staggering out of me as I blindly reached for my desk. Being in my boss's presence has left me feeling a little shaken up. I stared mindlessly at the door for a few seconds, getting my mind in the right frame for work.

I released my grip on the wood and moved behind the desk, setting down my purse on the drawer at the bottom before I sat down. I cracked my knuckles and rolled my neck, preparing for the long day ahead of reading endless manuscripts.

By midmorning, James has called me, already asking for another date tonight. I declined, saying that I had a lot of work to catch up on, which was true anyway. He accepted it graciously, and it made me feel bad.

He _is_ a good guy, and it seems like he likes me enough to stay. Regardless of me putting him behind my work. He doesn't pressure me, nor does he make me choose between him over anything else.

James Hunter is a perfectly nice guy, but I just couldn't find myself to like him more than I do now. I am the one at fault, and I know that I should really tell him this before things between us get any more serious. But the problem is, I don't want to do it.

 _I don't want to be alone anymore._

It's a poor and selfish excuse, but being with him feels a lot less miserable than being alone. I have been alone for too long, so maybe, _just maybe_ , it takes time. Maybe in time, I can learn to like him more, maybe even love him.

I sigh at the thought, my chest tightening as the words enter my mind. Maybe someday, when I have finally moved on, when the hurt I have felt when everything crumbled in the past no longer lingers in my heart, maybe then I can learn to love him too.

The thought felt foreign to me, like it was something that was unfathomable. In all my life, the only person I've ever loved was the same one that has broken my heart into tiny little pieces repeatedly. He may have done it unintentionally, but the effect was still the same. I have been alone all these years because of it, because of _him_. I have held on to him for too long, even when I really had no reason to do it.

And I did it because it felt natural, it was what I was used to. I have loved him all my life and all it ever got me was heartbreak.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was so buried in my workload that I was not able to break free and get myself to eat something. My eyes were almost crossing over from staring at the monitor for the half of the day. My neck was stiff, and my arms felt sore for staying in the same position for most of the morning.

Languidly, I stretched my arms above my head, feeling exhilarated at the sound of the bones cracking. I rolled my neck from side to side, the muscles protesting at the intrusion. Closing my eyes, I tried to relax, leaning back in my chair for a quiet moment for myself.

The silence in the office was welcome, knowing that most of my colleagues have gone out for lunch. I reveled at the thought of being alone for a minute, having the peace to think things through. My mind went through the list of all the things that I have to do today, my mind already protesting even before I finished.

The quiet hum of the air conditioner was the only sound that could be heard in the office, no quiet clicking of keys, no muffled voices, no ticking of shoes. I swiveled my chair to face the window behind me. Peeking one eye open, I marveled at the busy streets below, the rushing of people fascinating me.

Life went on, regardless of what happened in my life. It does not wait for anyone; it doesn't adjust for anyone.

It goes on, whether you have yours figured out or not.

I was taken out of my musings by the soft knocking on my door. I slowly faced whoever it was, surprise probably registering on my face when I saw that it was my intern.

 _I thought everyone had gone out for lunch?_

Jane was a young woman studying English Literature at NYU. She's been a great help, offering varied opinions when I needed one and is generally a great person.

My eyes discretely moved to the clock situated on my desk and see that lunch time was over. I have been staring out the window for almost thirty minutes.

"Yes, Jane?" I asked, offering a kind smile directed at her.

"Um," she stammered, "there's a Mr. Cullen wanting to see you," she said quietly, her eyes looking down.

 _What?_

"Cullen?" I stupidly asked, my brows furrowing into a frown.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Ms. Swan. I know that he's not on your schedule but he's really persistent and-"

"Cullen?" I repeated to myself, the breath whooshing out of me at the same time.

 _It can't be._

"Yes, Ms. Swan, there's an Edward Cullen waiting at the lobby for you," Jane told me in a whisper, her eyes looking at my face.

I nodded mutely, too stunned for words.

I watched Jane as she scrambled out of my office, probably to fetch the _elusive_ Mr. Cullen.

I straightened my back against the chair, pushing air into my lungs. I counted to ten in my head before breathing it out, the tension that has accumulated in the short span of time _almost_ leaving my body.

I steeple my fingers under my chin and waited, with bated breath, for Edward to come.

 _ **AN: Thank you for reading!**_


	33. Chapter 33

**BPOV**

I willed my eyes to focus on the monitor in front of me, the words on screen mocking me as I tried to read them. My neck was getting stiff from trying to not move as much as possible, lest I appear nervous, which I am, indefinitely.

Without my consent, my gaze trailed to the door again, my mind internally counting down the seconds that has passed since I have been informed that an Edward Cullen was waiting for me at the lobby.

 _It's been what, three minutes? What's taking them so long?_

I huffed out a breath, annoyed at Edward, and at myself but especially him, since he's making me feel this way _again_. As always.

I grumbled under my breath, irritation seeping in as the seconds passed by. I refocused my attention on the manuscript displayed on the screen again, this time making some changes to it, my fingers pounding a little too hard on the keyboard.

It is unfair of me, but it cannot be helped that my annoyance on the matter at hand was being reflected to the manuscript I was trying to read. The exasperation was coursing through my system however unjust it may be.

Finally, _finally_ , I was brought out of my pseudo concentration by a few voices outside the door. I strained my ear to hear them better, but their words were being muffled by the heavy oak my office door was made of.

I was almost falling out of my chair when I heard the doorknob being turned, the voices now silent. I scrambled to straighten up and appear to be focusing on my job rather than on the quiet exchange on the other side of the door.

With my back ramrod straight and my eyes firmly on the screen, I looked like the poster child for diligence at work, while buzzing butterflies were actually present in the pit of my stomach.

"Miss Swan?"

I slowly, _very slowly,_ moved my eyes to the face of my intern, as if I wasn't aware that Edward Cullen is standing in the entrance of my office.

"Yes?" I asked nonchalantly, my voice almost giving me away with the way it quivered a little in the end.

"Mr. Cullen is here to see you," Jane said timidly, her cheeks glowing bright red.

I looked at her quizzically, wondering why she's reacting that way.

A throat clearing brought me out of my musings, its owner shifting a little in his place. Unconsciously, my body swiveled in the chair to face him, my eyes locked on his feet.

I may have stared for a bit too long because the feet shuffled again, this time looking as if he's backing out of the room. I blinked, once, twice, willing my bravado to come back.

Once I have gathered myself, I slowly trailed my eyes up towards his legs, following the ascend to his torso. The expanse of his chest distracted me for a bit, the broadness making me feel the warmth coming up to my cheeks.

Shaking my head, I continued my path, fascinated as his mouth came in to view.

It was formed into his signature crooked smile, the one that has sent my heart beating a little too fast years ago. I gulped down the dryness in my throat, the feeling leaving a lingering taste in my tongue.

Finally, my eyes slowly rose to meet his, green and brown meeting again.

There is so much history that has happened between us, and in that one small moment, the instant our eyes met, it felt like everything came crashing back.

The way we loved a little too hard, the crash that came when we were too late to realize it, and how we've, _I've,_ struggled to pull through the consequences. These things brought back feelings I have always tried to overcome, _things I'm still trying to get over from,_ and seeing Edward again makes it feel like these feelings were trying to get out of my chest.

I was afraid that the thundering of my heart could be heard resonating all over the quiet room, but Edward did not seem to hear it so I set that thought aside and focused on the what was in front of me.

Edward was looking at me intently, his green eyes scrutinizing my every feature. I shifted a little in place, quite unnerved by the intensity behind his gaze.

The heat on my cheeks brightened, my hands hovering uselessly in front of me. Edward cleared his throat quietly, prompting me to stand abruptly. The chair I was sitting in banged against the bookshelf behind me, momentarily distracting me from Edward. I looked back to the shelf, making sure that the force of the chair didn't disrupt or cause damage to anything behind me.

"Bella."

I whipped my head back to Edward's direction, the sudden movement causing me to be a little dizzy. I stumbled slightly to my chair, my hand gripping the leather tightly to keep my balance.

"Hey," Edward said, his brow furrowing, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," I muttered, "just a little dizzy, I guess."

Edward frowned at me, his eyes locked on the leather tightly grasped in my hand. Instinctively, I released the chair and moved around the desk.

"Is this a bad time?" he asked, looking at my face again.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry," I said. "Let's take a seat here,"

I directed Edward to the leather couch on the far end of my office, overlooking the city below. He followed behind quietly, and from the corner of my eye, I could see him surreptitiously looking around my office.

I sat down on the far left side of the couch, giving Edward enough space for himself. I watched him as he gracefully sat down on the other end, his body facing towards my direction as he settled down.

He cleared his throat again and I waited for him to begin.

"Sorry for dropping by unannounced," he started, his hand going behind his head to scratch at his neck.

I watched him still for a second, trying to gather my thoughts so as not to just blurt out anything that would come to my mind.

"It's fine," I muttered, gulping down the nerves that suddenly enveloped me. "So, what brings you here, Edward?"

He startled for a moment, as if he was shocked that I went straight to the point.

 _I guess there's no point in beating around the bush._

"Well, I wanted to see you," he started. "You know, talk about things,"

T _alk about things? He flew all the way to New York to talk about things?_

"Um, what exactly?" I asked him, my brows creasing together.

He looked incredulity at me, confusion coloring his face.

"Are you satisfied with how we left things between us?" he asked. "Because I know that we have a lot to work through but I really think that if we just-"

"Edward," I interrupted him, my mouth opening without my consent, "I'm seeing someone."

I watched as my words sunk in Edward's mind, realization settling on his face.

"Oh," he uttered under his breath.

I inhaled deeply, coming to terms that Edward flew to New York to work things out with me. If this had happened maybe three months ago, I would have been ecstatic. I would have felt utter joy, knowing that _he_ came after me all along.

But this is not three months ago. This is now, and now, it felt like he should no longer have a hold on me, regardless of whatever effort he may have extorted.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "It's just that, it's been months, Edward. I never thought that you'd come after me, three months _later_ ,"

In my periphery, I saw Edward hang his head, his eyes trailed downwards. The tension in his shoulders didn't diminish, his arms straining against the couch. I idly wondered if he's alright, and briefly considered to offer him a drink or anything.

I was about to just do that when Edward leaned further on his knees, his head resting on his arms across his thighs. I just sat back in my seat, my mind running a million thoughts all at once.

 _Is this some wicked game fate was throwing at us?_

 _Why now? Why when I was willing to work it out with someone else, why did Edward have to show up again?_

We sat in silence for a while, the both of us lost in our own thoughts.

Still resting his head down, Edward said something but I wasn't able to hear it since his words were muffled by his arms.

"What?" I asked him to clarify.

He raised his head slowly, coming to face in my direction. I looked on as he settled himself on the couch again, his body facing me.

"Are you happy, Bella?" he asked, his face devoid of any emotion.

I looked at his face, his eyes were as lush as a freshly cut meadow. He was very good at hiding whatever he was feeling beneath the surface.

"Yes," I said quietly, willing my eyes to stay on his, lest I look apprehensive.

I knew that Edward could read me like an open book, and he might have been testing me, so I gathered all the courage I could find within me and tried not to fidget in place.

He looked at me for a few more seconds before slowly moving his eyes away from me, nodding to himself as he turned to gaze around the room.

"So," I said slowly, looking at the side of Edward's face, "how long are you going to be in New York?"

I watched as he swallowed down his throat, his sharp jaw tensing as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm moving here," he answered lowly, _so lowly,_ that I might have not heard it if it weren't for the silence in the room.

 _What?_

"You? You're moving to New York?" I asked stupidly, my mind still not registering the thought.

"Yes," he said, suddenly turning to face me again and giving me a smirk.

"Why?" I asked without giving it some thought.

"Forks isn't really doing it for me anymore, Bella," he teased, looking as if he didn't mind my sudden interrogation.

"Why?" I repeated, still stupefied by the news he unloaded on me.

"I needed a fresh start," he explained. "And I thought, why not come to the big city and see what the fuss was all about?"

I nodded mutely, not knowing how to comprehend what Edward has just said.

He's moving to New York, something that I've wanted him to do since I first got this job, back when we were together.

I don't know how to feel about it now, especially when things were still so complicated between us, even if we have broken up for years.

Still, the thought that he's going to be in the same city as me, that he's going to be just a call away, ignites a fire in the stomach that I cannot just deny.

But then I'm reminded that there's someone else now.

So how am I going to react, knowing that Edward is now _here_ , and yet I couldn't really just be with him?

Edward interrupted my thoughts with his words, although I haven't heard everything he said, what I caught were enough to get my attention.

"What did you say again?" I asked him for clarification, not wanting to assume if I've heard him correctly.

"I said," he smirked at me, "maybe we could try to be friends again, Bella,"

 _Us, friends?_

"What?" I furrowed my brows at the thought.

"What's wrong with it? We were good friends before we got together, so why not?" he reasoned.

I foolishly thought back, and knew that Edward was right. We were good friends even before we fell in love, so maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

"You're right," I muttered, "maybe we could try to be friends,"

"Not try, Bella," he said quietly, "we're _going_ to be friends,"

"Okay," I agreed, my head nodding at him.

Edward smiled impishly at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners. I can't help but grin back at him, despite my earlier reluctance at his suggestion.

"Well," Edward started, slapping his hands against his thighs before he stood, his form now towering over me, "I better get going now,"

"Oh, okay," I stood too, and started to walk him towards the door.

Before his frame could pass through the door, Edward turned to look at me again, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"I'll see you around, _friend,_ " Edward said, smiling roguishly at me before he turned back to leave.

My laughter bubbled out of my mouth, the sound meeting nothing but the heavy oak door as it closed behind Edward.

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	34. Chapter 34

"Stupid," I muttered under my breath.

The dark-colored door stood closed behind Edward, mocking me. I tried not to glare at it, but as immature and irrational as it may be, I can't help but feel a slight disdain towards the unmoving object.

Edward has left my office through the _stupid_ door approximately a minute ago. I haven't moved from my spot behind the desk, my eyes still trained on the heavy door.

 _Stupid, stupid Bella._

 _Why did I say that?_

Groaning, I hung my head and placed them on my forearms. I could have gone a day without disrupting Edward in the middle of his speech to say that I am currently seeing someone. Regardless of how serious it may be, I should have waited for him to finish, instead of just assuming.

 _Typical Bella._

With my head still down, I continued to mutter curses under my breath, most which was directed at myself.

After a few moments of my muffled cursing, the sound of a soft knock on the door disrupted me from my tirade. The sound was loud in the quiet room, its echo reverberating through the unoccupied space.

"Come in," I said, my head still resting on my forearms.

I assumed that the person on the other side was Jane, who was surely about to remind me of something that I have to accomplish this afternoon. I muffled my groan, no wanting to work anymore.

I heard the door opening slowly, whoever was on the other side seemed apprehensive.

"Do you want to go out for coffee?"

My head whipped up so fast that I briefly wondered if I might be able to snap my neck. _That_ voice does not belong to my intern.

"Edward?" I asked, rather stupidly, since it was obvious that it is _Edward Cullen_ standing in my doorway.

'Hi," he grinned sheepishly, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

"Hello," I said automatically. "What are you still doing here?"

My question seemed to have taken him aback, his face registering surprise before he was able to mask his features.

"I, uh," he stammered, stepping back into the office. His hand moved to scratch at the back of his neck.

I watched his movements like a hawk, my mind still processing that he came back.

 _Edward came back._

 _For coffee, it seems._

"Edward?" I said, trying to get his attention.

"Yeah," he answered, his eyes going to my face. "Would you like to have coffee with me, Bella?"

"Now?" I clarified.

"Yes, please," he smiled, which prompted me to give him one of my own.

I looked around my desk, the clutter taking up most of the space. The empty mug of coffee sits beside my keyboard, the contents long drained. I contemplated for a few seconds even if I knew what my answer was going to be.

"Sure," I said, a small smile lingering on my lips. "Just give me a sec to straighten up here."

Edward's answering smile was infectious, fascinating me with the way it made his face glow.

I hastily saved the document that was currently on my screen, all the while checking the items on my desk. After making sure that everything was where as it should be, I grabbed my purse from under the table and turned to Edward.

"Ready?" he asked, still smiling at me.

"Yeah," I nodded at him, walking around the desk to stand beside him.

We quietly walked out of my office side by side, with some heads turning our way. One in particular caught my attention.

Angela gawked at us as we passed by her desk, her face a perfect picture of shock. I quickly turned my gaze away from her and focused on the elevator doors at the end of the hall; I didn't want her to question me with Edward nearby.

The elevator ride was a tad bit uncomfortable, since the car was empty except for the two of us. We didn't speak, we merely stood next to each other with a few inches between us. The tension inside was almost palpable, I wanted to ask Edward how he's been, and why he's really in New York, but it felt like it would have ruined the ease we had back in my office if I opened my mouth.

Finally, after a few more moments of tense silence, we have reached the building's lobby. Edward directed me outside and to this little café hidden between the tall buildings.

He offered to buy me coffee and I almost declined but when I saw the look on his face, it deterred me to do so. Instead, I now sat at a table in the corner of the shop, watching as Edward ordered at the counter.

My eyes inevitably trailed along his body, now noticing the way he was dressed. He was wearing this green shirt that matches the color of his eyes paired with chino pants that hugs him in tantalizing ways.

I gulped down the dryness in my throat, and I knew that if I hadn't been so shocked at his sudden appearance earlier, my heart would have jumped in my chest upon seeing him.

In the exact same manner as it is doing now.

I cannot take my eyes off of him, the way he moves, so graceful and sure, and his smile, the one that says he's genuinely nice. His hair was casting a variation between shades of brown and red, the colors captivating my interest.

Suddenly, Edward turned to look at me and when he saw that I was watching him, he gave me the crooked smile that I loved the most.

I could feel my heart thumping in my chest, my cheeks heating up over the embarrassment of being caught.

Edward chuckled lightly, the sound so faint that I could not have heard it if I weren't paying enough attention.

I averted my eyes away from his form, travelling over to the artworks on the other side instead.

The colors were vibrant, probably made to elicit the feel of liveliness from those who would gaze upon it. It would have had that effect on me if it weren't for the man wearing a green shirt standing by the counter.

I covertly moved my eyes to look at the counter again and see that Edward was done ordering and is making his way towards me.

I angled my body towards the paintings on the wall, determined to act as if I wasn't watching his every move.

"Hey," Edward said, his voice close to my ear.

I looked to him slowly, almost jumping back in my seat as I noticed just how close he was. His face was a hairsbreadth away from mine, his nose almost skimming the side of my face.

I'm embarrassed to think that he could hear the beat of my heart, as it seemed like it was pounding loudly in my chest. My breaths were coming in short spurts, the air probably hitting Edward in the face. I averted my face from him slightly, prompting eyes to move back to the portrait I was looking at earlier.

With the color high on my cheeks, I tried to hold my breath, wiling my heart to calm down. The struggle must have been evident on my face because I could hear Edward chuckling near my ear.

Irritation blossomed in my chest, making me to fully turn towards Edward.

"What?" he asked, his lips twitching as he tried to control his laughter.

I just rolled my eyes at him, even flipped my hair in his direction.

This made Edward laugh hard, like a full belly laugh that caused the other customers to look at us.

"Just sit down," I told him, looking around the shop to see that people, mostly women, were still looking at Edward.

This irrational feeling suddenly coursed through me, making me shift my chair closer to Edward's. I looked covertly at him trying to see if he's noticed how the women within the vicinity were looking at him.

Edward was looking at the side of my face, his expression unreadable. I turned to face him fully, quirking my eyebrow as I did so.

"What?" I asked him, feeling self-conscious as he continued to stare me.

"Nothing," he smiled, looking down briefly at his cup. "Here, I got you coffee, just the way you liked it."

He pushed a cup of steaming black coffee with just a tiny hint of milk in my direction, the aroma filling my senses.

"Thanks," I muttered, reaching for the sugar.

We sat in silence for a while, the both of us simply enjoying our cups of coffee.

I watched as Edward seemingly looked like he was content, like no words could ever describe what he was feeling at the moment.

I envy him, given how conflicted I feel right now as I sit beside him.

Staring down at my cup, I watched as the liquid swirled around, creating an endless loop of dark depth.

"Did you know that your eyes are like the sweetest caramel coffee?" Edward asked quietly.

I looked up at him, startled at the way he phrased his question. He turned to me and smiled before he looked down again.

"It's just, you have the sweetest gaze I've ever stumbled upon, ever." He said, looking up at me through his lashes.

I'm pretty sure I'm the color of a ripe tomato now, the heat in my cheeks uncontainable.

"Shut up," I said, clearing my throat.

Edward chuckled lightly at me, his eyes looking directly at mine. My gaze went back to the painting on the wall, the one with the portrait of a lady looking over a window. The way the colors blended creates a mystifying look of the breaking horizon at the background, giving the focal point of the picture look serene.

I turned my attention back to Edward after a second, to find him looking at the picture too. I could see that his eyes were moving over every detail, his face serious.

"So," I started, trying to catch Edward's attention, "what have you been up to lately?"

He quirked his eyebrow at me before he began speaking.

"Well, I've been cutting loose ends in Forks lately," he said, smirking at me.

I rolled my eyes again, catching my tongue just in time before I demanded that he should take me seriously.

"Obviously," I scoffed, "but what made you decide to leave Forks and come here?"

Edward didn't seem surprised with my line of questioning, it actually looked like he was expecting it from me.

He just looked at me for a while, his eyes roaming all over my face before he answered.

"I just figured I needed a new start," he shrugged.

"Why?" I insisted, getting a little impatient.

"Because," he simply said, as if the matter was as innocent as a choice between yes or no.

"Edward," I sighed, exasperated.

"Are you sure you really want to hear this?" he asked, his brows furrowing.

I nodded mutely, waiting for him to start.

"I moved to New York because I don't want to miss another chance," he said.

"With what?" my brows wrinkled in confusion.

"With us, Bella," he breathed, "I don't want years to pass us by again, not this time,"

"But I'm-"

"I know," he interrupted, "You're seeing someone, I know."

I gulped down inaudibly, my mind swimming with different scenarios of what would have happened if Edward had come after me earlier.

I can't deny that these images in my mind were giving way to butterflies in my stomach, making me wish for him to have gone sooner.

 _Maybe we would have worked things through, or maybe not._

 _Maybe we would have been able to start anew, without all the pain and hurt we've caused each other._

 _Maybe we could have been happy together now, having outgrown our immaturities._

But regardless of all the maybes and what ifs swirling through my mind right now, it still cannot shake off the fact that he didn't.

 _That he's let time come between us again._

Edward's hand gripped mine on the table, the warmth from him spreading through my arm and travelling to my chest.

I turned my palm up, weaving my fingers through his. He squeezed my hand in his, the feeling akin to the tightness surrounding my heart.

With our eyes trained on each other, the silence between us wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It speaks for us, how time and time again, we always seem to miss our chance.

 _I know,_ I thought.

 _I know exactly how you feel, Edward._

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**

 ** _P.S._**

 ** _sri ffn and purpleC305 are hosting the P.S. I Love You contest! Submissions will start on Nov. 5, 2016. For more details, you could go to their fanfiction page and/or Facebook account._**

 ** _Hope to see you there! :)_**


	35. Chapter 35

The quiet buzz around us brought me out of our trance, the restaurant's busy crowd suddenly penetrating through my mind.

Slowly, I released my fingers from the hold they had on Edward, my grip loosening as I covertly moved my hand away. I refrained from meeting his eyes, afraid of what I might see in the green orbs that I could feel roving all over my face.

I looked around nervously, suddenly feeling conscious about the people milling around.

 _What was I thinking?_

Still avoiding Edward's gaze, my eyes bounced all over the place instead as I tried to gather my thoughts.

"What am I doing?" I asked myself lowly, my head hanging on my shoulders.

"Bella?"

Without thinking, I looked up.

Edward's face was a mask of confusion, his brows creating a crease on his forehead. His eyes were searching mine, and whatever he saw must have been something that upsets him since his frown deepened, his mouth straightening into a line.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, and I watched as his hand moved as if he wanted to grasp mine back.

I subtly shook my head at my own idiocy, my eyes casting down again after I looked at Edward fleetingly.

"I fucked up," I whispered, my eyes tracing the pattern on the table.

"Was it something that I did?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

"I…" trailing off, I found the courage to look back up to Edward, my eyes meeting his head on. "What do you want from me, Edward?"

I watched as he took a deep breath, his features schooling into a mask of indifference.

"I want you back in my life, Bella," he said, "In whatever capacity you can give,"

I swallowed inaudibly at his words, the blood rushing in my ears as they thrummed in my veins.

"What?" I asked incoherently, "Why? Why now?"

"Because," he started, "I've already wasted too much time without you. I don't want to go on with my life without you anymore,"

"I'm-"

"Dating someone, I know," he cut off, "Whatever you can give me, Bella,"

"Even if we could only be friends?" I asked, my brow quirked, teasing him.

"Yes," he grinned at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

I nodded at him silently, my mind running through his words repeatedly.

 _He wants me in his life. Even just as friends._

But what if _I_ don't want to be just friends?

Heaving a sigh, I went back to drinking my now cold coffee, the taste bitter in my mouth.

"But that doesn't mean I'll stop trying, Bella Swan," Edward said, winking at me. I blushed furiously at his words, my mouth probably gaping at him.

Once I've gathered my composure, I watched as Edward took a sip form his own cup almost nonchalantly, a slight grimace appearing on his face as the liquid touched his lips.

Minutes passed by, the both of us in our own worlds.

The silence was occasionally interrupted by mundane questions, either from Edward or me, mostly about how work was going, or any other irrelevant thought.

I reveled at how comfortable we were in each other's presence, even as silent as we were.

 _I just hope that this would last, with Edward back in my life._

 _In whatever capacity._

I've been in a daze since I've come back to the office from my coffee run with Edward.

The workload was piling on my desk again, as if I've been gone for weeks instead of just a few minutes.

After quickly discarding my purse, I dived headlong into the manuscripts, determined to finish everything before the week ends.

I got my head buried in work when a knock on the door took me away from my computer's screen.

"Come in," I said, just loud enough for whoever it was on the other end of the door.

I heard the door open after a few seconds, the sound of it closing reverberating in the quiet room.

I didn't look up from the screen, waiting for whoever it was to start speaking.

"So, I guess that guy in your office earlier was the infamous Edward Cullen," she said, her tone not covering nor hiding her annoyance.

"Well, hello to you too, Angela," I greeted, the cheekiness in my tone apparent.

"Don't, Bella," she warned, "what the hell is he doing here?"

"I don't really know, Ange," I shrugged, huffing out a breath.

"You need to stay away from him," she said.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed at her, my eyes going wide at her words.

"He's bad news, Bella," she explained, "I just hate to think of what would happen to you when he leaves again,"

" _If,_ " I emphasized, "and I don't think he will,"

"It's what he does," Angela said, "Based on what you told me, anyway."

"Why don't _I_ give him the benefit of the doubt?" I asked, my irritation barely concealed.

"Why? Besides, you're dating James, who's a great guy, by the way," she continued, seemingly oblivious to my somewhat unreasonable chagrin.

"Angela," I started, taking a deep breath as I tried to school my features. "Please let me figure this out on my own,"

"Oh," she whispered, "Oh, okay. I'm sorry, Bella,"

"It's fine," I muttered, smiling slightly at her to show that I'm not _that_ mad.

I expected Angela to leave my office after her little tirade, but no, she walked over to my desk and sat down on the chair in front of me.

I surreptitiously watched her from the corner of my eye, waiting for her to start talking again.

Angela didn't disappoint, as she started talking again after a few moments of silence.

"He's gorgeous, by the way," she started, "Edward, I mean,"

I wanted to laugh, because of course he is.

But I don't think this situation calls for my misguided humor.

"But," she continued, "Please, please be careful, Bella,"

My gaze softened slightly, actually feeling a little tenderness at how Angela's been looking out for me.

"I know how you were when you came back from Forks all those months ago, and I don't want that to happen again."

"I'm sorry," I muttered under my breath.

"No, don't apologize to me," she chuckled, arranging her face into a semblance of seriousness after a few seconds. "I just don't want you to be hurt again,"

I nodded mutely at that, actually thinking of the same thing.

Angela smiled affectionately at me, and despite her overbearing ways, I feel grateful that she's been nice to me all along.

"I promise, Ange," I told her with as much conviction as I can muster. "And besides, I don't plan to just drop everything for him,"

"Good," she smirked, "Make him work for it this time. And besides, you still have James to think about,"

Angela's subtle reminder that I have someone else in my life now puts everything into perspective.

I mean, it's not like I could just drop him like a hot potato.

He's been really good to me, despite my shortcomings, something that I just couldn't discard.

And although I don't feel for him as deep as I feel for Edward, maybe it won't always be that way.

Maybe someday I could love him the way I _loved_ Edward.

But what if I won't be able to do so?

What if for the rest of my life all I'll ever have is this encompassing love for Edward?

These thoughts were confusing the hell out of me, the pounding in my head adding to the burden.

I looked over to where Angela still sat, her eyes watching my face.

I tried to give her a small smile, but I think it came out more like a grimace.

"Well," Angela said, slapping her hands on her thighs as she stood, "I better get going,"

"Yeah, thanks for stopping by," I told her.

"No problem," she said, winking playfully at me.

I laughed out loud at her, the ridiculousness of the situation finally getting to me.

 _I can't believe Angela came over in the middle of a busy day at work just to reprimand me about Edward._

I have just refocused on my computer screen when Angela called out from the doorway.

"Maybe I'll have to meet this Edward before you take things farther with him,"

I gaped at the closing door, Angela's cackling could be heard from the other side.

Shaking myself out of my stupor, I went back to the workload in front of me.

The rest of my day at the office had been long. There was so much to do in a short span of time. It's actually a miracle that I haven't started taking home manuscripts yet.

My neck was aching again and my back was sore for spending the afternoon holed up in my office, slouching over the desk.

I discarded my purse on the end table as I passed by the living room, intent on taking a bath first before having dinner.

I was headed to my bedroom when a vibration in my pant leg caused me to stop.

Confused, I fished out my phone and looked at the screen.

 ** _Hey, u home?_**

 ** _-E_**

I could feel an involuntary smile creeping up on my face at the message. I feel like a stupid idiot smiling in the middle of an empty hallway.

Without thinking, I typed out a reply.

 ** _Yes, why?_**

 ** _-B_**

I stood there for a few seconds, holding my phone tightly in my hand. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest, quite excited at the prospect of Edward _possibly_ coming over.

Mentally, I checked over the status of my apartment.

 _Did I leave any stray clothes on the floor?_

 _Would there be enough food for us?_

 _Maybe we could watch a movie, drink some wine-_

The ringing of my phone startled me so that I almost dropped it. Clutching my racing heart with my free hand, I checked the screen and see that Edward is calling.

"Hello?" I greeted, the throbbing of my heart reverberating through my ears.

"Hey," he said breathlessly, the tone jovial.

"So," I trailed off, "What do you want?"

"Well," he chuckled, "I was wondering if I could come over,"

"Oh, I don't think I have enough to feed you," I teased, smiling.

"I'll bring some takeout, my treat," Edward said.

"You know I can't resist some takeout," I laughed, the sound almost carefree.

"I'll be there in an hour, is that okay?" he asked. I could hear movements from his end of the line, probably in his apartment.

"Yes," I told him, "I'll see you in an hour,"

"Is Mexican okay?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I chuckled at him, at us, at how mundane this conversation is. As if we've done this a thousand times.

"Okay," he snickered, "I'll see you soon, Bella,"

"Yup, bye," I whispered.

 _I can't wait to see you._

The call disconnected immediately, the dial tone beeping in my ear. I took the phone away from my face and smiled at it indulgently, feeling utterly ridiculous at how I've reacted.

After a few more moments of smiling like an idiot in love, I've gathered my senses and moved to my bedroom to retrieve my towel.

Once I've retrieved my towel and some comfortable clothes, I went for the bathroom.

I opened the faucet, and filled up the bath. I poured some bath scented oils too, going for lavender this time.

I loved how it made my skin smell.

Without further ado, I took off my clothes and hopped in the bath.

The warm water was relaxing against my muscles, the scent filling the air.

I breathed it in deeply, letting the scent wash over me.

Closing my eyes, I let my mind linger for a while.

The thoughts came naturally to me, about Edward and me, about James. I don't even know what to think of Edward wanting to come over right now, but I've decided to just let things happen.

 _Let the chips fall where they may._

Soon, the water turned cold, prompting me to get out of the tub.

I ran the towel all over my skin, drying off my thick hair aggressively. I quickly got dressed, noticing how the hour was almost up.

 _Edward could be here any minute._

I was just reaching for my hairbrush when my doorbell rang.

 _Speak of the devil,_ I snickered to myself.

I almost ran to the door in my haste, excited to see Edward again even though we've spent some time together earlier.

The butterflies in my stomach were unavoidable, almost taking over my body.

"Coming!" I shouted when he rang again.

 _Impatient man._

Finally, the deadlock gave way, and I swung the door open.

The smile that was plastered on my face quickly formed into one of shock.

"Surprise," he said, holding up three bags of Chinese takeout.

"James?"

 _ **AN: Thank you for reading!**_


	36. Chapter 36

"Hey, are you okay?" James asked, concern marring his features.

I nodded mutely at him, my face still bearing the shock I had upon seeing _him_ at the door.

I tried to open my mouth a few times, but no sound would come out. It seemed like they were all stuck in my throat, just like my breath.

I blinked at James, my mouth still gaping.

I watched as he cleared his throat, his hand going up to scratch at his neck.

"Um," I said after a few tries, "Come in," _I guess._

James grinned at me and I moved aside to let him pass through.

Discreetly, turned back to look at James. I see that he went straight to the kitchen, probably to discard the plastic bags he brought. Satisfied that he won't see me, I walked over to the threshold quickly and poked my head out to the corridor. I looked at both directions, but was met with nothing but an empty hallway.

Sighing deeply, I closed the door behind me.

I found James still in the kitchen, his back turned to me. I could see that he was rummaging through his bags, most likely arranging what he ordered.

He must have felt my presence behind him because he turned slowly, a grin on his face.

"Hey,"

"Hi," I greeted, forcing a slight smile to grace my face.

"So, I know that this is a bit of a surprise, and you said that we can't go out tonight, so I decided that we could just stay in?" James asked, holding up a container of Chinese food. The aroma wafted across my nose, making my stomach grumble.

I nodded stupidly at him as I was preoccupied with the thought of food. I remembered that I haven't had anything for lunch today, making me feel ravenous.

My mouth was practically salivating over what James was brandishing in front of me.

He led me over to the living room, sitting in the middle of my couch.

I had no choice but to sit beside him, unless I wanted to make him feel bad and sit on the lone chair opposite him.

I watched as James seemed to just fit right into my environment, how comfortable he looked sitting in the middle of my living room, his feet propped up on my coffee table, and dinner perched on his lap.

It didn't feel right for _me_.

He was too blond, too rough on the edges for me.

I shook my head at myself, feeling stupid.

Just then, the doorbell rang, setting my heart into an erratic jump.

 _Shit, what do I do?_

I scrambled to get up when I saw James moving too. Haphazardly throwing my dinner on the coffee table, I almost tripped twice as I tried to get the door.

"Do you want me to get the door?" James asked, chuckling at my expense.

"No," I said curtly, "I'll get it,"

I didn't wait for him to say anything, instead I continued my way to the door, anxious to open it.

After unlocking the deadbolt for the second time tonight, I was greeted with Edward's smiling face on the other side.

"Hi," he greeted, his smile getting wider.

"Hi," I whispered, inconspicuously looking behind me.

I pulled the door closer to my body, hiding the room where James lay comfortably.

"Is something wrong?" Edward asked. "I'm sorry if it took me longer than expected, I got a little lost on my way here…"

"It's okay," I reassured him. "It's just that-"

"Babe, who's at the door?" James asked from the living room. I winced at his words, worried how Edward will perceive them.

Shock was written all over his face, the smile quickly dissipating.

"Maybe I should go," Edward muttered under his breath, his body moving backwards.

"No!" I exclaimed, reaching my hand out to grab his arm.

"Bella…" he said, trailing off.

"Edward, come on-" I started but was rudely interrupted by the door opening widely.

James strode out confidently, his arm slinging over my shoulder without a care.

I grimaced slightly, my eyes still trained on Edward.

"Hey," James grinned, "I didn't know we were expecting company,"

"Well…" I trailed off, not knowing how to tell James that it was Edward I was expecting, not _him_.

James squeezed my arm affectionately, and I wanted to shrug it off.

"I'm James, man," James said, extending his free hand to Edward.

I watched as Edward seemed to snap out of his trance and stoically shook James's offered hand.

"Edward," he said, "Bella's _friend_ from home."

"Home?" James asked, his eyes turning to me.

"Forks," I said in explanation.

"Oh," he exclaimed, "Well, nice to meet you, Edward."

"Likewise," Edward said, although I can tell that is was definitely _not_ nice for him.

"So, you had plans with Bella?" James asked, curiously eyeing the bags Edward held.

I looked at his face and tried to discern if there was any malice to it, but all I could see was genuine curiosity.

"Actually, I just moved here and I thought it might be nice for Bella and me to catch up," Edward said, his tone emotionless. "But I guess I'll just go, I mean, I don't want to ruin _your_ night,"

Edward looked at me pointedly, his body retracting from my door.

"No!" I cried out.

Both Edward and James looked at me in surprise.

"I mean, you could stay, Edward," I told him, almost pleading. "He can stay, right?"

I turned to James and waited for him to agree.

 _If he would say otherwise, I wouldn't know what to do._

"Of course," James grinned, "You guys had plans, after all."

Edward looked at me for a beat before slowly he slowly nodded and stepped over the threshold.

I moved aside to let him in, ignoring James as he tried to move with me.

After removing his coat, Edward slowly walked in, his eyes kept on glancing at me as he crossed the short hallway.

James started to walk ahead and I let him, wanting to have even just a tiny moment with Edward.

Edward looked at me for few seconds, his eyes void of any emotion. Then, he inclined his head to James's direction in the living room. This time, his eyes were brimming with questions.

Questions I couldn't find the answers to.

I tried to open my mouth a few times, ready to give an explanation when Edward suddenly turned from me and entered the living room.

I stayed behind, watching his retreating form.

I didn't know what to do with myself, or how to fix this situation. I don't even know what to tell James.

 _Would the "it's not you, it's me" monologue work?_

But I know, without a doubt, what I want. _Who_ I want.

I watched in utter mortification how James tried to engage Edward in conversation.

Things started off well, to say the least.

James asked him about the basics; his name, his job, his current residence, and other mundane details that could easily be an icebreaker. It was going well, until James got this glint in his eye and asked Edward about his history with me.

The silence that followed nearly drove me to insanity, and when Edward opened his mouth to answer, I was ready to lunge at him, cave-style over that damned coffee table.

"Hey," I interrupted, "You guys like some beer?"

Edward had the audacity to smirk at me, and I refrained from bitching at him. James remained gloriously oblivious.

"Edward?" I raised an eyebrow, willing him to contradict.

"Yes, Bella?" he asked, his mouth forcing to keep the smile off of his face.

"Would you like some beer?" I asked him again, turning to face him fully.

"Yeah, sure," Edward said, his face bearing confusion as he watched me.

I stood slowly, my eyes going to Edward once more before I went to the kitchen. I lingered in the hallway for a while, waiting for them to start talking again.

When I was met with nothing but silence, I reluctantly headed for the kitchen.

I was ungraciously bent over the refrigerator, retrieving beer bottles at the bottom shelf when I heard a slight noise behind me.

I almost hit my head on the door in my haste to see whoever it was who followed me.

"Need help?" Edward asked, smirking at me.

"Oh, it's _you_ ," I breathed as relief washed through me.

"Would you rather have _James_ here?" he asked, his face hardening at the mention of James.

"God, no," I said, handing him a bottle before I unscrewed mine.

I watched in fascination as Edward brought the bottle to his lips.

The way they caressed the bottle made me feel the eruption of thousands of butterflies in my stomach. My mouth felt dry at the visual of Edward drinking.

Gulping down hungrily, I averted my gaze from Edward, embarrassed to have such a reaction to him.

I'm sure the color high on my cheekbones didn't disappoint either.

"Why did you ask me to come, Bella?" Edward asked after a few seconds of silence. "Is this payback for the whole Irina thing?"

"What? No!" I exclaimed. "God, Edward,"

"Then, why?" he continued, "Kindly explain to me because I can't-"

"I didn't tell him to come tonight," I explained, "I was just as surprised when I opened the door and saw _him_ ,"

Edward nodded before taking a long gulp. I didn't look at him this time, too conflicted to take pleasure in watching him.

"What do you want, Bella?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," I whispered.

 _You. Always you._

I approached him slowly, putting down the beer bottle on the counter. Edward remained where he was, standing stoically as he watched me approach.

I softly grasped his hand in mine, my fingers intertwining with his.

My heart's erratic beating has everything to do with the close proximity between Edward and me.

Without a conscious thought, I leaned my head towards Edward, my eyes trained on his lips.

His face was moving in slowly, the anticipation igniting the fire.

My nose bumped into his, and with a hairsbreadth between us, I closed my eyes and waited for the moment of feeling his lips touch mine.

 _Just one push and our lips would meet again._

I waited for Edward to take the leap of faith, but instead, as I felt the change in the air around us, I _knew_ that he changed his mind.

Slowly, I opened my eyes.

My eyelashes fluttered across Edward's cheekbones, while his eyes remained closed. He was breathing a little hard, but other than that, he looked calm, almost serene.

I didn't move from my spot, and neither did Edward.

We tried to stay in our little bubble for as long as we could, but the moment passed too soon for my liking.

I watched as the shock of green met my eyes again, clear determination swimming in the depth of Edward's eyes.

"We can't, Bella," he whispered. "Your _boyfriend_ is waiting for us,"

With that, he left the kitchen, and me, gaping behind him.

My heart was pounding loudly in my chest, my breathing erratic. It felt I could actually hear the rush of blood in my ears, as if the motion itself was coursing me to different directions.

It took a full minute before I was able to compose myself again. The shock of Edward's words left a lingering effect on me and a bitter taste in my mouth.

 _My boyfriend who isn't Edward is waiting for us._

From the hallway, I could hear Edward's and James's muffled voices coming from the living room. I couldn't understand a word they were saying, but I trust Edward that he wouldn't say anything to James about _our_ past.

Slowly, I made my entrance.

I handed James cool bottle of beer before I went to sit on the opposite side of the couch.

"Thanks, babe," James said casually. I nodded to acknowledge him.

I looked slyly to Edward and see that his jaw and fist has tightened the moment I entered the room.

"So," James said, "Edward was just telling me how you guys went to high school together,"

"Yeah," I agreed, "He's by best friend,"

Edward looked sharply to me at that, all pretenses of acting indifferent was gone. In place was the blanket of confusion about every tiny bit of history between us.

I didn't need to look at him to see that he's staring at my face.

It felt awkward having James sitting between us. Not giving us this moment, this chance to be together.

Like stone wall depriving us of the chance to meet at the middle.

James cut the tension by clearing his throat, his back tense as he looked between us.

From my periphery, I could see Edward straighten in his seat before placing the empty bottle on the coffee table.

Slowly, he stood, arranging his shirt to rid of the wrinkles it has accumulated as he sat all night.

"Well, it's getting late," Edward mumbled, looking at the watch on his wrist. "I should probably get going,"

I nodded mutely at him.

Although I wanted him to stay, I know that I could not ask him. Not with James in the room. And especially not when I still have to deal with him.

Instead, I slowly followed him to the door after he said his goodbyes to James.

I watched as he put on his coat, at a total loss for words.

Finally, he turned to look at me with his hand on the doorknob.

 _Don't go._

"Good bye, Bella," he said. "Thanks for tonight,"

I wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously, for there nothing to be thankful for tonight.

"Yeah, see you soon," I told him.

Edward smiled wistfully at that, before opening the door and stepping out.

Once he has crossed the threshold, I moved to the empty hallway and watched as he headed for the stairs.

I stood there for a long time, long after he's gone.

When I was sure that I gathered myself, I went back to my apartment.

James greeted me by standing in the foyer, a somber expression on his face.

"It's him, isn't it?" he asked, the set of his tone is one with a sense of finality in it.

"Yes," I answered truthfully.

Because there's no denying it.

 _It's him. Always him._

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	37. Chapter 37

_Dumbstruck_.

That's how I felt after James went home.

I've been staring at my closed front door for approximately twenty minutes now. There were no other sounds in the apartment except for my breathing, the ringing in my ears a proof of the deafening silence surrounding me.

Still in a trance, I walked over to the couch and plopped myself down. I was totally blown by what James said, my mind still not catching up to what I heard.

Distractedly, I began plucking on the throw blanket I had draped over the couch, my mind insistently trying to think back to a half an hour ago.

I squeezed my eyes tightly, willing my mind to rest for a few silent seconds before I think about what happened in my last minutes with James.

After a few more minutes of sitting in silence, I began to trudge back to my bedroom to turn in for the night.

In all honesty, I wanted to have the comfort of my bed surrounding me as I recollect every detail about tonight.

I quickly finished my nightly routine, settling to wear a threadbare shirt I owned back in high school paired with thick pajama pants. I climbed to bed, cautious of the darkness engulfing my room.

As I lay against the comfort of my familiar sheets and pillows, I let my mind wander. From how Edward and James looked, down to the last words James has spoken before inevitably going out the door.

I can't for the life of me figure out _why_.

Why am I given this choice, even if I think I was being a horrible human being?

Horrible, meaning that I was consciously stringing along a perfectly good man, just because I'm confused.

Confused, because a man from my past, the only one I've ever loved, came back in my life just when things were working out for me and someone else.

And utterly, devastatingly horrible because, no matter how much I've endured, regardless of all the pain we've brought to each other, there was no denying that he still has my heart entirely.

And James was caught in the middle of it all.

He didn't have a fault, he was handsome, successful, and a genuinely good person.

He _is_ a good catch, even I could say that.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I thought back to the way James looked as I closed the door long after Edward has gone.

 _"It's him, isn't it?" he asked, his face devoid of any emotion._

 _The way he voiced his thoughts emanates a sense of finality, like underneath the calm exterior, a storm has passed. The tragedy it left behind was inevitable._

 _"Yes," I whispered, my voice hoarse from the sudden dryness._

 _I can't look him in the eyes as much as I wanted to because I was scared shitless of what I'll see._

 _James let out a humorless chuckle, the sound sending shivers up my spine. My eyes bounced between his forehead and neck, restless as I tried to quell the awkwardness that has surrounded us._

 _"Look, Bella," he started, "I know that this is the last thing you may want to hear, but please let me say my piece,"_

 _I nodded mutely at him, briefly looking into the blue depth his eyes as I waited for what he has to say._

 _I watched as James's Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed, his hand burying deep into his blond locks._

 _"I'm falling in love with you," James said, his hands suddenly clutching mine._

 _"No," I gently whispered, trying to take my hands away from the grasp James had them in._

 _"Bella, listen to me," he continued, "I'm not going to make you choose, because it's pretty obvious to me whom you'll choose. I just want you to know how I feel,"_

 _I almost felt sick to my stomach, already knowing how this was going to end._

 _"James," I whispered, "I'm so sorry,"_

 _Deflated, he slowly released my hands and took a step back from me._

 _I trailed my eyes up to his face, memorizing the details as I gazed at him for the last time._

 _"You're a great guy, James," I told him softly._

 _"But not for you," he said, chuckling under his breath._

 _I winced at his words, regardless of how innocent they may be. I've hurt him, and it's only fair to him that I'd feel even just an inch of the feeling I've bestowed on him._

 _"I wonder," James said after a few seconds, "If I would have told you sooner, would it have made a difference?"_

 _Slowly, I shook my head at him._

 _Regardless of how many confessions of love I received, it would not have made a difference._

 _Not even a crack on the armor, it seemed._

 _"I'm so sorry, James," I told him again, this time looking straight into his eyes._

 _"This is it, then?" he asked rhetorically. Morosely, I gave him a timid smile as a response._

 _No words could ever make this better for him, or me._

 _Instead, I moved closer to James and hugged him tight. I felt as his arms wound around my back, holding me to his chest._

 _I breathed in his scent for the last time, a sense of nostalgia already filling me._

 _I've cared for this guy, albeit not deeply enough to make a change of heart._

 _"It was worth a shot, Bella Swan," James mumbled into my hair._

 _I squeezed him tighter, my face pressed firmly to his chest._

 _"Thank you," I whispered, my voice muffled by the layers of fabric separating us._

 _With a kiss on the top of my head, James slowly released me from his grasp. He gave me a small smile before silently turning towards the door, his coat in hand._

 _I followed him quietly, my eyes never leaving his back as I watched him walk along the empty hallway._

 _I felt a sense of melancholy wash over me as his figure disappeared around the staircase. Breathing deeply, I turned back to my apartment and closed the door behind me._

 _This thing with James left me feeling a deep sense of heaviness in my stomach, but not as empty as I felt when I watched Edward walk away from me._

I watched as the glowing lights of my alarm clock illuminated the dark room. Glancing over, I see that it's already past 2 o'clock in the morning, yet sleep still evaded me.

I rolled over to my side, trying to get comfortable but the incessant whirring of the wind outside my apartment keeps on distracting me.

Every time I closed my eyes, I could still see the look on Edward's face before he left. For that brief moment, he let his guard down, allowing me to see the deep-seated sadness in his eyes, the way he has assumed that I chose someone else over him.

 _I really need to talk to him._

With a deep sigh, I sat up. There was no use in trying to sleep when I have a lot on my mind. I reached over to my phone, my fingers touching the screen quickly.

No missed calls.

No texts.

Nothing at all.

It frustrated me to no end how Edward seemed to just let tonight slide down his back.

 _How can he be this unattached?_

Grumbling, I began to pace the length of my bedroom, my mind all over the place. I still grasped my phone in my hand, while the other tugged at the knotted knots on my head.

My mind was too awake for sleep, too consumed with thoughts to rest.

Without giving it much thought, I brought up my phone and pulled up Edward's number. I stared at the screen for a moment before I tapped on the 'Call' button. The sound of the dial tone was loud in my ears, the ringing almost mocking me as seconds passed by without picking up.

As irrational as I was being, it irked me that Edward wasn't answering. I didn't think that it was fair that he was able to sleep through the night, while I lie here, wide awake with tumultuous thoughts.

As expected, all I got was his voicemail.

 _Isabella, it's 2 o'clock in the morning! Get some sleep!_

Reluctantly, I relinquished my phone to the bedside table, turning back to the bed to lie down again.

 _If sleep could just come to me, I'd be so happy right now._

Closing my eyes tightly, I tried to even out my breathing and waited for sleep to take me.

Morning came too fast for me. It felt like I had just closed my eyes and the next moment, the beeping of my alarm clock was waking me.

Groggily, I got up and made myself presentable for work. The bags under my eyes were impossible to hide, so I just let them be. And it's not like anyone was going to see me as I planned to just hole up in my office all day long anyway.

Quietly, I settled down in my office, the manuscript in front of me the only thing occupying my mind right now.

Minutes, even hours, might have passed before I was distracted enough to look up from my computer. The knocking on my door was what caught my attention, and when I looked over, I found Angela standing there.

She waltzed into my office like she owned the place, her gait making her look like she was floating.

"What's wrong with you?" I quipped, my mouth tugging to hide a smirk.

"Good morning, _Isabella_ ," she greeted, his voice full of mirth.

"Again, what's wrong with you?" I asked, this time with more intent.

Angela cackled, like a full-blown villain in a fairytale.

My brows were furrowing further as she continued to stand there, a wide grin eerily set on her mouth.

"Okay, you're creeping me out," I told her. "What do you want, Ange?"

"Well," she started, "Valentine's is just around the corner, Bella!"

"And?" I quirked my eyebrow, willing her to continue.

"And?" she asked incredulously. "Bella! Do you have plans?"

"Uh, none," I chuckled nervously, quite hesitant to where this was going.

James was a friend of Angela and Ben's, and I'm pretty sure that Angela's going to be _devastated_ to know that there won't be double dates between us anymore.

"Why is that? Didn't James ask you yet?" she inquired, the wheels already turning in her head.

"Uh," I hesitated briefly, "We broke up, Ange,"

"What?!" she exclaimed so loud that I jumped in my seat.

"Shh!" I reprimanded, my ears still ringing from her outburst.

"What were you thinking, Bella?" Angela asked, her gaze piercing me to my spot.

"He told me he was falling in love, Ange," I explained, exasperated.

"And you weren't?" she continued, her gaze scrutinizing my face.

"No," I whispered.

 _Not even close._

Angela continued to stare at me, her gaze unnerving. I wanted to crawl under the table, especially when I saw the proverbial lightbulb click in her head.

"It's Edward, isn't it?" she asked, although I'm not sure why since it's pretty obvious by now that it's always going to turn back to Edward.

"Yes, it's him," I said quietly. "Are you going to lecture me about him now?"

My tone was a little bitchy, but I was so tired of people always questioning me about this aspect of my life.

"No," she muttered as she bowed down her head. "I just didn't want you hurt, Bella,"

My furrowed brows relented, softening at my friend. I know that Angela was only looking out for me, but I also didn't want _this_ to come between us. She's been the only friend I really had these past few months, so I really needed her to see this through with me.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," I said, "I'm just tired of people always questioning me when it comes to Edward,"

"I'm sorry, too," she added timidly.

Slowly, I stood up from my perch on my chair and walked over to Angela. I gave her a brief, tentative hug to secure our friendship.

By the time we pulled apart, she was already grinning from ear to ear, mischief back in her eyes.

"Does this mean I get to meet the infamous Edward now?" Angela asked, her smile genuine.

"Well, I guess," I told her. "If he's agreeable."

"Agreeable?" she teased, "Oh Bella! We need to get you out!"

"Shut up," I said, blushing from embarrassment.

"You know you're too caught up in work when you use 'agreeable' in daily conversations," Angela continued, her chuckle low.

I rolled my eyes at her, my mood immediately lifting as Angela's teasing began.

I was just ready to shoot back at her retort when the ringing of my phone distracted us. I almost lunged at its place on the corner of my desk as Edward's name keeps on flashing on the screen.

I gulped down the sudden dryness in my throat, momentarily forgetting that I was not alone.

With a tentative look to Angela's knowing face, I picked up my phone and held it to my ear.

"Hello?"

 _ **AN: Thank you for reading!**_


	38. Chapter 38

A few days later, I was still a nervous wreck.

Edward had called a few days earlier to ask if something was wrong. He was wondering why I had called him in the wee hours of the night. Assuming that I was in trouble and he was the only person I could contact at the moment, he tried to reach me as soon as possible.

Being the coward that I am, I didn't tell him about James. I just reassured him that nothing was wrong, and I didn't even explain why I called him the previous night.

Although I think Edward must have been really pissed because he just accepted my lame excuse and hung up. He didn't ask for specifics; he didn't even broach the subject of our disastrous dinner. He just told me to have a 'good' day, and let me be.

I was _stupefied_.

I expected him to yell, maybe to ask me why I bothered to ask him to come over when James arrived earlier. He did neither of those. And it left a heavy feeling in my gut.

This leaves me here, on Edward's doorstep, four days later. I gathered the courage to call Esme and ask for Edward's address, saying that I have something urgent to discuss with him. She didn't actually question me about my intentions, but I explained anyway.

I've been standing here for almost half an hour now, still not knowing what to say. I've heard movements from the other side, so I was pretty sure that Edward was home. His neighbor, an old lady who lives next door, has been looking out her window and staring at me for the past ten minutes.

I think she thinks I'm crazy since I've been muttering under my breath the whole time I was here.

I ignored her, although I gave her a tentative smile when I first got here. Shaking my head, I took the old lady out of my thoughts and focused on what I was going to say to Edward.

 _What if he's mad? What if he rejects me?_

I wouldn't know what to do if he is. I mean, I really didn't get a feel of him when he left my apartment the other night, and his cold voice on the phone spoke different volumes. I don't know what to expect when, _if_ , he opens the door.

 _Oh, my god. What if he won't open the door if he sees that it's me?_

Another round of panic catches up with me, and I almost gave in and stepped back. I don't know what to expect and it scares me. Maybe he's mad, hell, there's a great possibility that he is, given how that dinner turned out.

I didn't want him to leave, but having him and James in the same room was causing a lot of tension, which James easily caught up on anyway. And maybe, having them in my apartment at the same did me some good. It made me realize who I actually wanted to be with, saved me from the confusion between the two.

Still, Edward left the apartment thinking that I chose James over him. And I wanted to rectify that situation.

I raised my fist to finally knock on the door when the sound of the doorknob turning made me stop.

Edward opened the door, his eyes trained on his feet. When mine came in his peripheral, his head whipped up swiftly that I think it would have made me dizzy if I was the one who reacted that way.

Once his gazed has focused, his eyes stared at me as if he were burning a hole through my skull, maybe not quite believing that I was standing on his porch, my fist raised to knock.

I gave him a shy smile, my lips quivering from my nervousness.

"Hi," I squeaked out, my fist still hovering in the air.

He didn't say anything back, remaining silent as his widened eyes continued their perusal. Edward was still in a stupor, his eyes intense as he continued to stare at me. His gaze was unnerving, almost pinning me to my place. It didn't help that I was still feeling nervous as hell, my intent for coming hear weighing like a ton of bricks in the pit of my stomach.

Softly clearing my throat, I opened my mouth to start speaking. But before I could get a word out, Edward reached out and gently grabbed my still raised arm, hoisting me inside his apartment.

I looked at him in bewilderment, my arm tingling from where he gripped my skin. Once he let go, Edward turned away from me and headed into the hallway. I blindly followed him, my eyes looking all over the place as it was my first time to be in Edward's apartment.

The hallway looked empty, no pictures or other knickknacks lying around. I find myself looking over to the pile of boxes on the corner, the contents overflowing.

Edward continued walking until we reached what seemed to be his living room. There was only a leather couch and an uninstalled television propped against the wall, the only decoration in the otherwise scarce apartment.

Edward turned to slowly face me, his face a mask of confusion. I swallowed the nervousness in my throat at his look, willing myself to say my piece.

"I'm sorry," I whispered lowly, the sound disturbing the silence of the room.

His face softened, the confusion leaving his features. I looked at him timidly, watching as his body released a heavy sigh. I didn't know what more to say, so I waited for Edward to start talking.

After a few seconds, he cleared his throat. The sound of it made me jump, the echo reverberating through the room.

"What for, Bella?"

"Everything," I told him in a small voice.

He quirked his eyebrow at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

I took a deep breath, letting the air wash over my lungs as I prepared to lay all my cards on the table.

"I'm sorry for leaving all those years ago," I started. I know that even though Edward said that he has already forgiven me for that, there was still a part of him, as small as it may be, that still resents me for my selfish decision years ago.

"And I'm sorry for the other night," I gulped, "With James,"

He stiffened at that, his jaw taut and his body locking down. I wanted to reach out to him and take his hand, but frankly, I'm scared that he won't be receptive to my touch.

I watched as he seemed to gather himself, his body relaxing a little after he took a few deep breaths.

"Edward," I called out "Please say something,"

He turned his eyes to me slowly, the color catching the sunlight beaming through the windows. The sight of his face captivated me, like an ethereal statue standing as the centerpiece of a museum.

"You don't have to apologize for that," he said softly, "I mean, he's your boyfriend and I realize now that I was out of line the other night. I didn't have the right to be mad about it, especially when-"

"We broke up," I interrupted, "That night, after you left, we broke up,"

His face bore no expression, not giving me an insight as to what he was thinking. This made me nervous, since I didn't know what to expect.

"Edward?"

"Why?" he asked, his brows furrowing.

I took a hesitant step towards him, watching for his reaction. Edward's eyes continued to gaze upon me, his mouth set on a grim line. It was disheartening, to see him like this, not giving anything away.

Finally, I stood before him, the top of my head barely reaching his shoulders. I have always adored the height difference between us, it makes me feel safe and secure, given how Edward has always towered over my form.

I titled my head up and focused to meet his gaze. The green in his eyes fascinates me, the way it always does. It felt like looking onto a freshly cut meadow, the wave of calmness washing over inevitably as soon as you lay your eyes upon them. Edward was looking at me too, his brows creased into a frown.

Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed his hand. The way it appeased my thundering heart spoke volumes to me. The feelings erupting in my chest was monumental, something that I can't just go back from.

It felt like coming home.

 _Finally_.

I wanted to pull him towards me, wrap my arms around him and never let him go.

"He's not you," I whispered, waiting with bated breath as Edward looked at me. "He'll never be you,"

I looked at Edward, watched as the light in his eyes softened, the way his mouth slowly curved into a soft smile. I could feel my mouth mirroring his, despite his lack of words.

Edward delicately wrapped his arms around me, his scent infiltrating my senses. The moment he tucked my head against his chest, I felt the uncontrollable tears springing to my eyes. I wound my arms tightly around him, molding my body against his.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Bella," Edward murmured against my hair, "For everything,"

Unabashedly, I sighed in relief. The comfort I found in his words spread through my body like a wildfire, with nothing to prevent it.

I breathed in his scent and I basked the way he curled his body around mine. The warmth formed between us could have lit the entire building, the sparks going off like an electric charge about to erupt into a perfect storm.

Nothing could have prepared me for this outcome, but I'm glad, ecstatic even, that things worked out the way they did. Having Edward's arms around me was the comfort I've been missing these past years. Nothing ever came to replace it, and nothing ever will.

 _Edward is the one, the only one._

The tears continued to flow freely without my consent, probably soaking Edward's shirt. But I find myself not caring enough to pull away and apologize, having preferred to feel his arms around me more than anything else.

For a long time, we just stood there in the middle of Edward's apartment, wrapped tightly around each other. My tears have calmed down over time, but for every few seconds, one would escape and fall on Edward's chest. I tried to discreetly wipe at my eyes without pulling away from our embrace, but it was inevitable for Edward to not feel my hand creeping up to my face so he pulled away slowly and held me at arm's length.

A slight whimper escaped my mouth at the loss of his warmth even though his hands still held me. Edward was frowning at the sight of my tears, his smile coming down.

"You're crying," he breathed, his frown deepening as I sniffled.

"Don't worry," I told him, "They're happy tears,"

I smiled at him, my eyes crinkling at the corners causing more tears to fall. Edward swiped at the corners of my eyes gently, his thumbs catching the tears that have escaped. The gentle smile on his face warms my heart, and as his face leaned in to kiss me where my tears have escaped, my heart melted at the tenderness of his actions.

Breathlessly, I stood in stilted silence as Edward kissed each tear-stained cheek, my heart beginning to beat wildly in my chest. He continued to kiss the tip of my nose and my forehead before backing away slightly to look at me.

I watched as his eyes flickered to my lips briefly before looking back to my eyes, the bit of hesitancy in his green irises throwing me out of the loop for a second.

To eradicate his doubt, I leaned closer to him, my own eyes going to his lips. Unconsciously, I licked mine in anticipation and I heard Edward swallow audibly. Swiftly, my eyes flew to his. The forming smile on his face encouraged me to come closer as he did the same.

It felt like hours have gone by as our noses touched, but probably only mere seconds have passed. I closed my eyes as I felt Edward's eyelashes sweeping across the top of my cheekbones, the thundering in my chest calming down to tranquil fluttering.

When I felt the softness of Edward's lips touch mine, I let out a small gasp before Edward took my bottom lip between his. Without thinking, I nibbled on his lower lip as my hands wound up to his neck. I tangled my fingers across his soft hair, the action causing Edward to groan in my mouth. I pressed myself closer to his chest, burying my form in the warmth of Edward's body.

The world ceased to exist outside the bubble we have created for ourselves as we drown our thoughts in each other. Nothing else mattered but us in this moment. No past, no heartaches, no one else, nothing else, but _us_.

As I reveled in the glory of our second first kiss, there was one thought that was going through my mind.

 _Finally._

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	39. Chapter 39

Hours later, Edward and I were cuddled up on his couch, silent but I really think that no words are necessary for this moment. Time has passed us by, with no real conversation happening between us. Our words were spoken through gentle touches and warm caresses, our lips often meeting in the middle as we lose ourselves in each other.

Edward is currently running his hands up my arms, the shivers in left in his wake spreading throughout my body. Slowly, I turned in his arms to face him, an incandescent smile plastered on my lips.

"Hi," Edward whispered, his mouth turning up at the corners.

I tilted my face forward to place a peck on his lips, happy to be able to do this freely. As Edward leaned down to meet me halfway, I basked again in this moment, this indescribable little piece of our lives that was undeniably interwoven together.

Edward took my bottom lip in his, giving it a little nip before releasing it and giving the top lip the same attention. I melted in his arms, the exquisite feeling of his lips on mine was turning me into a puddle of goo as he held me tightly to his chest. I was already feeling a little out of breath, but I didn't want to break away. It felt like having this moment with Edward was far more vital than a breath of fresh air.

A few more seconds passed as we continued to kiss languidly on the couch. With my eyes closed, I could feel the warmth of the sun diminishing as twilight falls. I peeked one eye open, the sight that welcomed me exhilarated and shocked me at the same time.

Edward had his eyes opened, the green in them catching the last rays of the sun. He was looking at me as I closed my eyes, lost in our kiss. He had a content look on his face, his features soft as he continued to gaze at me. Promptly, I opened my eyes fully and gently pulled away.

I grasped both of his hands in mine, my eyes exploring his face. He wasn't showing any emotion aside from a look of happiness. But still, it felt like I had to ask him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head slightly. He entwined his fingers with mine, giving me a gentle squeeze as he brought my knuckles to his lips.

Edward moved closer to give me a soft kiss on the lips, once, twice, and a third time before he pulled back slightly to look at my face again. I could feel his fingers loosening their grasp in mine and I instinctively grasped him back, completely acting on impulse. Still, slowly, he released my hands and delicately held my face, tilting it back up when I looked down to my lap.

His eyes adapted a different look in them, although I have seen it before on his face. Edward became this serious facet of a man, his eyes staring directly into my brown ones. I held my breath as Edward inaudibly swallowed, his Adam's apple moving with the action.

For what felt like a long time, we stared at each other with the dusk setting in the background. Edward's apartment was beginning to get dark; the only source of light were the street lights standing outside his windows. His profile was awash with the glow coming from outside. It highlights his sharp jaw, the slight crooked set of his nose, and his high cheekbones. His long eyelashes were casting shadows across said cheekbones, and this makes him look exquisite to me.

If this had been the first time that I ever saw Edward, his beauty would have made me catch my breath. Regardless, he still does and he always will.

With the darkness blanketed over us and the stilted silence in the room, we were in our own bubble. Nothing could touch us here. In this moment, we were safe from all the hurt that the world could throw at us. Right here, right now, we were just us. Edward and Bella, still so caught up in each other even after all these years.

"I love you," Edward said, his voice confident and determined, the words reverberating across the room.

My heart stopped for a brief moment before it gave way to a thunderous beat. The words were caught up in my throat, my eyes already tearing up.

I lunged myself at him, the feelings coursing through my body were ineffable. I wound my fingers tightly in his bronze hair, my arms around his neck. I brought my lips back to his and offered an amorous kiss, one that would display my feelings for the world to see.

Our tongues were battling for dominance, our ragged breaths filling the emptiness of the room. My body was pressed firmly against Edward's.

We were lips to lips, chest to chest and heart to heart. You couldn't decipher where one ended and where the other began.

Edward was gripping my hips securely, his fingers going under my shirt to caress the sliver of skin that rested where the cloth bunched up between the waistband of my jeans and my shirt. His touch caused a shiver to run through my body, my nerve endings feeling alive at the moment. I moved my hands to clutch at the back of his shirt, my fingernails scratching languidly every few seconds. A grunt from Edward reverberated through him, the sound igniting a fire inside me.

I gasped away from his mouth, my breathing ragged as I tried to get as much air as possible in my lungs. The lack of oxygen made me dizzy, or it could have been a reaction from Edward's kisses.

 _I don't know anymore._

My hands moved along the stubble that has started to gather on Edward's jaw, the prickling on my fingertips a welcome sensation. I moved to kiss along the path my fingers made, my lips tingling as I made contact with his skin.

I felt Edward release his hold on my hips and moved to tangle his fingers in my hair. He started peppering kisses along my neck, his stubble adding to the wonderful sensation. I grasped at the back of his shirt again and tugged to bring it over his head. He pulled away slightly and grasped my face in his hands.

His eyes wandered all over my face for a moment, his face impassive. I stared back at Edward as I clutched in shirt in my fists.

"Bella," he murmured, "Are you sure?"

Wide-eyed, I continued to look at him as I take in his flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips. The heady scent of Edward's cologne permeated my senses.

Slowly, Edward released me and brought his hands behind his neck. He started to take off his shirt, and when I looked down, I saw his skin being revealed inch by glorious inch. I gulped down loudly, my heart starting to hammer its way out of my chest. As I catch a glimpse of his abdominal muscles, I blinked furiously although my eyes stayed firmly on the bit of skin he exposed. As the shirt continued its ascend, Edward suddenly halted his movement, prompting me to look back to his face.

He had a pensive look on his face, and when he started to softly caress my cheek, I furrowed my brows at him, confused as to why he stopped.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, voiding out my thoughts.

"Nothing's wrong," he whispered.

I nodded dumbly at him, the blush still high on my cheeks. My eyes kept on darting to the bit of skin Edward has exposed until he cleared his throat, which made me blush further. I tried to avert my gaze, but he kept on trying to catch my eye.

Sighing in defeat, I raised my head and looked Edward straight in the eye. There was a hint of mirth clouding his, and I tried to not let it deter me so I deliberately pressed my palm to the exposed skin of his stomach.

His sharp intake of breath gave my confidence a boost, so I slowly grazed my nails against his skin, lightly scratching his stomach. Edward abruptly caught my hand and held it between his, bringing it close to his face. He placed a light kiss on my open palm, the action rendering me speechless for a moment.

"Don't tease me, Bella," Edward admonishes playfully, his smirk giving him away.

I bit my lip and tried to retract my hand, but he held it firmly against his chest while his free hand ran through my hair gently. Slowly, I moved closer to Edward and lightly placed a kiss on his lips. I could feel a smile building on his mouth as I backed away, and by the time we were face to face again, his smile has turned into a huge grin.

Edward moved again to place a kiss on my jaw, his nose skimming the side of my face. I heard him breathe in deeply, and I closed my eyes in turn. I reveled in the feel of Edward so close to me, not having to worry about anything or anyone coming between us.

"Let's not rush things, baby," he whispered, his face still buried in my neck.

Mutely, I nodded my assent. Of course I didn't want to rush things between us since we were still standing on a precarious slope. One wrong step and we might tumble down, something I would want to avoid as much as possible.

With that thought in mind, I brought my arms around Edward's neck and snuggled closer into his chest. I wanted to be as close to him as possible, and he seemed to want the same thing since he wrapped his arms around me as well. We were still occupying the couch, with Edward lying directly on top of it as I draped myself above him.

"Let's go to bed," Edward suggested in my ear.

I pulled away from him slightly and quirked an eyebrow. He let out a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"To sleep, Bella," he teased, his lips quirking into a smirk.

"It's too far," I whined a little as I hugged myself closer to his chest.

Suddenly, Edward stood and hoisted me in his arms. I squealed at the unexpected movement and tightened my arms around him.

"Don't drop me," I warned, bringing my legs around his waist to secure my spot.

"Never," he said, nuzzling my hair for a moment before he started to walk in the direction to his bedroom.

I tried to look around his apartment as I cling to his neck but the hallway was still too dark since Edward never bothered to turn the lights on. Once we reached his bedroom, he went straight to the bed that was placed at the center of his room. He gently put me down on the bed before he stepped back. I watched his figure as he went to the opposite wall of the room, where I presume his cabinets were.

I couldn't see any detail in the dark room, only shapes and silhouettes. I squinted my eyes as Edward came back to bed, holding a piece of fabric in his hands. When he was close enough that I could make out his features, he reached a hand out to the right side of the bed and room was suddenly awash with the light coming from the lamp on his bedside table.

"I remember how much you loved sleeping in this," he murmured, handing me the shirt he fetched from the cabinet.

I looked down and inspected the fabric, a smile instantly coming to my face when I realized that he was right.

I _loved_ sleeping in this shirt. I used to steal it from him after he wore it to bed the previous night. I loved the way that it used to smell like him, especially when he was away some nights.

I smiled timidly at him and stood, the shirt tightly held in my grasp.

"The bathroom's right there," he said, pointing to the door at the corner of the room.

I nodded and went to the bathroom, quickly changing out of my clothes and into Edward's shirt. I also splashed water to my face, foregoing my nightly routine since I don't have my products with me.

Idly, I thought of bringing over a travel bag next time.

 _Too soon,_ my mind reminded me.

Shaking my head at the thoughts running through my mind, I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised at what I saw. My eyes were bright, my cheeks warm with color, and my lips looked a little swollen from all the kissing we had done. I haven't looked like this in years.

I jumped slightly when I heard Edward's bedroom door closing. With another shake to myself, I washed my hands and went back to Edward. The glow in the room was muted when I stepped back into the bedroom. My eyes moved over the furniture around the room swiftly before landing on Edward.

He was already lying on the right side of the bed, his head propped up by his hand. He was watching the bathroom door, probably waiting for me to emerge. I smiled shyly at him before I slowly walked to the end of the bed. Edward pulled back the blanket and patted the space beside him.

Without hesitation, I climbed the bed and situated myself. I pulled the blanket back under my chest while Edward automatically wrapped his arms around me and pulled my back to his chest. I smiled in spite of myself, feeling awfully familiar with the situation.

We used to sleep like this back when we lived together.

Edward pulled back a little to turn the lamp off on his side. The room was blanketed in darkness again, only the lights from the street lights outside were illuminating the room.

Sleep was quickly coming to me but I refuse to let it take over before I say my piece. Grasping his hand in mine, I turned my head slightly in his direction.

"Edward?"

He hummed, his face already buried in my hair. I nudged his arm, dislodging him from sleep. He squinted one eye at me, the other still partially buried in my hair. I loosened his grip on me and turned to face him fully. I brought my hand up to his face and caressed his cheek.

He's now looking at me, both of his eyes were open and gazing at my face.

"I love you," I said, my hand still resting on his cheek.

Edward's face considerably softened at my words, his mouth lifting into a gentle smile.

"I love you, too," he said, coming closer to place a soft kiss on my lips.

I smiled against his lips and closed my eyes, feeling utterly content with how this day was coming to an end.

 ** _AN: Thank you for reading!_**


	40. Chapter 40

_A round, two-tier cake with fondant frosting was placed at the center of the long table. The intricate flower designs were simply amazing, the details were spot on and meticulously handled. My gaze travelled towards the top of the cake where the miniature bride and groom were standing together, hands wrapped around each other._

 _I looked at the cake topper closely, specifically on the groom. Squinting my eye, I could vividly make out the groom's chiseled jaw and the bronze of his hair. My attention was taken away from the cake when I heard the clinking of glass nearby._

 _I turned my head at the sound and was met with the vision of a brunette in a wedding gown. Her back was to me but I could see that we were of the same height and built, we even have the same stance. My brows furrowed in confusion while I tried to rattle my brain as to who this girl in the wedding dress might be when my eyes caught a flash of bronze._

 _The man, who might be the groom, was standing in front of the brunette, facing my direction. Although I couldn't see his face because the girl's head was in the way. The way he held himself looks familiar to me…_

 _There was a loud crash behind me, and before I turned, I almost caught the eye of the groom. Irritated by the noise, I turned back to watch the couple in front of me but they were already gone. I craned my neck to see above the heads in the room, but the effort was futile._

 _Still, my eyes roved all over the room, trying to find the bride and groom. I was distracted from my search when I felt a scratchy sensation against my neck. I looked down and was surprised to see a pair of toned arms wrapped around me from behind._

 _"Good morning, love," that velvet, smooth voice whispered in my ear. Its timbre familiar and soothing as the warmth resonates through me._

 _What?_

That tickling sensation was back on my neck accompanied by a chuckling near my ear. I squinted one eye open, and was greeted with the sight of Edward's bedroom. Edward continued to nuzzle my neck as he situated himself behind me, his lips ghosting over the skin, leaving goosebumps on its wake.

Slowly, I turned over to face him. Edward grinned widely at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners. I replied in kind, while moving closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me, his face going automatically to my neck as he buried his nose on the part where my shoulder and neck met. A shiver ran through me as I wound my arms around Edward, my hands weaving their way to his hair.

We stayed in our bubble for a few minutes, just silently basking in the moment. After our talk last night, this morning is the very first time that I have felt lighter since I left my heart in Washington all those years ago. I trailed kisses along Edward's jaw, my lips tickling from the sensation of his stubble. After a few more kisses, I felt Edward pull away slightly, his hands going up to cup my face.

He stared at me for a few seconds, his eyes moving all over my face before settling on my brown orbs. I sighed internally at the sight of Edward, glorious with the filtering of the morning light as his backdrop. I moved my hand to rest against his cheek, the smattering of his beard apparent under my palm. Edward looks well-rested, the bags under his eyes were not as apparent as they were when I saw him a few days ago. There was also this seemingly permanent smile on his lips, no doubt matching mine.

"Hi," Edward whispered, his face close enough that I could smell the hint of mint on his breath.

 _He must have been awake for a while now,_ I thought to myself idly.

"Hi," I said. I cannot control my lips, the smile already erupting on my face before I closed my mouth.

"Happy Valentine's day, love," Edward said before he leaned in closer, his nose brushing mine before I felt the soft peck of his lips against mine. I sighed at the touch, my mind momentarily forgetting all other thoughts, its focus solely on Edward.

"How do you feel about a Valentine's date tonight?" He asked after giving me my morning kiss.

"Wonderful," I grinned, pulling Edward closer to place another kiss on his lips.

Edward and I made plans earlier to have dinner at the pizza place around the corner, the both of us wanting to avoid the dinner crowd as much as possible. I am currently in my own apartment, getting ready for our date tonight. I left Edward's after he cooked us lunch. We spent half of the day just talking; about us, the past, the present, and the future. We've both laid out our cards, we talked about what we wanted out of this, out of us.

I know that I wanted him for the rest of my life; the only thing I have ever truly wanted. Regardless of what happened to us, of all the heartbreaks and distance, I would always come back to him. It may make me look weak or naïve but I can't help it, especially when my heart knows that all I'll ever love in this lifetime is Edward.

The buzzing of my phone startles me out of my thoughts, the screen flashing Edward's name. I immediately retrieved the phone from my bedside table and took the call.

"Hey," Edward said from the other line. I could hear him moving around his room, probably getting ready too.

"Hi," I replied, proceeding to head over to the vanity to put on a little makeup.

"Is it okay if I'll pick you up earlier than planned?" he asked.

My eyes moved over to the clock resting against the mirror, seeing that it's only quarter to six. We have decided earlier that he would come to the apartment by 7 o'clock. Furrowing my brows in confusion, I asked him why he's decided to come by earlier.

"Well," he started, "I don't want to risk getting caught up in traffic."

I hummed my response while I applied a bit of lipstick.

"And I miss you," Edward whispered.

My lips curled up into an enormous smile, my reflection showing just how pleased I was with his words.

"Well, we can't have that," I teased him.

The sound of Edward's laughter greeted me from the other end of the line, warming my heart with his happiness.

"And I miss you, too." My tone softened at the words, my smile toning down to a gentle one.

Edward and I talked for a while about nonsensical things before hanging up. Edward would come pick me up in thirty minutes and I haven't even showered yet. Dashing to my bathroom, I took the fastest shower I have ever had in my entire life. After hastily drying myself off, I settled in front of my vanity mirror, still wrapped in my towel with my hair dripping down my back, and started applying makeup. I almost took out an eye with my mascara brush as I wielded it in my haste but I was not to be deterred. After I _gently_ applied mascara to both eyes, I proceeded to put on the rest of my makeup. It was simple enough, only just a bit of powder and lipstick before I deemed myself presentable.

Securing my towel tighter under my arms, I moved to my dresser to pick out an outfit for tonight. I didn't want to go overboard, but I also didn't want to look like I didn't care. I was torn between these two choices when I unconsciously trailed my eyes to the alarm clock perched on my bedside table.

 _Six o'clock,_ the clock read.

 _Edward will be here in fifteen minutes. Fuck._

I carelessly dropped my towel and walked over to my underwear drawer, stark naked. I ruffled through my underthings, my hands coming in contact with varying textures. I didn't want to assume that Edward and I would end up in bed, but I also didn't want to look shabby _if_ it were to happen by wearing granny panties. I settled with a matching underwear and bra in dark blue, neither too modest nor too racy. I moved over to my closet and pulled out the dark blue sundress that I had at the very back of my closet. It was a gift from Renee, and it hasn't seen much of the sun since I never really had a reason to wear it before.

After donning it, I went to my meager collection of shoes and picked out my favorite flats. I checked myself out in front of the mirror, turning this way and that way, trying to see if the outfit I picked would work. Once I have assured myself, I grabbed my purse from the top of my dresser and started to put my phone, wallet, and other clutter that I thought I might need for the night.

I was barely able to make it into the living room when a knock came from the front door. Swiftly, I looked around the apartment, trying to see if something was amiss before I left. Once I have made sure that everything was in its proper order, walked over to the foyer, my steps a little wobbly from my nervousness.

The knocking stopped once I reached the front door, the apartment eerily quiet as if it was waiting for something momentous to happen. For a bout of silence, I found myself staring at the door with butterflies in my stomach. I was anxious, the feeling wholly unexpected.

"Don't be stupid, Bella," I muttered under my breath, "It's not like this is your first date with Edward."

I was unexpectedly apprehensive, my heart following a thundering beat. My breath was coming out in short gasps, and my palms were feeling sweaty.

 _I am fucking nervous._

A nervous chuckle erupted from my lips at the thought, and I was feeling utterly ridiculous from being anxious about this.

 _This is Edward,_ I thought to myself, _Edward Cullen, your first love. The only love you've ever had in your life._

Of course I'm nervous, and it has nothing to do with doubt or uncertainty, but simply because this is Edward and I. We've been through so much, we have even experienced heartbreak at the hands of the other, but the novelty of a first date with each other still holds its significance. I'm nervous because this is us, and with this date comes a plethora of new beginnings, something that I've yearned for all these years.

As I shake my head at myself, I grasped the metal in my palm. Slowly, I twisted the doorknob, and as I caught a few glances of Edward, I could feel my heart calming down. My breath was evening out and my palms were no longer shaking.

I thought I was able to get myself under control but when I glanced up, my breath whooshed out of me. I was stunned, awestruck. I think my jaw was touching the floor, and maybe drool was even leaking out at the corners of my mouth. Yet, I can't help myself because Edward Cullen was devastatingly handsome in front of me.

Even in his simple dark wash jeans and dark blue button down, he was striking. His signature crooked smile was on his lips and I let my gaze wander all over his face. I didn't mind the silence between us, since I was too busy drooling over him. I could see Edward shuffling on his feet but I just can't tear my eyes off of him.

I think it took Edward three throat clearings before I was able to snap out of my trance. I took notice of his hair in its usual disheveled state and thought that he might be nervous about this too.

 _And your staring is not helpful, Bella,_ my mind commented.

I forced my eyes to look at his, and the expression in them almost floored me. He was earnest, that much I could tell, and there was also this lingering emotion in his eyes. It was what grounded me, it calmed my erratic heart and my tumultuous mind.

 _Love._

It was there in his eyes, and in every touch of his. It has been tested by time and distance, and circumstances, but it has risen above and has conquered our pain. I'm sure my eyes reflect the same emotion at him, and with Edward's wide smile, I know that he can see it too.

I watched as his hand slowly reached out to grasp mine and I gently latched on, intertwining my fingers with his. We wore matching grins on our faces, our eyes sparkling with unspoken words. This is us, the then and the now, and someday, the future.

Edward gently pushed through the threshold and moved to stand closer to me. I watched as he leaned down, and I closed my eyes when his nose brushed mine. He placed a sweet kiss on my lips, his arms wounding around me. He pulled me closer to his chest as I wrapped my arms around his back. We stayed like that for a while, kissing in front of my open door for all the other building occupants to see. But I didn't care, not at all.

Because finally, I was home.

 ** _AN: One more… :)_**

 ** _Thank you so much for reading!_**


	41. Chapter 41

Harsh, panting breaths filled the air around us. The sensation of skin on skin was phenomenal, igniting a fire that could light up the whole building. I was lost in the moment as Edward moved above me, his body filling mine in ways that have rendered me speechless.

The light sheen of sweat that was covering us felt like a cooling balm against the heat, our skins slippery as we held on tight to each other. My arms were wound firmly around his broad back, my chest in direct contact with his, our hearts almost beating as one. He had his right hand gripping my hips while the other was under me, supporting my neck.

Our lips met for a fiery kiss, our tongues battling for dominance. Edward moved his hand from my neck to my face, gently cupping my cheek as his mouth continued to explore mine. This proved to be a good thing since I was already feeling lightheaded, both from our kiss and our lovemaking.

Slowly, after I have gathered my breath, I opened my eyes, my gaze immediately landing on Edward's. he was already looking at me, the unfathomable depths of his green eyes staring right at my soul. I smiled gently at him, too ecstatic for words.

"Bella, I love you so much," he breathed, his words caressing my cheek as he proceeded to trail kisses along my jaw.

"Oh, I love you, Edward," I told him, my lips latching on to his neck.

Edward started to move his hips again, rekindling the pleasure coursing through my body. I clenched my eyes shut and gave in to the feeling. My body felt warm all over, as if an inferno was starting within me. The fire blooms in my stomach, travelling through my limbs until it caused an eruption that have expanded the heat, a feeling that was surging from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

I could faintly hear Edward as he chased his own pleasure, his hips thrusting once, twice, and thrice before he stopped moving. He collapsed on top of me, his breath coming out in short gasps as he buried his face in my neck. I wrapped my arms and legs around him tightly, burrowing myself closer to him as we both tried to catch our breaths.

After he had his breathing evened out, Edward pulled away from me slightly, his eyes alight with something akin to love as he gazed at me. I blushed furiously under his stare, quite irrelevant given what we have just done.

He chuckled quietly at my reaction before his face turned serious again. His hand came up to brush away the hair from my face, his touch feather light. I closed my eyes at the tenderness of his actions, feeling my heart brim with love for Edward. He then leaned down to place a chaste kiss on my lips, causing me to release a contented sigh.

I would have never guessed that we'd be here, not after how we've left things when I left for New York. Back then, I broke Edward's heart and he broke mine. I didn't think that we'd get past that, especially after how things went downhill from there.

Yet, as I breathe in his scent and as his heart continues to beat against my ear, I know that none of that matters now. A year after I nervously stood on his doorstep waiting for him to open the door, I finally found where I truly belong.

This is where I found my home.

It's funny how fate intervenes while you cruise through life. One moment, you're heartbroken over the guy you've been dating for the past five years, and then in an inexplicable turn of fate, you end up on his doorstep, nervous as _hell_ while waiting to explain why you let him go home the previous night.

It's times like this that makes me wonder if there is truly a God who weaves our lives together; that no matter what happens, people who are meant to be together will always find their way. Edward and I, we've lost our way in the years that came between us, and even for a time, I thought that I'd never see him again. Yet, as if by some miracle, we were able to come back to each other. The road was not easy, we've endured more pain than we've ever anticipated and we were thrown obstacles that was amplified by the distance between us.

So it brings such joy to my heart whenever I find myself here, in this moment, in this great apartment that Edward and I now live in. He asked me to move in six months into our relationship, and at first I was hesitant because this was how it started for us five years ago; him asking me to move in a year into our relationship.

But this isn't the past, and I now definitely know what I want. Creating a life to share with Edward was something that I have always desired, it was something that I have always dreamed of when we started dating. I've got it now, resting on the palm of my hands, the kind of life I've always wanted for us.

I was startled out of my thoughts by the buzzing of the washing machine, prompting me to fetch our clothes. I hefted the empty laundry basket against my hip and proceeded to the laundry room. I started to sort out our clothes before loading them into the dryer, making sure to set the machine at 'gentle' to avoid mishaps.

I was just about to head into the living room when I heard my phone ringing from my bedside table. Quickly, I dashed into the room, not wanting to miss the call in case it was Edward. He's been working night shifts for the whole week, and he went on with his morning shift today. I haven't seen Edward since last Thursday morning when I just caught him arriving from work when I was about to leave for the office. I missed him a _lot_ , this week, and it makes me feel empty, especially at night when I lie awake in our huge bed alone.

"Hello," I breathed into the phone after swiftly snatching it from its perch on the nightstand.

"Hi, love," Edward greeted. "Have I caught you at a bad time?"

"No," I almost panted from the lack of air, "Now's a good time."

"Are you sure?" he asked, "You sounded like you're out of breath. "

I gulped down a lungful of air, trying to make it settle in my body.

"I was just doing our laundry, and I left my phone in the bedroom," I explained as I sat down on his side of the bed, my hand automatically reaching out to grab his pillow and hold it to my chest.

"Oh, okay," Edward said. It was quiet for a few minutes, only our breathing was to be heard on the line. "By the way," he started after a while, "Could you please run an errand for me? I forgot to send out the bills yesterday and they have to be sent out today."

"Okay," I replied, "I have to run to the grocery store anyway," I added distractedly.

"Thank you, love," he whispered.

We talked on the phone for a few more minutes, just trying to catch up since we weren't able to really talk the past week. Hearing Edward's voice has lessened the loneliness I feel as I sit alone in our apartment, but it doesn't truly diminish it. I know that only when I would be able to see him in front of me, be able to touch him and feel him, that I could let this feeling go.

Just before we hang up, Edward was able to dash all hope in me with just a few words.

" _I'm sorry I won't be able to come home tonight. It's been hectic in the hospital lately and we have an insufficient staff as of the moment."_ Edward said.

I gritted my teeth, trying to reign in the disappointment that was washing over me. The tears pricking at the corner of my eyes was an indication that I was truly upset, regardless of how I assured Edward that it was okay.

It's not okay. _I'm not okay._

I held on to Edward's pillow tightly, molding it to my chest until the material was firmly hugging my front. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears from falling. My breath was coming out in short gasps, my lungs working hard to even out my breathing. Still, a tear fell from my eye and it started the uncontrollable waterworks.

I know that I am being irrational, and I could possibly blame it on my hormones, but I have this gut feeling that Edward was hiding something from me. I was being unfair in doubting him, but I can't seem to get a hold of my thoughts. There was a part of my brain, the one that was hiding in the deep recesses of my head, that was shouting out thoughts that there was something that Edward isn't telling me. I wanted to shut it off, but with my history of insecurity, there was really no escaping it.

After unspeakable moment in the bedroom, I took out the clothes from the dryer and folded them before replacing them to their respective places. I did a little bit of cleaning too before I listed down the items I needed to get at the store. After making sure that everything was in its place, I grabbed the envelopes that Edward forgot to send out yesterday and headed out.

I spent the afternoon and a part of the early evening running errands. First, I dropped off the bills at the office before going on a little window shopping. I ended up buying a new set of kitchen utensils and plates that I thought would go well with the ones we had at home. Then I went to the grocery to buy the items that would fill up our pantry. The time I spent outside the four corners of our apartment was able to help me relax a little bit, although there was still the nagging feeling at the pit of my stomach. I tried to ignore it as much as I could, knowing that Edward would tell me if something was actually wrong.

By the time I was able to make it to the corner around our apartment, I was already feeling a bit lightheaded. My outing has taken some of my energy, especially since the last meal I ate was my lunch. I could already picture our comfortable bed, its soft sheets already caressing my skin. I picked up my pace then, determined to jump in bed the moment I step into the apartment.

When I was only a few steps from our door, I looked up to where our bedroom window was located and saw a soft, dimmed light coming from the room. My brows furrowed in confusion as I tried to recall if I left the lamp on, but I can't actually remember if I even plugged it in earlier. Walking as briskly as I could, while also carrying four heavy bags in my arms, I reached our door in just a few seconds. I fished my keys from my purse but when I tuned the knob, the door easily gave way.

My head whipped from the door to the driveway, checking to see if I somehow missed Edward's car. It was empty, just like the way it has been when I left earlier. Fear was quickly creeping its way into my heart, my mind conjuring images in my head. If there was a burglar inside, I highly doubt that I could fight him off, feeling as faint as I was. From where I was standing, I could see that no other light has been turned on, except for the one in our bedroom.

My heart was thumping wildly in my chest as I walked as quietly as I could along our hallway. I put down the bags in my arms on the counter when I reached the kitchen before grabbing the rolling pin that was tucked away in a drawer. I tiptoed my way to our bedroom, but I stopped briefly as I stood in front of the closed door. I pressed my ear against the wood, trying to hear anything from the other side. There was some rustling, and as I squeezed closer to the door, I could make out the sheets from the bed being moved.

 _What?_

I took deep breaths before I grasped the cold metal in my left hand while the other held up the rolling pin. I was ready to smash my way inside the room, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard the distinct sound of our drawers being opened. With a frown on my face, I tried to strain my ears for sounds that may indicate where the person was going next but all I heard were footfalls that was walking farther from the door. The movements stopped abruptly, and I also held my breath. You could actually hear a pin drop from the way silence blanketed the apartment.

Without thinking, I gripped the doorknob tightly in my hand and threw the door open. The scream that was about to come out of my mouth was halted and I dropped the rolling pin by my feet. Relief washed through me as I saw Edward standing in the middle of our room with shock written all over his face. I stared at his face for a few moments, my eyes just taking in his features. It felt like my heart plummeted to my stomach and rocketed back up again, its thumping beat loud against my ears.

He had surprise written across his face, his eyes roaming all over my face before it moved down to my toes. He quirked an eyebrow at me as he noted the rolling pin lying by my feet. I blushed fiercely at my ridiculousness, sudden realization dawning on me. Of course it was Edward who unlocked the front door. I can't believe that I actually forgot that our apartment had alarms that would go off in case of a break-in. I wanted to smack my forehead with the rolling pin but I resisted, instead, I let my eyes move over the room.

I actually gasped when I noticed that there were hundreds of lighted candles covering the floor with rose petals mixed into the setting. My eyes took in our massive bed, its sheets changed from the usual cotton to dark silk. It was also covered in rose petals, the scent actually hitting up my nostrils just now. I frantically moved my eyes to Edward and caught him looking at me with a nervous smile.

"Edward?" I called out, the gut feeling in my stomach increasing tenfold.

He moved slowly over to me, his eyes never leaving my face. His face was silhouetted by the flickering lights from the candles, his expression solemn. I could actually cry just from the look on his face, but I held it all in, wanting to see what Edward has planned.

"Bella," Edward said once he has approached me, "I want to say something."

I nodded my head in reply, my eyes trying to convey that he should proceed.

I watched as Edward took deep breaths, his hands actually shaking as he raked them in his hair a few times. All the while, I waited patiently, wanting him to be able to say what he had to say.

He cleared his throat after a few seconds before reaching out and taking my hand in his. His fingers were caressing my bare ring finger, and I could feel my heart stuttering in my chest. I tried to calm my breathing but it became irrelevant when Edward suddenly dropped down to one knee.

"This has been a long time coming for us, love," he started as he looked up at me with adoration in his eyes. "Bella Swan, I may not be able to promise you a life without troubles, but I pledge myself to you, completely, irrevocably. I promise to always stand by your side, come high or hell. I promise to always love you, no matter what happens. I will never stray from you; I will never hurt you again. I promise to be yours, for the rest of our lives."

He took a deep breath as mine was still stuck in my throat. My hand was grasping his firmly, my fingers almost losing the feeling in them. But I didn't loosen my grip or whatever, if anything, I held onto him as tightly as I could.

"Bella, will you marry me?"

The moment those words were out of his mouth the tears started pouring down my face before I could stop them. My hand was trembling in his, my voice stuck in my throat. I watched through blurry eyes as he pulled out a box from his pocket, the lid coming off to reveal a gorgeous ring.

I nodded frantically at his question, my other hand coming up to caress his cheek. Edward released a breath of relief before he placed the ring on my finger. I watched in amazement as he stood, his hands immediately coming up to hold my face gently. His thumbs wiped at the tears that won't stop coming, and I tried to catch my breath so that I could say the words that would seal our fate.

"Bella, love?" Edward called out with concern on his face.

"Edward," I gasped out, "I'm yours for always, of course I'll marry you."

He grinned widely at my declaration, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"I love you," he whispered to me before he placed a scorching kiss on my lips. I opened my mouth to him, his tongue immediately seeking dominance as he took everything I had to offer.

We spent half of the night standing in the middle of our dimmed bedroom, completely wrapped tightly around each other. By the time we were able to come back to reality, the dinner reservation Edward placed on our favorite restaurant had already passed by, leaving us with empty stomachs. So instead of a hearty meal prepared by one of the best chefs in New York, we settled for a box of pizza and good wine, and lots and lots of love.

And I wouldn't change it for the world.

 ** _The end._**

 ** _AN:_**

 ** _A big thank you to everyone who's read, reviewed, favorited, and followed this little story. Wouldn't have made it this far without you, guys._**

 ** _Special thanks to SunflowerFran and her group, Pay It Forward, for rec'ing my story_** ** _J_** **** ** _To Lotus Wright for introducing me to some people in the fandom, to my beta, Andi, and to the ladies at Cheaterward's Spot and A Different Forest._** ** _J_** ****

 ** _I hope that this journey has been good for you as it was for me. See you soon!_**


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